Chapter 13: Forgetting Is Good for Everyone

Chapter 13: Forgetting Is Better for Everyone

What’s terrifying isn’t that he looks like his mother or some other trivial trait, but that Xu Moxing is gradually becoming just like his mother, emotionally manipulating those around him.

Complaining is also a form of emotional manipulation.

Whether intentional or not, he despises these traits in his mother, yet unconsciously, he has been subtly influenced.

He has become the person he hates.

Why?

Because the most profound learning happens unconsciously.

As he grew up, especially the first twenty years, his brain was in a period of high plasticity.

Parents’ words and actions, emotional expression patterns, and conflict resolution styles are directly etched into neural circuits through implicit learning.

This kind of learning doesn’t require deliberate imitation or even awareness—just like people who grow up hearing a dialect unconsciously carry an accent later in life.

He had been oppressed for a long time, accumulating a great deal of anger, resentment, and helplessness inside.

In the family, he was at the bottom of the power hierarchy, unable to resist.

After entering society, he gained relatively autonomous space and could influence others around him, such as partners, friends, subordinates, etc.

At this point, a psychological compensation may unconsciously emerge: treating others the way he was once treated.

Moreover, he had never seen other versions of emotional expression.

Xu Moxing didn’t know how to express emotions healthily; when he had strong feelings inside, his only model was his mother’s template.

Trying too hard not to be like her ends up making him like her in a different way.

He loathed his mother’s control and swore, “I will never become her.”

But this “never” required constant mental energy to monitor himself, which instead kept his mother’s image at the center of his mind.

In the dream, Xu Moxing didn’t realize this; he found that others didn’t want to listen, so he tried to suppress his emotions, but the more he suppressed, the more problems arose.

The rest of the dream was chaotic, without logic or cause and effect. Finally, without knowing what happened, Xu Moxing proposed breaking up with Su Lichen.

The real Xu Moxing felt like he was experiencing sleep paralysis, wanting to wake up but unable to, struggling for a long time.

Finally managing to wake up, he found himself once again in tears.

The same nightmare as the first day after his memory loss—he broke up with Su Lichen in the dream.

Xu Moxing reached out and wiped away his tears. Still lying flat, he turned his head to look at A Li, who was also lying flat, fast asleep.

He turned on his phone’s flashlight, and by that faint light, in that awkward posture, he stared at Su Lichen’s face for a long, long time.

Then he reached out and gently touched him.

Su Lichen didn’t move.

He touched him again.

“A Li,” he whispered.

Su Lichen didn’t wake up.

Xu Moxing reached out, along Su Lichen’s shoulder, and pulled over the hand that Su Lichen had placed on his abdomen, holding it.

Unconsciously sensing Xu Moxing’s movement, Su Lichen turned sideways to face him and squeezed Xu Moxing’s hand.

Xu Moxing’s mood, which the nightmare had worsened, gradually calmed down. Holding hands, Xu Moxing fell asleep again.

The next morning, when Xu Moxing woke up, Su Lichen was already gone.

Xu Moxing took out his phone; Su Lichen had already sent him a message.

“Mo, I have some business this morning, I’m heading to the office. I’ll make it back before noon.

There’s breakfast on the table. After you wake up, eat breakfast and remember to take your medicine. It’s the weekend today, Sister Zhang isn’t coming back. No one’s watching over you, so don’t do anything reckless. Wait for me to come back!”

Xu Moxing looked at the long message from Su Lichen and zoned out for a bit.

Yesterday’s nightmare—maybe his brain was protecting him—Xu Moxing had almost forgotten it, only remembering that he had another breakup dream.

With sufficient sleep and his hormones were balanced, Xu Moxing was in a great mood now.

He ate breakfast, took his medicine, and sat alone in his wheelchair.

The weather had been nice lately. With nothing to do, he wheeled himself to the balcony to enjoy the view.

After a while, he picked up his phone and opened his sister’s WeChat.

He wanted to send something, but didn’t know what to say.

The chat still held the message from before the car accident—his sister had asked, “Coming home for Qingming?” and he had replied, “Not going, busy.”

Looking at that word “busy,” he could see that five years later, he had issues not only with A Li but also with Sister Qing.

Because he rarely sent messages like that; with close people, he sent stickers constantly, because he felt text had no emotion.

Text, especially plain text in instant messaging, is a “lean medium.”

When conveying information, it automatically filters out the speaker’s tone, intonation, volume, as well as facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, body posture, etc.

He himself felt it was cold and impersonal, so he usually added stickers to convey his emotions.

But since both Su Lichen and his sister were keeping things from him, he decided not to pry further.

Fate made him forget some things—maybe it was protecting him.

Xu Moxing looked at the beautiful scenery from the balcony and decided to focus on recovering from his injuries first, and let everything else take its course.

After enjoying the view, Xu Moxing finally sent Xu Jianqing a message.

“Sister Qing, are you done with work? The weather in Shenzhen is great today. Are you leaving Shenzhen after your business trip?”

Xu Moxing picked up his phone, pointed it at the clear blue sky, and took a photo to send to Xu Jianqing.

After a long while, Xu Jianqing replied with a series of messages.

“Almost done. My flight is this afternoon.”

“The photo is simple and unpretentious, but I can tell the weather is really nice.”

"The things I bought for you are arriving tomorrow, along with those health supplements. Remember to take them."

Xu Moxing smiled, "Okay, I will. Behave.jpg"

"You need to rest more too. I could see yesterday that your concealer didn't even hide the dark circles under your eyes."

"...I'll wear concealer next time I see you."

Xu Jianqing doesn't like wearing makeup or high heels.

But her job requires makeup, because in this line of work, even men have to wear makeup and look presentable.

High heels can give her a more imposing and commanding presence.

She's still too young now. Once she reaches her mid-thirties and climbs to a certain level, that innate authority might allow her to forgo the boost from external trappings.

"I hope you can come see me without makeup next time, so I can tell if you've been resting well."

Xu Jianqing felt a warmth in her heart upon reading this.

"I'll do my best."

It's good that her brother is this way. Let him just focus on healing; forgetting might be better for everyone.

When he eventually becomes his old self again, we'll talk then.

Xu Moxing, worried about finding a job after his recovery, decided to continue studying.

In the finance industry, it's all about continuously getting certified.

Whether in auditing, accounting, or cashier roles, different levels of certificates are required.

Xu Moxing only vaguely remembered what he learned in college and now has to start over.

When Su Lichen returned just before noon, Xu Moxing was reading a book in the living room.