Chapter 140 I’m Afraid of Pain

Chapter 140: I’m Afraid of Pain

As it turned out, Fu'an’s prediction was indeed correct.

Liu Qingci finished his evening meal, yet still couldn’t walk out of the door of Lan Yue Xuan.

He stood up for the third time and headed toward the entrance.

Xiao Yan’s arm reached around from behind, encircling his waist, and pulled him back.

Liu Qingci stumbled two steps and fell back into that warm embrace.

“Xiao Yan!” His voice was tinged with helplessness. “I really need to head back now.”

Xiao Yan rested his chin on Liu Qingci’s shoulder, burying his face in the hollow of his neck, and said in a muffled voice:

“Stay a little longer.”

His ear tickled from the rubbing, and he pulled his neck in: “I’ve already stayed all afternoon.”

“Then stay the night.”

“...”

Liu Qingci turned his head, to look at Xiao Yan.

Xiao Yan was gazing at him with teary eyes, with a trace of grievance, a hint of reluctance, and just the right amount of a pleading look.

Liu Qingci’s heart softened a little.

But he still put on a stern face, trying to appear firm:

“No. My parents will worry.”

Xiao Yan immediately responded: “Just send someone to tell them.”

“But… but they all think… I went to Huai’an’s house…”

Liu Qingci felt a bit embarrassed to say this—after all, he had never lied to his parents before.

His first lie to his parents, and it was about something like this…

His face slowly reddened.

Seeing him like this, the smile in Xiao Yan’s eyes deepened.

“So you lied just to come see me?” he asked deliberately, his voice low and teasing.

Liu Qingci’s ears grew even redder. He glared at Xiao Yan.

“That’s because the situation was special. It wasn’t easy for me to explain to my parents!”

Xiao Yan chuckled softly. He pulled Liu Qingci closer, resting his chin on top of his head.

“Then there’s no hurry,” he said. “Since you already lied, if you go back so soon, won’t it have been a waste?”

Liu Qingci looked up, staring blankly at Xiao Yan.

He suddenly felt… that what this man said actually made some sense.

But something still felt off.

“But…” he started to say more.

Xiao Yan leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the lips, silencing him.

“No buts.” His tone carried a hint of shamelessness. “You have to stay tonight.”

Liu Qingci: “I…”

Xiao Yan buried his face back in Liu Qingci’s neck, his voice even more muffled: “I don’t know when we’ll see each other again.”

Xiao Yan’s voice continued, muffled, tinged with a faint loneliness: “You only got in this time because of Xiao Jing’s carelessness. Maybe tomorrow he’ll remember and won’t let you come see me anymore.”

Liu Qingci felt something was off: “But you just said Xiao Jing has too much on his plate to bother with us now?”

Seeing that his excuse hadn’t worked, Xiao Yan tightened his arms, holding Liu Qingci even closer.

“Can’t you just stay with me a little longer?”

Hearing these words, Liu Qingci felt his heart soften, bit by bit, as if it were being soaked in something.

He thought back to everything that had happened over these past days.

All the life-and-death partings, the long waits, each time he had feared he would never see this man again.

“I don’t know when we’ll see each other again…”

That sentence was like a thorn, piercing his heart.

He was silent for a moment, then let out a soft sigh.

“Then… just tonight.”

The moment Liu Qingci said it, he regretted it a little.

Because Xiao Yan’s eyes immediately lit up.

That brightness was like a wolf spotting its prey in the night, with a scorching intensity that made his heart pound.

In a daze, Liu Qingci found himself being led to the bed by Xiao Yan.

The candlelight flickered behind them, casting Xiao Yan’s shadow over him, enveloping him.

Xiao Yan lowered his head and kissed him on the lips.

Liu Qingci felt their mingled breaths, scorching hot, burning intensely.

Xiao Yan’s kiss deepened.

His hand began to wander, slowly sliding up and down, slipping into Liu Qingci’s robe.

Liu Qingci’s body trembled slightly.

Suddenly, he reached out and grasped Xiao Yan’s wrist.

Xiao Yan’s movement stopped.

He lifted his head and looked at Liu Qingci.

The fire in those eyes hadn't gone out yet, but now held a hint of confusion.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was very hoarse.

Liu Qingci looked at him, his face was bright red, even his neck had turned red.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but stammered, couldn't get a single word out.

Xiao Yan looked at him like that, temporarily pushing down the little flame in his heart.

He sat up, looked at Liu Qingci, and asked patiently, “Still uncomfortable?”

But after that day was over, he had carefully applied medicine to Liu Qingci, especially that amazingly effective swelling‑reducing ointment he had gone out of his way to get.

The next day, he had applied the medicine on time and in the right amount, and when he checked at that time... it seemed to have almost healed.

Given how long it’s been, it should be completely healed by now, right?

Liu Qingci's eyelashes fluttered. He turned his face away, not daring to look at Xiao Yan, and didn't answer.

Seeing this, Xiao Yan ignored everything else and reached out to untie Liu Qingci's sash,

“Is the wound not healed? Let me see, I'll get you some medicine…”

As he spoke, his actions were solely driven by worry for Liu Qingci's physical condition.

But Liu Qingci grabbed Xiao Yan's wrist again, gripping it tightly.

“N-no need!” His voice cracked with shame and annoyance, “No need to look, it's already healed…”

Xiao Yan's movements paused. He withdrew his hand and coaxed the already flustered person in a soft voice:

“Alright, alright, I won't look. Is there anywhere else that feels uncomfortable?”

Liu Qingci shook his head. He pushed himself up to sit, leaning against the headboard, facing Xiao Yan who was sitting in front of him.

But he just wouldn't raise his head, his head hung low, his eyelashes covering his glass-colored eyes.

The hand gripping his own collar still hadn't let go, his knuckles white from the tension.

Seeing him like this, Xiao Yan's earlier restlessness had long dissipated. He knew Liu Qingci had something to say, so he waited patiently.

Liu Qingci seemed to agonize for a long time, several times about to speak but stopping himself.

Xiao Yan felt tired just watching him. His gaze fell on that ear that was so red it seemed about to bleed, and his heart itched like crazy.

He held back from touching it and only gently encouraged, “You can tell me anything, alright?”

Liu Qingci was silent for a moment, then his voice came out.

Muffled, and with a hint of trembling: “Xiao Yan, I think... we... we don't have to do that kind of thing when we're together.”

Xiao Yan was genuinely stunned.

He didn't speak, waiting for him to continue.

Liu Qingci's voice continued, growing quieter:

“We can... we can eat together, talk together, watch the moon together... I like all of these…”

He paused.

“It doesn't have to be... have to be that way…”

Hearing these words, Xiao Yan felt something was off.

A platonic relationship?

His mind was racing.

What would he do if his lover suggested going platonic?

Could he then secretly take Liu Qingci's clothes and jerk off by himself?

If Liu Qingci found out like that, would he think he was a pervert?

No, no...

Xiao Yan managed to grasp a thread of clarity from the messy flood of questions in his mind.

He remembered the time in the hot spring, that little crybaby who had curled up in his arms, soft as spring water.

Liu Qingci's eyes were misty, shimmering with light and something more.

He could tell.

That was the longing, the desire that only appears when looking at one's beloved, a light that couldn't be concealed.

That was not the reaction of someone indifferent to physical intimacy.

Xiao Yan looked down at the person in front of him.

Liu Qingci still kept his head buried, only showing his slightly trembling eyelashes and fluffy hair in the candlelight.

Xiao Yan sighed, his voice very soft, as if afraid of startling the frightened lover in front of him: “Why did you suddenly say that?”

Liu Qingci lifted his head slightly, but the blush on his face deepened even more, looking pitifully cute.

Xiao Yan leaned in and pressed further, “Qingci, baby, tell me the truth.

“In the hot spring, you weren't like this.”

Liu Qingci's ears twitched.

Xiao Yan continued, “Back then you hugged me, kissed me so hard, were breathing so hard…”

Liu Qingci suddenly looked up, startled, and reached out to cover Xiao Yan's mouth.

He was mortified with shame: “Xiao Yan! Stop talking!”

Xiao Yan's mouth was covered, only his eyes were visible, filled with amusement.

Then he moved his lips and kissed Liu Qingci's palm.

Liu Qingci's hand jerked back as if burned.

He was shocked by Xiao Yan’s shamelessness and had no idea how to handle him.

So he simply pulled the covers over his head, not looking at him.

Xiao Yan reached around him again, pulling him, blanket and all, into an embrace.

“Hmm? Tell me?”

He deliberately drew out the last sound, his warm breath brushing against Liu Qingci’s ear.

Liu Qingci stiffened under the blanket.

Liu Qingci buried his face deeper into the covers, his voice came out muffled, with a tone of reckless resignation, as if he had used every last bit of strength,

“You’re too… I’m afraid it’ll hurt.”

His voice grew quieter and quieter, becoming indistinct.

That word “big” was so faint that Xiao Yan almost missed it.