Chapter 196: Your Thoughts

Chapter 196: Your Thoughts

"Soo-er, you mustn't be disrespectful!"

Madam Wei delivered a stern reprimand, then turned to Lu Yan, bowing her head in a proper curtsy as she approached him. A few simple white silk flowers were nestled in her hair, and when she lowered her gaze, she looked much older than the memory he held of her. "A guest is always welcome. Your Majesty, please proceed."

Lu Yan stepped aside to avoid receiving her bow. "Madam, you're too polite."

In the mourning hall, the spirit tablets of the Marquis of Zhen Guo and his eldest son, Wei Xuan, were placed on the altar. The second son, Wei Hong, had disappeared while escorting supplies and was still missing, presumed dead by others. But perhaps the Wei family still clung to a sliver of hope, for they hadn't placed his tablet among the rest.

As Lu Yan entered the mourning hall, he respectfully lit two incense sticks. Huo Lang followed suit, also lighting two sticks. Given their special status and the public nature of their visit, neither of them exchanged words or even a glance, maintaining a silent understanding between them.

After finishing with the incense, Lu Yan turned to Madam Wei. "The court is currently in turmoil. I wonder what your plans are for the future?"

In his previous life, Wei Tan had inherited his title and submitted a memorial requesting permission to escort his father and brother's coffins back to their ancestral lands, relocating the entire family there. It seemed he harbored thoughts of distancing himself from the court, but unfortunately, his life ended due to worsening wounds during the journey.

The Wei family didn't want to become overreaching ministers like Huo Lang nor get involved in factional struggles. Their only choice now was to gracefully retreat.

Madam Wei replied coolly, "We humbly request His Majesty's permission for the Wei family to return to our fief."

Lu Yan gave an almost imperceptible nod. "The capital is a place of intrigue, and the Wei family need not be mired in its filth. I have a few words I wish to speak privately with Third Master. Would it be possible to grant us some privacy?"

Their close friendship was well-known, but meeting under such circumstances could seem pretentious. If he truly intended to help, he wouldn't have let the Wei family wait outside the palace gates all night.

Before Madam Wei could respond, Wei Tan coughed hoarsely. "Your Majesty, please follow this subject."

His voice lacked strength, making it hard to discern the emotions hidden within. The new eunuch, Wu Mu, who was more honest than Wu Mei, stopped on his own accord and obediently waited outside the door.

Lu Yan closed the room's door behind him, and his first words were—

"Brother Wei, do you hate me?"

The Wei family had suffered a tragic fate, and besides Zhao Qin, the "emperor" was also culpable. Even commoners whispered curses in private; how much more so for the Wei family?

At Lu Yan's question, Wei Tan was seized by another heart-wrenching cough. He was too weak to stand and could only lean against the table to sit down. Unlike his martially inclined older brothers, Wei Tan preferred reading. Lu Yan had often pondered how the harsh years at the border would have changed him, but now, he seemed much the same as the bright and refined young master of a noble family:

"Your Majesty, if you ask such a question, does that mean you believe you've done something wrong?"

Lu Yan closed his eyes without answering.

It seemed his very existence was a mistake, starting with this face, leading him down a path where one misstep led to another.

Wei Tan watched him quietly, the sparse sunlight filtering through the window casting a clear light in his eyes. "Your Majesty, a subject's hatred can't change anything. The dead cannot be brought back to life. If I say I don't hate you, you might feel undue guilt. If I say I do, you'll feel even more guilt. Since it's a troublesome question, it's better left unanswered."

Wei Tan was meticulous and thorough in his actions, never revealing any flaws. When Lu Yan first met him, he felt that those eyes seemed to see through something, though Wei Tan never spoke of it.

Lu Yan didn't respond directly, instead changing the topic. "Have you found a cure for the Golden Hook poison?"

Wei Tan exhaled slowly, his expression showing only acceptance of his fate. "This poison may not necessarily be a bad thing. I only hope to gain a few more days of life to safely escort my father and brother's coffins, along with my mother and sister, back to our fief."

The Wei family's power made the imperial family wary. As long as a single breath remained, there was a risk of resurgence. Wei Tan was the only male heir, and if he died en route, the others wouldn't view the remaining women and children of the Wei family as a threat. That's why he said it might not be a bad thing.

Only now did Lu Yan realize that Wei Tan had already resigned himself to death. From his sleeve, he took out an intricately carved wooden box, placing it on the table and sliding it over. Inside, besides the antidote for the Golden Hook poison, there was also a prescription: "Wild beasts won't spare the weak prey just because one person dies. Take the antidote, live well, and don't let the Wei family's military power fall into the wrong hands. Perhaps one day, when the sky is clear and the waters calm...you'll return."

Wei Tan furrowed his brow in confusion. "Return?"

Lu Yan lowered his gaze, pausing for a moment. "...When all the people who deserve to die are gone, those who should return will naturally come back."

He had only come today to deliver the medicine and didn't want to stay longer to arouse suspicion. Just as he was about to leave, Wei Tan's raspy voice sounded from behind. "Your Majesty, the capital is a murky pool. Your hands can stir it further or remove the dirty sediment. It all depends on your choice, just like the difference between good and evil lies in a single thought."

"Hatred, like the smoke and fire of war in troubled times, ultimately harms both oneself and others. There are no winners. I haven't endured the same suffering as you, so I can't persuade you to avoid these two words. I only hope you won't harm the innocent. Otherwise, it would merely repeat past mistakes, staining your clean hands."

Wei Tan's family had a tradition of integrity. He grew up without worry, with loving parents, harmonious siblings, and an education in poetry, books, and propriety. He listened to the wind and cicadas, gazed upon the moon and mountains, and his words always made sense. Even after the great changes in his family, he maintained the character of a gentleman, as pure as water.

In his previous life, Lu Yan had been immersed in hatred for too long, his mind clouded, and he unknowingly strayed from the right path. Otherwise, how could he have caused Huo Lang's death and ended up with an untimely demise himself?

He wasn't sure if he still possessed goodness in his heart, but Wei Tan's words, those of an old friend, finally shed a glimmer of light through the fog that had enveloped him for years, allowing his suppressed emotions a moment's respite.

Lu Yan paused, but didn't turn around. "I shall strive to do so. Longchuan is far away, and who knows when we'll meet again. Please take care."

With that, he gathered his strength to push open the door before him, bidding farewell to Madam Wei and leaving. However, as his gaze swept across the courtyard, he spotted a familiar figure lingering under the eaves, seemingly waiting for someone.

Due to the eunuchs following him, Lu Yan didn't call out. Instead, he watched Huo Lang from a distance. In his memories, Huo Lang was always like this, standing silently in the distance, unobtrusive. Only occasionally, during the end of court sessions, would Lu Yan catch a glimpse of his gaze.

Huo Lang soon noticed Lu Yan and paused, slowly pulling his cloak tighter around his shoulders. He spoke calmly, "Now that Your Majesty has paid respects and seen an old friend, it's best to return to the palace soon. The outside world is full of all sorts, and if something goes wrong, no one can bear the responsibility."

He simply wanted to urge Lu Yan to return to the palace sooner, as it wasn't safe outside, but somehow, his words sounded like cold mockery.

Huo Lang could never say the things Wei Tan did.

In his childhood, he followed his mother, a courtesan, through the red-light district, enduring endless abuse and beatings. Later, when he returned to the marquisate, he was the least favored son, facing nothing but indifference and neglect. Years of warfare had encased his heart in thick armor, making it colder and more twisted.

If Huo Lang knew the truth, he would only sneer and ask who Lu Yan wanted to kill. If killing one person wasn't enough to satisfy Lu Yan, then he'd kill a hundred, a thousand, until the anger subsided.

Those raised in love became like Wei Tan, while those raised in hate became like Huo Lang.

If one day Lu Yan stood at the edge of a cliff, Wei Tan would be the hand that pulled him back, while Huo Lang would be the one who jumped with him.

The snow in the courtyard was melting, dripping steadily from the eaves, still carrying a biting chill. Lu Yan thought to himself that he could never drag this person down with him. He needed to pull him to safety instead. His voice was low and gentle, yet laced with complexities that Huo Lang couldn't decipher. "I understand. It's cold today, so the Regent should return home early as well."

With that, he left the Wei residence with his attendants, while Huo Lang remained rooted to the spot. Watching Lu Yan's back disappear without any explanation, only urging him to go home, he reached out to touch the half-melted snowball on the railing, squeezing it tightly in his hand until it lost its shape. The icy water trickled down his fingers, chilling him to the bone.

Huo Lang closed his eyes, whispering to himself, "What else are you hiding from me?"

He couldn't guess. The time he and Lu Yan had truly spent together was short, and they hadn't spoken much. In the past, their statuses were different, and they only caught glimpses of each other during court sessions. Later, because of a single vow, Huo Lang willingly went to guard the border for years, far from the intimacy shared between Lu Yan and Wei Tan, a refined scholar who understood his heart.

Now that Huo Lang held great power and Lu Yan sat on the throne, he had hoped their relationship would grow closer. But it seemed it still couldn't match the bond between Lu Yan and Wei Tan.

Between them, Huo Lang was always the one who loved more deeply.

Hovering in the depths of Helang's eyes was a shadow, as if the biting cold wind had penetrated his clothes and chilled him to the bone. He spoke to his attendant in a tone devoid of emotion, "Return to the manor."

Today, he hadn't taken a sedan chair but rode on horseback with several personal guards. As he left, he caught sight of Lu Yan's carriage slowly making its way toward the palace gates. The sun was setting, and twilight was swallowing the last remnants of light.

Mounted on his horse, Helang cast a long, lingering glance before turning away. He tightened his grip on the reins, ready to change direction and depart, when suddenly, several figures swiftly darted past the stone walls lining the road. They moved like a gust of swift wind, their target being Lu Yan's carriage.

Helang's eyes narrowed at the sight. He immediately nocked an arrow and let it fly towards those figures. The swift arrow struck one of them dead, alerting the entire entourage.

"Quick! Assassins! Protect the Emperor—!!"

The previously quiet street erupted into chaos due to the appearance of these assassins. The imperial experts accompanying Lu Yan engaged them in fierce combat. Even the guards lying in wait sprang into action, but they were caught off guard by the assailants' extraordinary skills and mysterious techniques. A few poison smoke bombs were hurled to the ground, sending up plumes of black smoke that blinded everyone, causing tears and sobs.

"Down with the dog emperor! Give me your life!"

The lead assassin leaped onto the carriage, his sword poised like a rainbow, ready to slay the emperor inside. But a flash of cold light interrupted his strike. Struck by a force from the shadows, his sword fell from his hand, followed by a sudden paralysis that forced him to his knees.

Lu Yan, quick as lightning, seized the man's throat. Between his fingers glinted a lethal needle, dripping with poison. He warned calmly, "Behave, or you'll die from the poison."

The black-clad man's eyes widened in shock. Clearly, he hadn't expected the emperor to possess such martial prowess, which contradicted everything he knew. In the next moment, his mask was yanked off, revealing his face to the open air.

Looking at the exposed face, Lu Yan paused for a moment, "It's you?!"