Chapter 126 Plain and Passionate

Chapter 126: Mundane and Passionate

They went slowly and took their time until the early hours. By the time Shen Shiyan finished bathing him and carried him to bed, Shen Shiyan's tongue was still a bit numb.

"Brother." Shen Ci poked at the teeth marks and bite marks he’d left on Shen Shiyan's body. "Let me see the album."

Shen Shiyan grabbed his phone, glanced at the time, found the hidden album, handed it to Shen Ci, and lay back down.

"They're all photos of you when you were little, and screenshots from your live streams." Shen Shiyan half-opened his eyes, watching Shen Ci's stunning eyes in the glow of the phone screen.

"I was this dumb when I was little?" Shen Ci lifted his head slightly, holding up what looked like a selfie of himself to Shen Shiyan. He didn’t remember any of these images.

"Pretty cute." Shen Shiyan smiled.

"You've been documenting me since that early." Shen Ci pulled his hand back and flipped through the photos one by one.

Most were taken after Shen Ci had fallen asleep, along with some blurry shots of his back. Apart from group photos, there were hardly any proper front-facing photos.

"Brother." Shen Ci clicked on a short video of himself asleep in the bathtub, with Shen Shiyan applying foam to his face.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing." Shen Ci moved on to the next video. "Just calling your name."

Shen Shiyan was getting drowsy, but he stayed with Shen Ci, going through every single photo. In between, Shen Ci would ask small questions about the pictures, and Shen Shiyan would answer briefly.

Shen Shiyan's gaze never left Shen Ci's face. Occasionally, Shen Ci would look up and meet his eyes, and they’d share a silent kiss.

By the time they reached the last photo, the time on the phone already read 4:43 AM.

Shen Ci turned off the phone, and the room plunged into darkness.

He shifted Shen Shiyan from lying on his side to lying flat, then moved from the pillow to Shen Shiyan's chest, pressing his ear against it to listen to the steady, powerful heartbeat.

Shen Shiyan didn't speak, just gently stroked his hair.

Shen Ci couldn't quite explain how he felt after looking through the album. Maybe because he had confessed to Shen Shiyan about his years-long addiction to his love and desire for Shen Shiyan, his happiness was tinged with a faint sense of loss.

It was like back in middle and high school, before Shen Ci had even realized his feelings for Shen Shiyan, he had already shown a fierce possessiveness and an anxious fear of him leaving.

And now it was the same.

That anxiety would slowly be soothed by Shen Shiyan's attentive care, but over time, it seemed to demand more.

Shen Ci remembered some junk TV shows he’d watched out of boredom.

Romantic teen dramas always paint a clichéd picture of the beauty of love and glorify its greatness, but family soaps are full of petty fights and the plainness after passion fades.

Something like the seven-year itch.

Shen Ci's uncontrollable anxiety came from being too happy, which led to overthinking.

He always wanted to hold onto those blissful moments—like the first time everyone gathered at Yunjing Mansion to eat cookies. He had felt the same way then.

When he first got together with Shen Shiyan, that anxiety was replaced by intense fondness and the joy of being reunited, so at that time, he could better control his compulsive urges, or at least not dwell on them too much.

As days passed leisurely, the root of the anxiety slowly came back.

When you're in love, you focus too much on your partner, forgetting that you yourself are wonderful, slowly losing yourself, and making your partner the center of your world.

This nagging anxiety gnawed at him, making him crave the extra tenderness and love he felt from Shen Shiyan during intimacy, far more than usual.

In everyday life, Shen Shiyan's love was love; but in moments of warmth, Shen Shiyan's love was love squared.

So he was addicted to that feeling—he wouldn’t worry about a monotonous life, wouldn’t worry about time dragging on, and wouldn’t worry that their love and desire would one day fizzle out like in those seven-year-itch storylines.

Shen Ci hated how much he overthought things.

But he’d always been an overthinker, even as a kid.

...

"Baby." Shen Shiyan called out to him for no reason.

Shen Ci had thought Shen Shiyan was already asleep.

"What's making you unhappy?" Shen Shiyan lightly ran his finger over Shen Ci's lips. "Don't bottle things up alone."

Shen Ci was stunned for a moment. He shifted to lie on his stomach, his long hair draped over his shoulders, the blanket arching up over his head.

"I'm not unhappy." Shen Ci looked at him. "It's just... being too happy feels unreal. I'm afraid that one day life won't be as passionate as it is now..."

"Mm." Shen Shiyan's voice was soft.

In the darkness, Shen Ci couldn't see Shen Shiyan's expression, only felt him rustling beside him.

Shen Shiyan sprawled on his stomach too, curling up just like Shen Ci, their foreheads touching.

"Did you often think like that those four years?" Shen Shiyan asked.

Shen Ci thought for a moment. "Occasionally. Not that often."

"But I've always overthought things." Shen Shiyan took Shen Ci's hand and played with his fingers. "Even now."

Shen Ci asked what he thought about.

"A lot of things. You, Mom, memories of the past when we were kids." Shen Shiyan pressed his lips to the back of Shen Ci's hand, warm and soft. "I wouldn’t have made it through without you."

"I even used to research how to die with dignity, how to make it less painful. But because of Mom's talisman, I felt like I was hanging by a thread, barely holding on until I turned eighteen and joined the Shen family."

When Shen Shiyan said this, his tone reminded me of Zhong Yurong telling stories to her six-year-old son.

"Then I met you. I basically stopped thinking about dying. I was busy with work and raising you, and I became much happier."

Shen Ci was stunned. He never imagined Shen Shiyan had thought about dying.

"After Mom left..." Shen Shiyan let out a breath, his voice slow. "Saying this might sound melodramatic, but Shen Ci, during those four years, it was you who kept me going. Bringing down a company is hard. Dragging down all those people in cahoots with Shen Siyu was hard too."

"After we got together, even when I was away from home, I’d often just stare at the bed in the break room, wondering: Is this real? Am I dreaming? Did Shen Ci actually come back?"

He chuckled and went on, "I understand how you feel. I’ve been through the same thing."

"You have to allow those thoughts to exist." Shen Shiyan slid his fingers through Shen Ci's. "Happiness is something hard to grasp. But because you’re here, it becomes real."

Shen Ci’s eyes got a little teary.

Ever since they were kids, Shen Shiyan had always been like this—immediately sensing his emotions, seeing through his sadness, and pulling him out of his emotional spiral.

"No one's life stays passionate forever, Shen Ci. Don’t be afraid of the mundane. Accept it. And in the mundane, you'll feel true happiness float up from the stagnant waters of life."

Shen Shiyan gave his hand a little shake.

Shen Ci felt that all his college courses were a waste—the psychology knowledge he learned for Shen Shiyan reverted to boring text on paper when facing Shen Shiyan.

Shen Ci had no idea how Shen Shiyan had managed to detect his unease and anxious thoughts.

But Shen Shiyan knew.

Shen Shiyan's love was truly beyond question.

"Thank you, brother." Shen Ci squeezed back. "I want a hug right now."

Shen Shiyan chuckled, then lay down and pulled him close.

Shen Ci concluded this emotional debate between calm and passion by shedding a few tears.

"You're just a twenty-three-year-old kid." Shen Shiyan gently pinched his cheek. "It's perfectly normal to have so many thoughts."

Shen Ci nodded.

He would still have his anxious thoughts in the future—there was no changing it—but he would immediately hug his boyfriend and life mentor.

Life might grow less passionate with each passing day, but their love would remain as passionate as ever.