Chapter 45 I Only Want Her

Chapter 45: I Only Want Her

The Jingxi Emperor lifted the hem of his robe slightly as he stepped into the Changshou Hall (Longevity Hall).

The underfloor heating system kept the hall pleasantly warm. The emperor, wearing thin white silk socks, walked across the thick palace carpets to behind the screen.

A female palace official was attending to the Empress Dowager, who reclined on a daybed, her eyes half-closed as she enjoyed the golden light of late autumn and the gentle massage.

The Jingxi Emperor chuckled softly and took a seat nearby. A palace maid promptly served tea, which he sipped leisurely.

The Empress Dowager snapped, “What? Is the emperor lacking tea? Did you come all the way here just for a sip?”

The Jingxi Emperor inclined his head slightly, replying with respectful gentleness, “Mother, among virtues, filial piety comes first. As your son, I govern the realm with filial devotion. Lately, affairs of state have kept me too busy to attend to you. Now that I have a moment, I naturally wish to show my filial devotion.”

The Empress Dowager snorted and opened her eyes, signaling the female palace officials to withdraw.

The female palace officials and maids all bowed their heads and retreated silently.

The Empress Dowager studied her son. He was, of course, exceptional—brilliant, wise, with a regal bearing, a boy emperor who had ascended the throne at fourteen and taken full control of governance at fifteen. Diligent in ruling and deeply filial, save for the lack of grandchildren at his knees, she could find no fault in him.

But now, after thirty-two years of satisfaction, her dutiful son of thirty-two years had suddenly dropped this bombshell!

She gazed at the Jingxi Emperor, shaking her head with a sigh. “You are the emperor. I’ve long withdrawn from governance, and you know many things better than I do. You must understand what it means to bring that woman into the harem. You’re throwing away a lifetime of glory, making the Great Hui imperial family become the mockery of posterity!”

The Jingxi Emperor tilted his head slightly, feigning innocence. “Mother, she’s just a Little Noble Lady. Hardly enough to make waves?”

The Empress Dowager spat, “Just a Little Noble Lady? Do you think I don’t know? Today she’s a Little Noble Lady, tomorrow she’ll be a Zhao Yi, and soon enough, she’ll be a consort! Will you crown her your imperial consort next?”

The Jingxi Emperor replied patiently, “Mother, everything follows rules. If she proves worthy, there’s no harm in her becoming an imperial consort.”

The Empress Dowager fumed, “So you *do* have such intentions!”

The Jingxi Emperor remained unhurried. “Your son is merely stating possibilities. If she proves unworthy, she’ll remain a Little Noble Lady.”

The Empress Dowager took a deep breath. “Enough of this nonsense. Just tell me—when did you start harboring such thoughts? Did you plan this from the beginning? Don’t tell me you schemed to steal your own son’s woman!”

She looked at this majestic emperor, grief welling in her heart. “You were doing so well as emperor—why did you suddenly do such a thing? How am I supposed to face your father in the netherworld?”

The Jingxi Emperor wore an expression of humble obedience, speaking gently, “Mother, you can tell Father in the afterlife that your son is truly a scoundrel. I've already given him a beating for you. When he arrives, you can scold him properly.”

The Empress Dowager, enraged, grabbed a brocade pillow beside her and struck the low couch repeatedly. “You—you—!”

The Jingxi Emperor considerately began massaging her legs. “Please don’t anger yourself, Mother. Don’t harm your health with anger.”

The Empress Dowager retorted, “Don’t anger myself? *Don’t anger myself*? How dare you tell me not to anger myself? Send that woman away at once—to a nunnery or a temple, anywhere!”

The Jingxi Emperor reasoned, “She’s already entered the palace, and you’ve accepted her tea. How can we drive her out now? Can’t the imperial family afford to support one helpless woman? The Great Hui’s dignity can’t bear such disgrace.”

The Empress Dowager’s hands trembled with fury. “Disgrace? You still care about disgrace? Emperor, do you realize what you’re doing? You’re defying morality—a father taking his son’s woman, a ruler stealing his subject’s wife! And you still have the face to speak of disgrace?”

With doors and windows tightly shut, the Changshou Hall was silent, save for the Empress Dowager’s aged, quivering voice echoing within.

The Jingxi Emperor looked at his furious mother and spoke calmly but resolutely, “Mother, I understand everything you’ve said. But I’ve already taken this step. There’s no turning back. I want her—to stay in my harem, to stay by my side.”

The Empress Dowager stared at her son, each word heavy with grief. “Does the emperor understand what he’s saying?”

The Jingxi Emperor replied, “I do. I understand perfectly.”

The Empress Dowager gave a bitter laugh. “She was Mo Yao's woman, his bedmate! How can you expect me to accept this?”

The Jingxi Emperor chuckled lightly, utterly unconcerned. "I was born under Heaven's mandate, blessed by divine favor, ruling over all under heaven as the father of the people and the arbiter of the Great Dao. Is there anything in this world I cannot have? She’s just a woman—"

In the firelight’s glow, he turned his head, his sharp and handsome profile illuminated.

His gaze rested absently ahead as he smiled faintly. "Not just my son’s concubine—even if she belonged to my father, if I desire her, I shall take her all the same."

The Empress Dowager’s hands shook with fury upon hearing this.

She stared at her son in disbelief. The light from the octagonal glass palace lantern fell into his pale tea-colored eyes—cool and collected, yet completely unhinged.

She had never known her son could be like this. This wasn’t him at all!

With great difficulty, she closed her eyes, her hands trembling uncontrollably.

The silver charcoal in the brazier crackled softly. The Empress Dowager took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, they were filled with pain.

She had climbed from modest beginnings, rising from a lowly Zhao Yi to Noble Consort, then Empress, and finally Empress Dowager.

When the late Emperor passed, the Jingxi Emperor was only fourteen—a mother and son alone in the world, facing an uncertain future. The Empress Dowager had single-handedly supported her son, watching him finally secure his throne.

All these years, she had been immensely proud of him—careful, hardworking, never putting a foot wrong.

But now she knew: at thirty-two, her son had suddenly gone mad.

With sorrow, the Empress Dowager looked at the Jingxi Emperor and said, "You are the sovereign of all under heaven. What kind of woman could you not have? Why must it be her?"

The Jingxi Emperor replied, "She is beautiful."

The Empress Dowager: "Just beautiful?"

The Jingxi Emperor raised a brow slightly, considering. "Young, lovely—if you hadn’t known who she was, did you not also take a liking to her at first? Great minds think alike."

The Empress Dowager retorted, "I ought to slap you! But you sit upon the throne—if I strike your face, it would be my fault!"

Though she was his mother, he was the Emperor!

The Jingxi Emperor gazed at her gently and said respectfully, "If Mother wants to hit me, I will remove this dragon robe and submit to your punishment."

As he spoke, he reached to undo his jade belt, preparing to disrobe.

Alarmed, the Empress Dowager grabbed his arm. "There is no need for this."

The Jingxi Emperor paused, smiling bitterly. "I’ve done wrong—I should be punished."

Lowering his eyes, he murmured, "If the late Emperor were still here, I would kneel before him and beg for a good beating... After a good beating, all faults could be fixed, and Father would clean up the mistakes of his foolish son."

At these words, the Empress Dowager’s heart ached.

How could she not pity her son? He was the apple of her eye! Had the late Emperor lived just a few more years—even five or six—her son wouldn’t have struggled so hard.

But the late Emperor had departed too soon, leaving a fourteen-year-old boy to bear the weight of the throne alone.

And so, she could not bring herself to rebuke him harshly. With a long sigh, she spoke earnestly, "For years, you’ve brought no new women into your harem. If you favor youth and beauty, why not select good girls from common families? In all of Great Hui, are there not countless pretty young women? Surely any would be better? If you dislike common selections, choose from the families of civil and military officials—no shortage of families would volunteer their daughters."

The Jingxi Emperor was tall and imposing, a man among men, barely past thirty. Even were he not the Emperor, as a nobleman of his stature, plenty of girls would swoon over him.

Thus, if he sought candidates from official families, many would surely offer their daughters.

Near begging, she said, "Emperor, I implore you—think of the empire!"

Hearing this, the Jingxi Emperor smirked. "Mother, your son has ruled the world for eighteen years. What kind of rare beauty have I not seen? Am I really missing out on some woman?"

During previous selections, there were indeed stunning beauties who were not chosen. He'd never been one to chase after women. Consort Shun, in her earlier years, was also exceptionally beautiful—youthful and vibrant, no less than A Wu is now. Yet, he merely glanced at her without feeling anything.

The Empress Dowager asked, "Then why must it be her? What exactly is so special about her?"

This question stumped the Jingxi Emperor. In truth, he had pondered it countless times himself.

After a moment of thought, he replied, "Looking at her, my heart feels joy. She doesn’t need to do anything—just standing there is enough for me to adore her."

He gave a bitter chuckle and continued slowly, "Mother, the moment I first laid eyes on her, all the colors of the world turned to dust. Only she remained—only her."

The Empress Dowager was taken aback.

Seeing the infatuation and tenderness in her son’s eyes, she let out a bitter laugh. "Your Majesty, do you still remember what Mo Yao said just two months ago, right here in my palace? And what you said to him at the time?"

At these words, the Jingxi Emperor himself froze.

He recalled the Crown Prince—how, in this very place, the young man had stubbornly resisted him, insisting on keeping his beloved concubine.

And how he himself had mercilessly pressured the prince, demanding he send the woman away.

Mo Yao's words back then were disturbingly similar to what he was saying now.

In just two months, he had become the very son he once despised.

Slowly, he closed his eyes, offering no excuse.

There was nothing to defend.

He had once believed himself to be heartless, in control of all things, able to cut ties ruthlessly. Each act of severance was a struggle, yet in this struggle, he sank deeper and deeper.

Afterward, it was either kill or love—a decision made in an instant. Since he had not killed, he had indulged himself in the depths of passion, doomed beyond redemption.

Having lost his father long ago and now ruler of the world, there was no one left to restrain him. His self-discipline had been his only shackle. Now, those bonds had snapped, and his long-suppressed self had broken loose.

A ruler without morals, blinded by folly, a father coveting his son’s concubine, defying all morality—this was the path he had chosen.

For what? For his sixteen-year-old rebellious self who had no choice but to submit. And for that tender smile beneath the crimson palace walls moments ago.

The Jingxi Emperor let out a soft laugh and said in a deep voice, "Mother, once the move is made, there is no regret. Your son has already taken this step—there is no turning back."

The Empress Dowager pleaded bitterly, "Your Majesty, give it up. Send her away properly—for your own sake."

But the Jingxi Emperor’s smile faded as he looked at her. "Mother, am I unworthy?"

Hearing this, the Empress Dowager’s heart sank.

The Jingxi Emperor spoke word by word, "I just want her. Why can’t I? Am I not even worthy of desiring what I desire?"

The Empress Dowager’s voice grew hoarse as she insisted, "Isn't your harem enough for you? You have so many! You can select new ones—there are countless beauties in this world, as many as you want!"

The Jingxi Emperor replied, "The harem? What if I don’t want it anymore? Depose the Empress, drive her out. Get rid of all the concubines—I don’t want a single one! Let them all leave!"

The Empress Dowager was speechless, staring at the emperor before her—this stranger who was her son—unable to believe what she was hearing.

The Jingxi Emperor continued, "A banquet spread before me, yet I have no appetite. Should I be forced to eat? Mother, I was once diligent and disciplined, performing my harem duties. But I don’t want to anymore. Let someone else have it—if the Crown Prince desires it, he can take the whole damn harem!"

The Empress Dowager shook with anger, eyes bulging, lips trembling.

"What—what kind of talk is this!"

"Has he gone mad?"

The Jingxi Emperor stepped forward, hiked up his robe, and knelt before the Empress Dowager.

"Mother, I can face the world, and I can face Mo Yao, but I urgently need your help—"

The Empress Dowager’s face was streaked with tears. "Emperor, you—"

The Jingxi Emperor raised his eyes, his hazel eyes pleading earnestly with the Empress Dowager.

Slowly, he extended his hand. "Eighteen years ago, the treasury was empty, the borders were unstable, and the empire was beset by crises. It was you, Mother, who stabilized the realm and helped your son ascend the throne at the Circular Mound Altar to rule the world."

His voice trembled slightly. "Today, don’t force me to fight battles on every side. I can defy the world for her, but that enemy should not be my own mother."

The Empress Dowager burst into sobs.

With a trembling hand, she grasped the Jingxi Emperor's. "Since you’ve said this much, what else can I say!"

Flesh of the palm, flesh of the hand—all are dear—but her son’s pain cut deeper than her grandson’s.

At this moment, the weeping Empress Dowager agreed, overcome with emotion, her face drenched in tears.

Only later, upon reflection, did she pound the armrest and rant to the Princess of Han—her other daughter-in-law.

"The Emperor has truly pulled out all the stops on me! Knowing this matter was difficult, he deliberately acted mad before me, scared me witless, then used this desperate plea to soften my heart—until I accidentally gave in!"

She said bitterly, "At his age, he’s set his sights on some young thing, lusting after her beauty, and now he expects me, his mother, to mop up after him!"

What could the Princess of Han say? About her imperial brother-in-law, she didn’t dare breathe a word.

She could only comfort the Empress Dowager, soothing her for ages.

But that was for later.

Much later, when the day came that she herself had to kowtow to that *Little Noble Lady*, she suddenly recalled her mother-in-law’s complaints and sighed helplessly.

Perhaps fate had long been decided.

As for the Jingxi Emperor at this moment, after bidding farewell to the Empress Dowager, he immediately proceeded to the Hall of Heavenly Favor, where a trembling seventy-year-old awaited him anxiously.

Upon seeing the Emperor, the old man prostrated himself and said in a quavering voice, "Your Majesty, this old fool raised a disgrace—my family is disgraced. Death would be too kind."

The Duke of Yingguo had once been the Crown Prince Senior Tutor, the Jingxi Emperor’s own mentor. The Emperor had always upheld the virtues of benevolence and filial piety, holding the Duke in high esteem—so much so that he had chosen the Duke’s own granddaughter as his daughter-in-law.

But now, as he looked down at the kneeling Duke, he did not, as was his custom, urge him to rise. Instead, he stood with his hands behind his back, staring down coldly at the old man.

"Senior Tutor, you once taught me many things. Among them, you said that a man who does not take responsibility will never leave a mark on the world."

The Duke of Yingguo replied, "Yes, this old minister did say that."

The Jingxi Emperor continued, "Senior Tutor, today I ask you this: if through cruel fate, a man ruins a woman’s virtue, what should he do?"

The Duke answered, "He must protect her for the rest of her life, never abandoning or betraying her."

The Emperor pressed further, "And if that woman happens to be a Daoist nun?"

The Duke responded, "She may stay or leave. If she leaves, he must make promises to her. If she stays, he must protect her till her dying day."

The Jingxi Emperor asked, "What if the woman had been with another man before taking Daoist vows?"

The Duke of Yingguo replied, "A woman's purity lies in her heart, not her past. This minister believes that what happened before she took those vows is of no consequence."

Only then did the Jingxi Emperor give a slight nod and recount the circumstances of his meeting with A Wu. The key figure in this was Nie San, who had all but placed A Wu in the Emperor’s lap.

Though the Duke of Yingguo had been aware of the situation beforehand, hearing the details now still sent chills down his spine.

The Jingxi Emperor let out a cold laugh. "At the time, I thought nothing of it—just some village girl, perhaps deliberately sent by someone. As the Son of Heaven, what did it matter if I took a mere girl? But I never imagined that the one who sent her was my own daughter-in-law, your own granddaughter, Grand Tutor. And I certainly never expected that this woman had once been the Crown Prince’s concubine."

His voice turned sharp and icy. "Had I known beforehand, how could I have risked such moral outrage? Back then, I thought her too coarse for court and even considered turning her out for the sake of the Crown Princess’s dignity. How could I have brought such shame and consequences upon myself?"

He spoke each word deliberately. "Grand Tutor, now tell me—who is it that pushed me into this depraved abyss?"

Tears streamed down the Duke of Yingguo’s face as he trembled and pressed his forehead to the floor. "Your Majesty, this servant has failed you and the late Emperor!"

The Jingxi Emperor said, "Grand Tutor, I once considered simply ending the woman’s life to bury this secret forever. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it."

He lifted his robe and crouched before the Duke, meeting his eyes as he whispered, "Grand Tutor, I admit I was weak. But that rare beauty—she did nothing wrong. Our liaison was the only mistake. Yet I was to kill her for it? I couldn’t do it. Tell me, Grand Tutor, was I wrong?"

The Duke dared not meet the Emperor’s piercing gaze and pressed his forehead to the ground, weeping until his voice broke. "Your Majesty, you are not at fault... The fault is mine alone..."

The Jingxi Emperor said, "She was but a coastal fisherman’s daughter. It was because I failed to govern Great Hui properly that such a helpless woman was cast adrift. If I were to kill her, how could I call myself a ruler, a father, or even a man of honor?"

The Duke of Yingguo wept until his voice broke. "Your Majesty, now that things have come to this, the decision rests entirely in your hands. This old subject would gladly spill his blood to protect Your Majesty’s reputation!"

As he spoke through his tears, he saw the Jingxi Emperor rise and calmly straighten his impeccable robes.

With an expressionless face, the Emperor said, "Grand Tutor, tell me—how exactly shall we 'dance to the Emperor’s tune'?"

The Duke’s heart sank, then eased slightly.

He knew he would have to pay a price—but at least there was still a price he could pay.

Had the woman never entered the palace, there would have been countless solutions. But now that she had been taken into the inner court as a consort candidate, it was too late. All they could do was serve the Emperor’s will.

Listening to the Duke’s words, the Jingxi Emperor’s expression was resolute and cold.

He understood—with the Empress Dowager’s support within and the Duke of Yingguo’s compliance without, this matter was already settled.

No one could stop it now.

****************

After settling into Langhua Palace, A Wu had expected to see the Jingxi Emperor soon. Yet two days passed, filled with drills in palace decorum and adjusting to life within the inner court.

Consort Hui was remarkably gracious, even paying her a visit to explain many things and offering her guidance whenever needed.

A Wu was deeply grateful.

She knew her past as a former concubine of the Crown Prince was a stain on her name, and she had no idea how the Empress Dowager would react. Though Consort Hui had been instructed by the Emperor, her unfeigned warmth touched A Wu’s heart.

That day, just as she was seeing Consort Hui off, Fu Tai arrived.

A Wu was quite familiar with Fu Tai and didn’t blink an eye. But to her surprise, Consort Hui deferred to him noticeably.

When Consort Hui departed, Fu Tai only inclined his head slightly, while she exchanged pleasantries with deference.

A Wu was startled. She began to sense that Fu Tai held a high status in the palace—even Consort Hui, a ranked consort, had to show him courtesy.

Then it struck her—of course. As the Jingxi Emperor’s right-hand man, the imperial consorts would naturally treat him with reverence.

As she was thinking this, Eunuch Fu tentatively asked, "Little Noble Lady, is Consort Hui quite amiable?"

Caught off guard by his question, A Wu replied, "Yes, she's very nice!"

Eunuch Fu chuckled, arms folded in his sleeves, "Good, that's good!"

Suddenly understanding, A Wu exclaimed, "Eunuch Fu, so you came here on purpose!"

Eunuch Fu feigned innocence, "How so?"

A Wu, feeling pleased, teased, "Here to throw your weight around!"

Eunuch Fu coughed lightly and said helplessly, "My lady, could you be a bit more careful with your words?"

Though he could swagger through the palace unimpeded, he never managed to assert any authority in front of this Little Noble Lady.

A Wu laughed even more, "Fine, pretend I didn't say anything!"

Looking at the young woman's radiant smile, as bright as spring blossoms, Eunuch Fu couldn't help but understand why the emperor was so taken with her. Even the most displeased heart would soften at the sight of such a peerless beauty.

He beamed, "I thought since you've just entered the palace, you might lack some necessities, so I came to deliver them."

Lowering his voice, he added, "A few days ago, His Majesty ordered the private treasury opened and instructed me personally to select the finest items for you. I spared no effort—I selected only the finest for you, my lady!"

A Wu nearly squealed in delight.

Eunuch Fu quickly hushed her, "My lady, hush! This is the palace!"

He sighed—still so childish! The emperor would have his work cut out for him. Well, he'd just have to teach her step by step.

A Wu nodded eagerly, "Yes, yes!"

Eunuch Fu promptly gave an order, and a line of servants filed in, each carrying a large rosewood box gold-lacquered. They bowed first before laying out the items on the table.

In no time, the table was covered with boxes of all sizes.

A Wu blinked, "All these are for me?"

Seeing the mix of anticipation and disbelief in her clear, bright eyes, Eunuch Fu felt an urge to present everything to her at once.

He smiled, "These are daily essentials for a lady's chamber. See if they please you."

Opening the first box, he revealed a collection of fine items: a cloisonné copper brazier, a red-embroidered white felt cushion, an enameled incense set with copper fittings, a jade incense holder carved with cloud motifs, a red lacquered spittoon, and a square glass mirror.

A Wu knew each piece was likely an imperial treasure, crafted with the utmost care.

Eunuch Fu opened another box, this one filled with cosmetics.

He explained, "My lady, this is safflower rouge, this is pearl powder made from true jasmine seeds, and here—this year's peach blossom powder all the noble ladies are using. Pick what you fancy, and the maids can help you with them later."

A Wu remembered Nanny Sun saying how rare peach blossom powder was back in the prince's residence. She opened a small white-glazed porcelain box to find the powder inside silky and finely milled—clearly top quality.

Noticing her delight, Eunuch Fu introduced other creams and powders: ruby cream to soften skin, jade powder to cleanse the complexion, and face creams blended with goose fat and patchouli. Each item was of the finest imperial quality, all now bestowed upon A Wu.

A Wu was naturally delighted as she looked, picking up some with a hairpin and gently rubbing it between her fingertips. It was indeed fine enough, with a faint fragrance.

She stood before the nearly full-height cloisonné mirror, gazing at her reflection in the bronze glass, liking what she saw more and more.

She was truly stunning—even the mighty Jingxi Emperor had fallen for her charms.

She couldn’t help but want to admire herself in the mirror every day, she thought. After all, such a large, full-height bronze mirror was rare outside the palace!

At this moment, Fu Tai stood respectfully nearby and said with a smile, "Either tomorrow or the day after, once His Majesty has some free time, he will come to Langhua Palace."

A Wu understood that "come" meant a royal summons.

Did this mean the Jingxi Emperor was going to have her?

Puzzled, she turned to Fu Tai and asked, "Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of plaque? Doesn’t my name need to be written on it before I can be chosen?"

Fu Tai chuckled. "Which female palace official told you that? That's old news!"

Nowadays, the Emperor barely ever called for anyone from the inner palace, and many rules existed in name only. Yet the female palace officials, bound by protocol, still recited these outdated rules to newly arrived noble ladies—wasn’t that just scaring them for no reason?

A Wu’s eyes brightened. "So I don’t have to attend those lectures?"

Fu Tai replied, "...You still must. It’s part of the palace regulations and can’t be abolished. But rest assured, Little Noble Lady, His Majesty will surely favor you more."

Who knew how much effort had been spent to settle this precious Little Noble Lady in the inner palace? The past few days had been a whirlwind of activity—dealing with court officials, suppressing disputes—all for the sake of this delicate young lady! Clearly, the Emperor needed to arrange everything properly before he could leisurely enjoy her company under the moonlight.

A Wu understood. "The Emperor's playing favorites with me."

Fu Tai smiled. "You got it!"