Chapter 3:

Chapter 3

That night, perhaps because she had slept enough during the day, Pei Yun found herself reluctant to sleep and even afraid to do so. She feared that upon waking, this dream would end. Eventually, exhaustion overtook her, and she drifted in and out of slumber. The next morning, her mind preoccupied, she awoke early.

The sky was still dark when Pei Yun turned to look at Chen'er sleeping beside her. Her heart felt an unprecedented calm. After a while, she quietly slipped out of bed and threw on a robe.

She had little milk left, so when the child woke hungry several times during the night, he was nursed by the wet nurses. This time, however, he did not resist. After drinking his fill and being patted to burp, he settled back beside Pei Yun without a sound and soon fell asleep again.

Shu Yan, who had been on night watch, retired to rest by the fourth watch, relieved by another palace maid. Thus, it was Shu Mo who entered upon hearing movement.

When Shu Mo came to take over her shift, she had already heard from Shu Yan about Pei Yun staying in the side chamber with the little imperial grandson. She, too, was overjoyed, relieved that her mistress had finally begun to recover.

Seeing Pei Yun rise from the bed, Shu Mo hurried forward, but before she could speak, Pei Yun asked softly, "Has the Eldest Imperial Grandson awakened yet?"

Shu Mo paused, silently calculating the time. "He should be awake by now, following his usual schedule."

Pei Yun nodded. "There’s still some time before he must go to Gengzhuo Pavilion (the imperial school). Have him come here after breakfast."

Hearing this, Shu Mo pressed her lips together, automatically thinking her mistress meant to scold the Eldest Imperial Grandson again. Nevertheless, she obeyed and personally went to the Eldest Imperial Grandson’s Yanchi Palace.

After Shu Mo left, Pei Yun returned to the main hall and had her attendants help her change clothes. In less time than it takes to finish a cup of tea, hurried footsteps echoed outside the hall. Raising her head, she saw Li Jin running toward her.

Yet the moment he crossed the threshold and caught sight of her, he abruptly slowed his pace, straightening his robes with slight unease before offering a proper bow. "Your son pays respects to Mother Consort."

Pei Yun studied the six-year-old Li Jin before her—unlike the taller, colder-eyed twelve-year-old she remembered, his eyes still sparkled with innocence, his features tender. There was no trace yet of the composed demeanor of a youth.

After silently observing him for a long moment, she suddenly bent down and reached out to him.

But Li Jin’s eyes widened, and he stumbled back a step, a flash of fear crossing his face.

Pei Yun’s hand hung awkwardly in the air, and she gave a bitter smile. So even at this early stage, he had already begun to fear her, his own mother.

She planted the seeds, and now she must reap the bitter harvest.

Withdrawing her hand, she instead touched the corner of her own lips and said gently, "Did you eat your breakfast too hastily?"

Li Jin blinked in confusion, then mimicked her gesture and indeed found a pastry crumb at the corner of his mouth. His small face flushed crimson with embarrassment.

Upon hearing that his mother had summoned him, he had hurriedly stuffed a few almond cakes into his mouth, afraid of making her wait and angering her.

Once the embarrassment passed, he quickly clasped his hands and asked, "Has Mother Consort summoned your son for important instructions?"

Though still a child with a tender voice, his words and manners were strangely formal and grown-up when facing her. Pei Yun sighed quietly, knowing this, too, was a result of her own harshness as a mother. She motioned for him to sit and then said, "Nothing serious. I simply haven’t seen you in several days and wished to check on you."

Pei Yun remembered that in her past life, after giving birth to Li Chen, she had been bedridden and deeply melancholic. Aside from the day the Crown Prince came to bid farewell—when she had put on a show of gentleness and obedience—she had shut her doors to all visitors, even refusing to see her own children.

Li Jin froze for a moment at her words. It almost sounded as though his mother had missed him. His eyes lit up with hope, but it quickly dimmed. After a pause, he reported dutifully, "I haven’t slacked in my studies. I’ve fully memorized and understood all the texts taught by my tutors, acing every test... and have kept up with Second Younger Brother in the slightest."

Hearing her son nervously recount his academic progress, Pei Yun’s heart sank.

The "Second Younger Brother" Li Jin referred to was the second imperial grandson, son of the Emperor’s second son, Prince Yu Li Changyuan—Li Qian.

Li Qian was five months younger than her Jin Er, but since they were born in the same year, they had started at Gengzhuo Pavilion around the same time at the age of four.

Though younger, Li Qian had learned to walk and speak earlier than Li Jin.

As Pei Yun observed Li Jin’s fearful demeanor now, she couldn’t help but recall how, before the age of two, he had clung to her side, unwilling to leave even a step.

Back then, Pei Yun had indeed doted on her firstborn. But everything changed during a palace banquet, when a noblewoman suddenly compared the two imperial grandsons of similar age, remarking that her excessive indulgence had caused Jin Er to still stumble when walking at nearly two years old. He clung to his mother, always reaching out to be held, unlike Li Qian, who walked confidently and even played with other children.

The noblewoman was nominally considered an elder and had always been blunt with her words due to her seniority. Moreover, her family belonged to a prominent clan in the capital, looking down upon Pei Yun's humble origins. Thus, she openly and covertly lectured with remarks like "a doting mother spoils the child," cloaked in criticism.

Publicly slighted, Pei Yun already felt deeply embarrassed. When she happened to glance up, she saw her late mother-in-law, the former empress, sitting quietly in the distance, watching her with a slight frown but saying nothing.

She grew uneasy—both embarrassed and afraid. At that time, she had already been walking on eggshells under others’ scorn, terrified of making any misstep that might invite ridicule or even tarnish the Pei family's reputation. Thus, after the banquet, on their way back, she brushed off Jin Er’s protests and insisted he walk on his own, forbidding anyone from carrying him, dead set on curing him of clinging to her.

As a first-time mother, she had no idea how to raise a child properly. Deep down, she was also frightened by the saying "too much motherly love spoils the child," so she learned to put on a stern face, treating Jin Er with severity—from daily etiquette to academic studies—pushing him relentlessly, especially ensuring he never fell behind the Second Imperial Grandson, Li Qian.

She didn’t want her child to suffer undue criticism because of her, hoping instead he would stand out and earn praise. There was also a stubborn refusal to be outdone, a desire to prove herself and rise above the scorn, ensuring no one would look down on her.

Yet, as years passed, that mindset grew increasingly distorted, and her strictness toward Jin Er gradually took on a darker tone.

Suppressing the bitterness in her heart, Pei Yun smiled and said, "Our Jin Er has always been clever—his studies could never be lacking. But your mother wasn’t asking about that. I only thought, since you’re still so young and at an age where sleep is precious, my earlier demand for you to rise the time it takes an incense stick to burn earlier to review your lessons might have been too harsh. I wanted to tell you in person that from now on, you may sleep an extra incense stick’s time each day."

After all, he was still a child, incapable of hiding his emotions. Jin Er’s face immediately lit up with joy, but just as quickly, he straightened his face and shook his head earnestly, declaring with conviction, "Mother’s earlier decision was wise. As the saying goes, ‘A young idler, an old beggar.’ I don’t feel tired—I wake early of my own will."

Seeing his dark under-eye circles and obvious exhaustion, yet still forcing himself to say such words, Pei Yun wanted to slap herself. She’d truly done wrong, having made Jin Er distrust even her genuine concern, assuming it was a trick.

She knew it would take time for Jin Er to trust her again. After some thought, she could only say, "The reason I want you to sleep more is that I’ve heard at your age, insufficient rest may harm your health. Falling ill from exhaustion would be a greater loss. Besides, a good night’s sleep ensures daytime energy, allowing you to focus better during lessons, doesn’t it?"

Jin Er’s eyes widened in sudden understanding. So, his mother’s change of heart was still for the sake of his studies after all.

"Mother is right," he replied obediently, though a faint trace of disappointment lingered in his heart. "I will obey."

Pei Yun blinked with a gentle smile. "It’s getting late—hurry to the Plow Studio now."

Jin Er acknowledged her words and, before leaving, stole another glance at her, feeling his mother was unusually kind today. As he stepped out of the Glittering Hall, his steps were noticeably lighter, and he secretly wished his mother could always be this gentle.

Meanwhile, Pei Yun, seated in the hall, watched her son’s retreating figure until it vanished. Her smile faded.

It seemed she’d underestimated it.

After so many years, the rift between mother and son ran deep—it couldn’t be mended overnight.

She sighed softly.

Well, there was still time. At least it wasn’t too late.