Chapter 11: It’s Okay to Be a Little Selfish

Chapter 11: It's Okay to Be a Little Selfish

Xu Jianqing was just an afterthought. Xu Jianqing had suffered so much in this family, and Xu Moxing had it even worse.

Xu Moxing was way more sensitive than Xu Jianqing, which meant the harm he suffered was a hundred or a thousand times worse than hers.

So it was understandable that he often looked at things pessimistically.

First, picture the worst-case scenario, play it out in his head ahead of time—that way, it wouldn't be so easy to get hurt.

This was how Xu Moxing had survived all these years.

But he wasn't always pessimistic. People are complicated and have many sides.

In a calm environment, Xu Moxing was cheerful and proactive. Otherwise, he and Su Lichen wouldn't have lasted that long before things went wrong.

Among the entire Xu family, Xu Jianqing loved her older brother more than anyone and felt closest to him. The more you love, the harder you are on them.

Xu Jianqing craved worldly success. In a family like that, her survival strategy was to "fight back"—to escape and prove herself through success and strength.

Subconsciously, she believed that only sharp, harsh words could "motivate" her brother to improve and "snap him out of it."

She blindly applied her cutthroat office logic—"move forward or die"—to Xu Moxing, mistaking putting him down for motivating him and thinking he was irresponsible and lazy.

To this day, Xu Jianqing never understood that true love meant respecting what Xu Moxing wanted.

Her apology now was just damage control after the emotional storm, not a vaccine against the storm itself.

She was a successful woman, exhausted, carrying her own scars, and loving all wrong.

What Xu Moxing bore was not just her temper, but the unresolved pain from her entire upbringing.

But Xu Jianqing always forgot that Xu Moxing was also a victim.

And Xu Moxing always remembered that Xu Jianqing was a victim just like him. That was where they differed.

Who gets to decide that only worldly success counts as "making it"?

Xu Moxing was under no obligation to live up to her expectations, just as she was under no obligation to live up to his.

True responsibility didn't have to mean achieving fame and fortune.

Living a quiet life on his own terms—not burdening anyone, not taking from anyone, living his days the way he wanted, and owing nothing to anyone—was already impressive.

Hearing Xu Jianqing apologize, Xu Moxing just shook his head. "It's fine."

He was a little stunned, but he said it was okay first.

Was work that scary? He didn't remember his sister being like this before.

Now she had become so terrifying! She was starting to remind him of their mom—that same controlling feeling.

Xu Moxing quickly shook off that bad thought. "Qingmei, between A Li and me… before I lost my memory, were we doing okay?"

Xu Jianqing froze for a second.

She looked up at him.

That look was quick but really complicated.

"What do you think?"

Xu Moxing thought about it for a second. "I think… we seemed pretty good. He took care of me very carefully, and the house was full of stuff for two people. But…"

"But what?"

"But there's no trace of him in my phone," Xu Moxing said. "No WeChat, no photos, no contacts."

Xu Moxing figured that no matter how much he fought with Su Lichen, he wouldn't delete everything about him.

When he first woke up from the car accident, he thought he might've done that because he was obsessed with emotional purity.

But Su Lichen was his lover, the closest person to him.

He really couldn't understand why he'd become even more immature five years later, deleting someone's contact after a fight—that didn't seem like something he'd do.

Yet he couldn't be a hundred percent sure, after all, who knew what the future had in store or how he'd changed?

For now, Xu Moxing was leaning toward the idea that something must have happened between them five years down the line, causing him to delete all of Su Lichen's contact information.

Xu Jianqing was quiet for a bit.

Xu Moxing looked at her and suddenly felt she had something to say but was holding it in.

"Do you know something?" he asked.

Xu Jianqing looked away, staring out the window. "I don't really know about you two lovebirds."

"Alright, hope I get my memory back soon."

Worried he'd overthink it, she added.

"You should be able to feel whether Su Lichen treats you well or not."

She lowered her voice. "Now that you're living here, if you think it's good, then it's fine. If not, just call me and I'll get someone to look after you.

Remember, no matter what happens, I'm still here. I'm always your little sis."

Xu Jianqing couldn't ever say anything nice; she was way too used to being sharp with her brother.

Xu Moxing opened his mouth to say something but didn't know what.

From the kitchen, Su Lichen came out carrying the dishes.

"Time to eat."

Xu Jianqing stood up and walked over to help set the chopsticks.

Xu Moxing watched her walk away and felt a tightness in his chest.

He remembered the look she had given him earlier—quick but complicated. It was like she wanted to say something but couldn't.

And hearing his sister's last words, why did he feel this weird sense of being wronged? Shouldn't he have felt confused instead?

At the dining table, the three of them were each lost in their own thoughts.

Xu Jianqing ate a few bites, then suddenly looked up at Su Lichen.

"When did the doctor say my brother's rehab should start?"

"We'll have a follow-up the week after next, and then set a plan."

Xu Jianqing nodded and lowered her head to resume eating.

After a few bites, she looked up at Xu Moxing again.

"You need to be more attentive yourself. Don't rely on others for everything."

Xu Moxing nodded: "I know."

Xu Jianqing's chopsticks paused as she was picking up vegetables. "Put yourself first. It's okay to be a little selfish."

Xu Jianqing seemed to realize she had said too much. She lowered her head and ate, saying no more.

Xu Moxing looked at Su Lichen. Su Lichen didn't look at him; he stared at his bowl of rice.

After that, not much else happened. Except for his leg, Xu Moxing's injuries had mostly healed.

He could eat them as long as the dishes were light in flavor. He felt that both A Li and his sister were acting weird, but now wasn't a good time to ask.

Xu Moxing tried to liven up the atmosphere. "A Li, your cooking is really good. When we lived together, did we take turns cooking?"

"Yeah, sometimes you went on business trips. When you weren't, whoever got home first would cook. But usually we took turns."

"Future me is so lucky. But I'm pretty happy now too."

After a few more exchanges, he brought up his sister.

"Qingmei, are you a successful career woman yet? How do you usually eat?"

"I order takeout or eat in the cafeteria. I don't plan to learn to cook."

"Technology is advancing so fast. Maybe in a few years there'll be domestic robots."

Su Lichen added.

"Well, for you lovebirds, cooking is about romance, life, and hobbies. I'm all alone, so I don't care whether I can cook or not. I can't be bothered, and I don't have the time."

Both Su Lichen and Xu Jianqing could tell Xu Moxing was trying to lighten the mood, and they played along calmly.

After the meal, Xu Jianqing stood up and said she had to leave.

Xu Moxing was surprised. "So soon?"

"I've got things to do tonight." Xu Jianqing had already picked up her bag. "Rest up. Call me if anything comes up."

She walked to the door, and as she was changing her shoes, suddenly turned to look back.

Not at Xu Moxing, but at Su Lichen.

That glance was brief, but Xu Moxing saw it.

Then she opened the door and left.

The door closed with a soft sound.