Chapter 1: Rebirth

Chapter 1: Rebirth

Pei Yun thought she was probably going to die.

When the moment truly arrived, her heart was strangely calm, devoid of any struggle, as she let her body sink into the dark depths of the lake.

The water surrounding her blocked the noise outside. The sudden collapse of the winding bridge must have thrown the imperial garden into chaos.

Through the rippling water, the blazing sun overhead had lost its scorching intensity, reduced to a cold white speck amidst the undulating waves—much like her own empty gaze.

Even as she watched her husband swim toward another woman, she merely pressed her lips together, a slight sneer tugging at her lips.

No disappointment, no pain, no regret...

It all just seemed pointless.

She knew perfectly well—she wasn’t about to die. She *wanted* to die.

She was too tired.

This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision, though she couldn’t quite pinpoint when the thought had first taken root.

Perhaps it was two days ago, when she suddenly realized that her only son—the imperial eldest grandson, constantly praised by his tutors—had grown utterly distant from her, his own mother.

Or perhaps it was when she overheard palace whispers about how the recently returned Sixth Miss Shen had grown into a graceful beauty, her features uncannily like her late elder sister, so much so that the Crown Prince had been completely captivated at the Shen family’s spring banquet.

With the Emperor seriously ill, once the Crown Prince ascended the throne, the position of Empress was unlikely to fall upon her, the Crown Princess.

Or perhaps it was simply the streak of white she discovered in her hair that morning while dressing.

Only then did it dawn on her—thirteen years had passed since she entered the Eastern Palace as his consort.

She was only twenty-nine, yet already aged prematurely.

Over those thirteen years, she had carefully planned and schemed, learning how to manage palace affairs, oversee the servants, transforming from a naive young woman into the impeccable Crown Princess she had aspired to be—praised by all. Yet, looking back now, she realized she had gained nothing.

Her parents were gone, her siblings had perished, and her two children...

Palace servants were already swimming toward her in rescue, but she had no desire to keep living.

Pei Yun slowly closed her eyes, letting her mind grow hazy.

They said that before death, one saw their life flash before their eyes. She was no exception.

She felt the wind rushing past her ears as she galloped through the forests of Wu’nan, heard her father’s booming laughter as he called her by her childhood name. Then came her elder brother, returning from a trip, playfully ruffling her hair and handing her sweets. In another blink, her young sister wrapped arms around her waist, calling out sweetly for "Elder Sister," while their mother stood nearby, smiling warmly...

Those fuzzy memories came into focus, and Pei Yun finally remembered—she, too, had once lived freely and joyfully under the shelter of her father and brother.

But all of it had ended abruptly at some point.

Perhaps when her father died on the battlefield. Or perhaps when that imperial decree named her the Crown Princess.

Crown Prince Li Zhangye had long been betrothed at seventeen to the niece of the Late Empress Xiaoren—his own cousin.

The two had grown up together, madly in love, the capital's golden couple. But fate had other plans. The Shen family’s Second Miss, their cherished daughter, had fallen ill and passed away at sixteen, forcing the Emperor to select a new bride for the Crown Prince.

At the time, many noble daughters in the capital were considered strong candidates. Yet no one could have predicted that this confusing twist of fate would land, without warning, upon the distant Pei family, thousands of miles away.

For Pei Yun, it was less a delight than a bewildering turn of events.

She felt as though the future was veiled in fog, the path ahead unclear, and indeed, over the past decade, she had struggled along this path with particular difficulty.

If given another chance, if she had a choice, she would never enter the Eastern Palace again.

Even as the suffocating sensation of drowning gradually spread through her body, Pei Yun still smiled, her heart at ease—a relief she hadn’t known in over ten years.

Everything was finally coming to an end...

Yet, in the haze, unbeknownst to her, the feeling of impending death quietly faded. The chill of the water was replaced by a warmth enveloping her entire body. Pei Yun felt an itch in her throat and couldn't suppress a light cough. The next moment, large hands cradled her slender back and neck, lifting her slightly. The cool rim of a cup touched her lips, and instinctively, she swallowed. Warm water slid down her throat, soothing some of the dryness and irritation.

As if realizing something was amiss, she slowly opened her eyes. The moment she saw the person before her, her fine brows knitted tightly.

Her first thought was disappointment—had she failed to die after all?

The man feeding her water was exceptionally handsome, his demeanor noble and his expression always aloof. Who else could it be but her husband, the Crown Prince Li Changye?

A surge of revulsion surged uncontrollably from her chest. But soon, Pei Yun noticed something strange—this face seemed younger than she recalled.

Li Changye, seeing his wife staring at him from his arms, also frowned slightly, suspicion growing.

Though he hadn’t sent word ahead of his visit to the Linglang Palace, waking Pei Shi from her rest on the bed, he knew his Crown Princess well. Even if she were ill, she would rise from her sickbed immediately to bow and greet him upon seeing him.

She had always been scrupulous in her manners.

Yet this time, she merely stared at him wordlessly, her usual dignified and gentle smile absent. Instead, her brows were tightly knit, her eyes filled with a strange intensity as she looked at him.

Li Changye didn’t dwell on it for long, assuming Pei Yun was still groggy. He had heard that her recent childbirth had been agonizingly difficult, lasting a full day and night, leaving her utterly exhausted. Even after more than ten days, she still needed to rest in bed.

He had missed both of her deliveries. This time, due to the distance of Tan County, by the time he returned, the child had already been born for three days.

Harboring some guilt toward Pei Yun, he decided to speak first. "The Tan County dam is nearing completion. Yu Province, where it’s located, suffers from annual floods, leaving the people in misery. This project concerns the safety of an entire province’s populace—a monumental effort for the people’s welfare. I had no choice but to go. And now, I must depart again today..."

Still puzzled, Pei Yun listened to these all-too-familiar words, and suddenly, it dawned on her.

The construction of the Tan County dam?

She remembered clearly—that was in the twenty-third year of Qingzhen. It was also the year her and Li Changye’s second son, Li Chen, was born.

Thinking of her younger son, Pei Yun felt a pang in her chest. As she looked at the man before her, it was as if she understood something.

Perhaps Heaven, knowing the resentment in her heart, had granted her this moment at death’s door to vent her grievances.

No matter how others saw Li Changye—as the epitome of virtue, a peerless gentleman—Pei Yun had despised her husband her entire life.

She had many grievances against him, but the greatest was likely on this very day six years ago, when he suddenly came to Linglang Palace and told her he was leaving again.

The Crown Prince was busy with state affairs and often dispatched by the Emperor to inspect conditions across the land. Since Pei Yun had entered the Eastern Palace, their time together had been scarce, and she had grown accustomed to it.

She wasn’t surprised by his departures, but this time, she couldn’t quietly suppress her feelings. Giving birth to Chen’er had been a hundred times more painful than with Jin Er. The baby had been in the wrong position, forcing her to endure searing pain as the midwife adjusted it. Afterward, she suffered a postpartum hemorrhage, staining half the bed with blood, nearly losing her life.

When she was at death’s door, he wasn’t there. By the time he returned, all he did was hold her hand and mutter a few words about her 'suffering' before leaving again after a few days.

Pei Yun knew his earlier words weren’t hollow excuses—he truly cared for the people. But the implication was that she ought to be dutiful and understanding. If she couldn’t accept it, she would be seen as petty, ignorant of priorities, unworthy of being a Crown Prince’s wife.

She understood the reasoning. Sacrificing her for the sake of the people was inevitable, and she wasn’t without tolerance. But she wasn’t a saint—she couldn’t endure it endlessly without complaint.

She also resented how he always used those words to elevate her expectations, leaving her no room to refuse.

She often felt that since entering the Eastern Palace, she had been caged by 'propriety,' bound tightly with no escape.

Li Zhangye noticed Pei Yun's lips pressing together, yet she remained silent—unlike her usual self who would respond with understanding and consideration for the greater good. He guessed she must be unhappy.

Not that he could blame her.

So he continued with what he had already planned to say, softening his tone slightly: "I’ve heard Tan County produces exceptionally unique brocade, glistening and dazzling—just right for clothing. When I return, I’ll bring you a few bolts. How does that sound?"

The same old line again.

If the earlier remarks had left Pei Yun with little room for rebuttal, this sentence now yanked up grievances she’d buried for years.

She abruptly straightened, her gaze fixed on the man, a soft scoff cutting sharply through the quiet room.

"Is Your Highness really giving this to your wife, or are you merely using it to hastily placate me and ease your own guilt?"

The words sent a barely audible gasp through the chamber. Chang Lu, the attendant by the Crown Prince’s side, widened his eyes in disbelief—hearing this from the always-dignified Crown Princess was shocking.

Heart pounding, he stole a glance at his master seated at the edge of the bed, but all he could see was Li Zhangye’s back, as straight and unyielding as ever.

Chang Lu couldn’t see, but Pei Yun, locked in eye contact with Li Zhangye, saw the man’s expression with perfect clarity.

His thin lips pressed into a tight line, his eyes narrowed slightly, and his razor-sharp gaze pinned her down, probing.

In the past, such a look would have made Pei Yun tread carefully, weighing her words to avoid provoking him.

But this time—maybe because she knew this was just a last, desperate chance fate had thrown her way—she didn’t back down. Chin tilted up, her tone laced with mockery.

"Do you see your wife as just some pretty decoration? So long as she maintains your dignity and manages everything flawlessly, nothing else matters? Even these so-called gifts are nothing more than last-minute orders to your subordinates. Why even pretend to ask me, Your Highness?"