Chapter 72 So He Began to Love Nights

Chapter 72: So He Began to Love the Night

His hopes gradually dwindled, since Shen Shiyan clearly wasn't interested—he just lay there still, possibly already asleep.

"D-ddy." Shen Ci turned over, called out to him, not really sure why.

They weren't too close or too far apart, just enough to feel a hint of warmth through the blanket's gaps.

"Hmm?" Shen Shiyan answered right away.

So he wasn't asleep yet. A spark of hope flickered in Shen Ci's chest. He inched a bit closer to Shen Shiyan, then got worried he'd crawl onto him in his sleep and press against his right arm, so he moved back, ending up even further away, right at the bed's edge.

Shen Shiyan could sense his small movements—this back-and-forth of getting closer then pulling away made his already fuzzy mind feel a little bitter.

His throat dry, Shen Shiyan blinked his eyes open and hummed again, his voice even softer now.

Shen Ci wondered if he was too far and thought about moving a little closer, but then he remembered he'd called out to Shen Shiyan.

"Hmm..." He felt kinda awkward, not knowing what to say, and awkwardly brought up a topic that seemed okay, "How'd you know Brother Sicheng was gonna call Sister Zizhu?"

Shen Shiyan fiddled with the little lace on the pillow, not really interested in his question, and answered flatly, "After Canghai City, Shen Sicheng asked me a bunch about Assistant Qi, and they've been in contact since."

He sounded like he was giving a report on some super precise science topic, or like he was in a meeting, with zero hint of happiness about his buddy's new romance. Even Shen Ci thought the gossip was kinda boring.

"Oh, okay." Shen Ci answered stiffly, feeling like ending it there was too abrupt. His mind raced as he remembered the dinner talk, and he brightened up, "D-ddy, am I really that bad at science?"

He never checked his individual subject scores; Shen Ci was in the top thirty of the whole school. Not the absolute best, but still up there, and even just keeping his current grades would get him into Yunxi High's top class.

"No." Shen Shiyan spoke slowly that night. "It's already pretty solid."

Shen Ci took the chance to edge toward the middle, propping himself up on his elbows. "Really?"

In the foreign moonlight, Shen Shiyan could see Shen Ci's peach blossom eyes shining even brighter. His gaze a little unfocused, Shen Ci's pupils turned into two faint glows. He wanted to get closer, even closer, until their lashes touched and blinked together.

Shen Shiyan blinked twice quickly to focus, pushing the messy thoughts out of his head before replying, "Really."

"Shen Ci." Shen Shiyan wanted to add more, "You never have to stress about your grades—being great is awesome, but being bad is fine too."

He knew Shen Ci would ask why, so without further thought, he quickly continued, "I've got your back."

I've got your back for life.

Even if Shen Ci never got better at school, Shen Shiyan would just see it as a way for Shen Ci to gain experience. If one day Shen Ci came to him and said school sucked, Shen Shiyan would let him take a break or even drop out, letting him mess around with skateboards and his phone all day, turning into a spoiled rich kid in the business world. None of that would matter at all.

He would earn the money, bear the pressure of the Shen family, and teach Shen Ci what he didn't want to learn at school.

He only hoped Shen Ci would be happy, have everything go smoothly, and live a safe, worry-free life.

Shen Ci once again felt the same helplessness as when he first had a buffet, along with the immense reassurance Shen Shiyan had given him back then about having his back. But the eleven-year-old Shen Ci and the fifteen-year-old Shen Ci were very different—his thoughts were now much more complex. The only thing that remained unchanged was his gratitude.

He felt like crying.

"Can I hug you?" Shen Ci wiped his tearless eyes and asked timidly.

Shen Shiyan remained silent.

Deep down, Shen Ci wasn't a very obedient child. He behaved well in front of Shen Shiyan because he liked him—truly seeing him as family, a brother, a d-ddy.

He didn't want to ask for Shen Shiyan's permission anymore. A strong urge drove him.

Throwing off the covers, Shen Ci got out of bed and walked straight to the left side. There was only a narrow space between Shen Shiyan's body and the edge. He squeezed in forcefully, lying on his side with half his body hanging off.

Afraid of falling, he instinctively draped his legs over Shen Shiyan's, pressing his upper body tightly against Shen Shiyan's left arm. The room, chilled by the eighteen-degree air conditioning, suddenly felt warm.

"Can you move over a bit?" Shen Ci buried his forehead in Shen Shiyan's shoulder, his voice muffled. "I really want to hug you right now."

Shen Shiyan didn't react further, silently shifting aside to make enough room for Shen Ci to lie down.

He felt so conflicted. Even when he first started managing the company at eighteen, facing major decisions, he had never wavered like this.

This lack of resolve and the overwhelming desire to possess Shen Ci left him feeling powerless and afraid.

Ever since the summer camp—or rather, since he realized Shen Ci was a normal boy who other girls might like—Shen Shiyan's heart had been in turmoil. His possessiveness and selfishness took over; he couldn't bear the thought of Shen Ci liking someone else, even though it was an inevitable part of life. He just couldn't accept it.

But now, this obsession with Shen Ci, proving through intimate gestures that he wouldn't leave, didn't bring him peace. Instead, it brought doubled, endless fear.

His usual rationality told him to restrain himself, but once near Shen Ci, he had almost no reason left.

Maybe one day his feelings would be exposed, and the price would be losing Shen Ci forever.

"So warm." Shen Ci murmured softly, nuzzling against Shen Shiyan, feeling drowsy.

In a light sleep, Shen Ci hazily wondered why he had insisted on separate rooms in the first place. He couldn't quite remember—being with d-ddy gave him an indescribable sense of security.

Frowning slightly, his eyes moved faintly beneath his thin eyelids.

It seemed like hugging d-ddy would make him feel something pressing against him.

It was an externalization of desire.

Shen Ci's subconscious wandered, unsure if he was actually asleep. He felt that the thought he just had carried some literary flair and was quite philosophical.

He continued thinking.

D-ddy's desire.

...

And the object of that desire seemed to be himself.

Shen Ci tried to delve deeper, but his eyes grew heavier, and he couldn't grasp that thread of thought.

He slept well.

He remembered nothing of his own thoughts, including that "Shen Ci quote."

The next morning, the bedside was empty again. Shen Ci was used to it—he rarely saw Shen Shiyan in the morning.

The summit venue was luxurious, near the sea, with stunning blue waters.

Though Shen Ci got seasick, he loved the seaside. The salty breeze and soft sand beneath his feet relaxed him.

While Shen Shiyan talked with people inside the venue, Shen Ci snuck out to write names in the wet sand with his fingers. He wrote the names of people he cared about, took a photo of each, and watched as the names were erased by the chasing waves.

Finally, he wrote his own. He placed his hand over it, washing away the name and cleaning his hands at the same time.

Shen Ci sent the photos to Song Qiuchi and Chen Bufan.

"Shen Ci: Photo"

"Shen Ci: So beautiful. I bet it'll be even prettier at night."

No one replied. Just as Shen Ci was about to put away his phone, a message popped up from Shen Shiyan, who hadn’t received the photos he sent.

"Shen Shiyan: Stay safe."

He smiled and replied with a casual "Got it," deciding to come back in the evening.

From the rosy dusk until nightfall, lights shimmered on the sea surface. In the distance, a few anchored ships had their mast lights blinking, guiding people home. It was predictably beautiful.

Shen Ci felt completely at ease as the sea breeze blew. He really did prefer the night, after all.

But this preference had only started recently, because he realized that every time Shen Shiyan got gentle and talkative, it happened at night.

So he began to love the hazy, ambiguous nights, the moon hanging high in the sky, and every conversation that made his heart race.

Shen Ci knew something was wrong with his heart.

Shen Ci didn’t know for whom this heart was beating.