Chapter 20: Don’t Force It

Chapter 20 Don't Force It

Xu Moxing didn't like the smell of the hospital.

The disinfectant mixed with some other odor—hard to describe, but it just made him uncomfortable.

He was sitting in a wheelchair when Su Lichen pushed him into the consultation room. The middle-aged doctor with glasses he'd seen before was looking at his computer screen.

"Back for a follow-up?"

The doctor remembered this patient, because it was a major public incident, plus Xu Moxing had amnesia—he'd only forgotten the past five years—so the doctor had a particularly deep impression of him.

Su Lichen pushed him over to the desk and sat down in a chair behind him.

The doctor looked through the medical records and then examined his leg.

"How's the cast? Any discomfort?"

"It's okay," Xu Moxing said. "It just itches sometimes."

"That's normal; the bone is healing." The doctor took a small hammer and tapped his leg a few times. "Does it hurt?"

"No."

"How about this?"

"Doesn't hurt either."

The doctor nodded and had him try moving his toes. Xu Moxing wiggled them; all five toes moved.

"Recovery looks good." The doctor wrote a few notes in the record. "Rest it for another month, then you can try using crutches to walk a bit. We'll take an X-ray then to see how the bone is healing."

Xu Moxing nodded.

The doctor looked at Xu Moxing, then at Su Lichen behind him.

"What about your head? Have you remembered anything yet?"

Xu Moxing shook his head. "No."

The doctor leaned back in his chair, speaking casually: "Don't rush it. This kind of thing happens often. A concussion from a car accident, retrograde amnesia—sometimes you just lose a chunk of your memory.

The more you force yourself to remember, the more anxious you become. Let it go, live your life normally, and maybe one day it'll just come back on its own."

"What if I never remember?" Xu Moxing asked.

The doctor glanced at him and smiled. "If you don't, then so be it. Memory—what's lost isn't necessarily important. Besides, however important it was, it's already gone. Don't force it."

Xu Moxing was taken aback for a moment, then turned to look at Su Lichen.

Su Lichen sat there in silence.

He turned forward, nodded, and said, "Okay, thank you, doctor."

When they finished talking, Su Lichen asked: "Doctor, can he stop taking that medicine? The side effects are really bad—he keeps feeling drowsy."

"Yes, you can stop it."

"Also, we're worried he might lack nutrients, and he's very thin. We bought him lots of nutritional supplements and tonics. Could you take a look and tell us if these are safe to take?"

The doctor put down the medical records and looked at the photos on the phone Su Lichen held out.

"They're fine, you can take all of them. Make sure he gets some sunlight."

For several minutes, Su Lichen and the doctor discussed how best to help Xu Moxing recover his leg and maintain his health.

When they came out of the hospital, the sunlight was perfect.

Su Lichen pushed him along the path in front of the hospital, lined with trees Xu Moxing didn't recognize. Some were sprouting tender green leaves, fresh and vivid.

But next to them, other trees had lost all their leaves, as if it were winter.

The weather in Yangcheng and Shencheng, those very southern cities, was especially interesting.

Not only did the weather change unpredictably—summer one day, winter the next—but the plants did too.

In the same place, just a few steps apart, just by looking at the trees, you could feel one was in winter and another in spring.

It seemed each tree had its own idea: if it thought it was winter, it shed all its leaves.

Another tree thought it was spring and started sprouting new leaves.

Xu Moxing was looking at the scenery when he suddenly spoke.

"The doctor said what's lost isn't necessarily important."

Su Lichen didn't answer.

"What do you think?" Xu Moxing turned to look at the person pushing the wheelchair. "Was what I lost important?"

Su Lichen hesitated for a moment.

He looked at the back of Xu Moxing's head, his hair lifting slightly in the wind.

"It's both important and not important. The doctor said not to force it—you'll experience those things again in the future. Forcing it won't work, and it'll just become an obsession."

Su Lichen made a rather philosophical remark.

Xu Moxing smiled and turned forward again: "You're right."

They continued walking for a while, then Xu Moxing suddenly spoke again: "A Li."

"Yeah?"

"If I never remember, would you regret it?"

Su Lichen didn't answer.

The wheelchair kept rolling forward with a soft rumble.

After a long pause, Su Lichen finally said: "No, I hope you never remember."

"Why?"

Xu Moxing was full of questions.

"Because I don't want those memories to become your obsession."

Su Lichen never really answered what he truly felt.

Honestly, his own feelings about it were complicated too.

Logically, of course he hoped Xu Moxing would make a full recovery.

But emotionally, he didn’t want Xu Moxing to remember—because remembering would mean their peaceful life now would be broken.

Xu Moxing would delete his contact information again and leave him, since they were already broken up.

Even the most level-headed, unflappable person has things they'd rather avoid and things they can't deal with well.

The hotel was in the old district of Yang City, which Xu Moxing had booked ahead of time.

He had no income now, so he was counting every penny. After discussing it with Su Lichen, they settled on a hotel that wasn’t too expensive.

The room was on the fifth floor, with a large floor-to-ceiling window facing an old street. As soon as Xu Moxing entered, he wheeled himself to the window and pressed his nose against the glass to look down.

"So many food stalls."

Su Lichen put down the luggage, walked over, and stood beside him.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I saw online that locals recommend this... rice noodle thing." Xu Moxing turned to look at him. "Have you been here before?"

"Mm."

"Then do you know which place is good? I mean, it's cool if you don't—I've bookmarked a few places."

Xu Moxing, worried about putting pressure on Su Lichen, brought up Plan B first.

Whenever Xu Moxing traveled with others, no matter what they did, he was always an active participant—not the type to just offer emotional support, but someone who actually helped plan things.

He didn’t like being the sole planner, nor did he enjoy being a mindless follower.

Being the sole planner put too much pressure on him. Even if friends or lovers said, "It's fine, whatever," if the trip went badly, that stress wouldn't go away just because they said nice things.

He was overly responsible and way too sensitive.

He put this pressure on himself because he felt he hadn't done a good enough job, and he didn't want to bear that invisible burden.

The best way to deal with someone like Xu Moxing wasn't to mindlessly dish out emotional support.

It was to join him in the process, to make sure he knew it was a group plan. That way, even if things didn't go well, it was everyone's responsibility, not the planner's alone.

He couldn't be the mindless follower, because he knew that sometimes, mindless cheerleading couldn't really solve problems. If things went badly, everyone knew it, and it didn't become nonexistent just because no one said it.

"Emotional value" that wasn't based on genuine resonance, but only on one-sided cheerleading, was actually ineffective socializing—it didn't actually make things better; it only made Xu Moxing feel it was kind-hearted phoniness.

After a while, the person giving that emotional support would get irritated, feeling they had given something.

But in Xu Moxing's view, this was using the lowest cost to maintain the best image.

It was fine with strangers, but with friends and lovers—how could that be considered intimacy?

That person would unconsciously feel they had offered you tolerance, praise, and freedom. These debts would eventually have to be cashed in, otherwise you'd be seen as ungrateful.

But kind-hearted phoniness wasn't genuine to begin with.

If you're always keeping score, how can it be genuine?

True kindness doesn't even realize it's being kind; it never keeps a tally.

True participation brings its own thoughts and warmth, not just parroting.

True relationships allow for the expression of real needs, not using "going along with everything" to shut down real communication.

Pushy planners work best with mindless followers. Neither is right or wrong; Xu Moxing just didn't like that dynamic.

What he wanted was a balanced, flexible, give-and-take partnership.

In that kind of relationship, there is no absolute "guide" and "tourist"—only two people exploring the world together.

Responsibility is shared, joy is shared, and even the occasional bad experience becomes something you both laugh about.

For Xu Moxing, that was what travel was all about—through new external environments, deepening their connection with each other.