Chapter 9 Another Daredevil

Chapter 9 Another One Who Isn’t Afraid to Die

Thanks to the squishy thief, Lin Jianyuan got home in just one second during the evening rush hour on the subway.

One second was one second, but his body still felt genuinely exhausted—after all, he was just a mentally ill guy entertaining himself; it wasn’t like he’d actually caught some magical snail that could control time.

Anyway, having an extra skip button in life was pretty convenient.

Lin Jianyuan happily carried the frogs home, the sunset melting into a warm, picturesque scene behind him.

The key slid into the lock, and before the door even opened, Lin Jianyuan almost heard the words, "You’re back."

"You’re back." Pink offal appeared before him.

Lin Jianyuan smiled slightly and casually placed the large bag of frogs on the entryway shoe cabinet.

"So many," pink offal floated over, tilting its "head" to examine the frogs. "How do you manage to bring this many home every day?"

Lin Jianyuan: "Company benefits."

Lin Jianyuan had expected his roommate to politely say something like, "Your company has such great benefits," but instead, he just curled his lips slightly and then picked up the frogs to take them into the kitchen.

Soon, the sound of the stove being lit came from the kitchen. Lin Jianyuan changed into slippers and walked over curiously, only to find pink offal was cooking again.

A length of intestine held a frog, peeling it like taking off clothes, one by one.

Another length of intestine curled around a kitchen knife, chopping the skinned frogs in half horizontally.

Yet another length lifted the lid of the pot, testing the steam to check if the water inside was boiling.

Even though it was just one length of intestine from start to finish, it was so long that it could be used in sections.

The scene of multiple intestines dancing wildly made Lin Jianyuan feel amused and impressed, and he couldn’t help but think how efficient his roommate was in the kitchen.

"Are you a student?" Lin Jianyuan leaned against the doorframe, hands in his pockets, and asked.

Pink offal: "Huh?"

"Oh, sorry, slipped up," Lin Jianyuan corrected himself. "I meant to ask if you have a job yet."

Pink offal: "Not yet."

Lin Jianyuan thought to himself, no wonder he always sees him staying at home, seeming pretty free. Probably a college junior or senior with not many classes.

The roommate worked quickly, and before long, a steaming plate of sour soup frog legs was ready.

Lin Jianyuan felt like his nose was caught by the aroma, and he couldn’t help but lift his head and take a few deep sniffs.

The air was filled with an extremely appetizing sour soup scent, rich and golden, very enticing.

The cleaned and cut frog legs were piled high in the bowl, with pickled vegetables and dried chili peppers floating in the broth.

A solid, hearty bowl.

Before serving, the roommate sprinkled a handful of white sesame seeds and drizzled a spoonful of hot oil.

When the hot oil hit, the fragrance of the sesame seeds and dried chili peppers instantly burst forth. The snow-white frog meat sizzled as it was drenched, and the golden soup with chili oil looked great with rice.

Lin Jianyuan’s eyes were glued to it, and he swallowed hard.

"Come eat," the roommate laid out two place settings.

"No, no, it’s fine," Lin Jianyuan quickly waved it off. It wasn’t out of politeness; he’d suddenly remembered that the frog legs weren’t frog legs—they were Satsumas.

So this bowl of sour, spicy, and delicious-looking golden soup frog legs with chili oil was actually golden soup Satsumas with chili oil!

With that thought, Lin Jianyuan instantly lost his appetite—just kidding!

Why did it smell so good? The sour and spicy aroma was way too real! And those frog legs soaking in the broth—his roommate was damn good at plating!

The less meaty upper parts of the frogs were piled at the bottom for support, while the plump, snow-white frog legs were placed on top to entice! Solid meat all the way!

It looked way too delicious!!!

No—wait!

These are Satsumas, Satsumas, Satsumas, and they’re Satsumas that spewed out of Jiang Chen’s throat!

Wait, if they spewed out of Jiang Chen’s throat, then they’re frog legs. If they’re Satsumas, then they must have been bought by a colleague from the fruit store before the meeting.

Lin Jianyuan felt dizzy trying to sort it out. After a couple of seconds, it hit him—did it even matter?

He’s mentally ill; isn’t eating random stuff pretty normal?

Eat!

Lin Jianyuan decisively picked up his chopsticks, deciding not to hold back—as his roommate said, these frogs/Satsumas were brought home by him! Why should he hold back with himself?

So the two sat at the table. Lin Jianyuan and his new roommate shared their first meal together since they met.

Admittedly, even though he rationally knew his roommate was a person and not a digestive system, watching a length of intestine use chopsticks to stuff frog legs into his mouth was still quite entertaining.

Watching an isolated mouth chew chew chew was also entertaining.

Watching a throat swallow and an esophagus wriggling was even more entertaining.

Like one of those medical educational videos…

Kinda interesting.

After the meal, Lin Jianyuan offered to wash the dishes. Pink offal floated nearby, watching with keen interest.

"I’ve really never seen anyone like you before," pink offal said.

Lin Jianyuan: "I’ve never seen anyone like you either…" —offal.

Pink offal didn’t respond. Lin Jianyuan turned his head and happened to see him curve his lips into a light smile.

The curve of his lips was honestly quite good-looking—if he weren’t just a mouth.

No, of course he isn’t just a mouth. He’s a person, a person, a person…

Once he accepted the idea that the other was a person, Lin Jianyuan started to feel the situation was weird.

Two grown men squeezed into such a small kitchen, one washing dishes, the other standing nearby watching with a smile.

Kinda gay.

Lin Jianyuan finished washing the dishes quickly and said, "Thanks for the meal. I’m heading back to my room."

"Mhm," said Pink Offal.

Lin Jianyuan returned to his room, scrolled through his phone for a while, took a shower, and went to bed.

Late at night.

A length of intestine coiled around the doorknob and silently entered Lin Jianyuan's room.

The squishy snail toy, which had been carelessly stuffed into the corner of the backpack, was originally soft and squishy and almost asleep. At this moment, it instantly tensed up all over, its soft and springy body hardening as if thrown into liquid nitrogen—so brittle it would shatter at a touch.

"See anything?" The digestive system unhinged its jaw like a python and elegantly swallowed Lin Jianyuan's head.

It wasn't in a hurry to chew, but instead savored the richly flavored head as if sucking on a lollipop.

The squishy snail toy let out a terrified "eep," desperately shrinking its body further into the backpack, muttering, "I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything!"

Gulping down negative emotions in large mouthfuls, the digestive system curled into a smile. The real feast had just begun—the thick, honey-like intensity of those emotions was its best food.

Swallowing itself was almost a pleasure. It swallowed greedily, insatiably, until even the tips of its teeth began to itch slightly.

It really wanted a bite.

It wanted to bite this head off.

"I didn't see anything, didn't see anything, didn't see anything..." The squishy thief repeated this like a mantra.

"How could that be? You followed him all day..." The digestive system, with a whole human head in its mouth, mumbled around the head, "If you still 'didn't see anything,' then you might as well die."

"Eek!" The squishy snail toy let out a sound like a squeeze chicken.

Under such blunt and brutal intimidation, the squishy snail toy spilled everything it had seen and heard during the day like beans.

The digestive system listened to the story of the food's suffering while continuing to eat.

Suddenly, the human head in its throat seemed even more delicious.

"Pop—"

The digestive system gave one last hard suck before reluctantly releasing the lollipop-like human head.

As always, Lin Jianyuan's face was covered in its spit.

The digestive system never tired of admiring this face. Looked delicious. Tasted even better.

It wanted more.

Then why not another bite? No point holding back.

The digestive system didn't hold back. It happily lowered its head and took another bite, sucking on the other's Adam's apple as if it were jelly.

Mmm, tasty. So good.

So much anger, repression, mania, and violence.

Best of all, it was endless.

The digestive system felt it had really found the perfect long-term meal ticket. Plenty to go around. Satisfying. And entertaining, too.

It didn't know how much time had passed before it reluctantly climbed off of Lin Jianyuan.

It remembered what Lin Jianyuan had said to it while doing the dishes and couldn't help but smirk again.

"Thanks for the hospitality." The length of intestine gently patted Lin Jianyuan's face, wiping away the glistening spit clinging to his eyelashes.

"......" The squishy snail toy hid in the backpack, trembling.

Help! This is so messed up!

If you're going to eat a person, just eat them! Why all the nibbling and lingering?

So vulgar! Ugh!

Next morning.

The alarm went off, and Lin Jianyuan grudgingly woke up.

Groggily grabbing his phone, he saw it was still early—he could sleep for another five minutes.

So Lin Jianyuan closed his eyes and felt around for his backpack. With a squish, he pulled out the squishy thief from the bottom of the bag.

"Get to work—yawn—" Lin Jianyuan yawned and tossed the squishy toy onto the bed.

"Okay, okay..." The squishy thief dutifully dragging its heavy snail shell, began releasing the stored time from yesterday's computer lag and subway commutes.

Five minutes instantly multiplied into countless five minutes. Lin Jianyuan slept to his heart's content.

"Not bad, you're pretty useful," Lin Jianyuan said, satisfied, patting its shell after a good sleep.

"So, last night, you..." The squishy thief hesitated.

Lin Jianyuan: "What?"

The squishy thief held its breath, tilting its antennae to listen for any movement outside.

There was no movement outside.

It was so quiet it was as if Evil Domain had died.

"Why so hesitant?" Lin Jianyuan grew impatient. "Speak."

"You, you last night..." The squishy thief took a deep breath and said with the resolve of a martyr, "You snored!!!"

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

Bullshit.

He actually tried to have a serious conversation with a squishy toy. Enough already.

Lin Jianyuan expressionlessly stuffed the squishy toy back into the backpack.

With a squish, the squishy toy made a sound like a squeeze chicken being crushed.

"Wah, it's so cramped... Stop stuffing, stop stuffing! Don't shove the computer in—waah! Don't shove the power cord in too, aaaaaah!!!"

The zipper was pulled shut with a sharp sound. Lin Jianyuan paid no attention to the squishy thief’s whining, heading out to work without a second thought.

The living room was empty, peaceful and serene. His roommate’s door was tightly shut—looks like he didn’t have an 8 a.m. class today.

"Must be nice still being a student," Lin Jianyuan sighed. "Not like me, an office drone who spends four hours a day just commuting."

He felt sorry for himself for a second, then squished the squishy thief *splat* on the subway.

Squishy Thief: "………………"

Office.

The elevators during the morning rush were a pain to wait for.

Lin Jianyuan reached the office with thirty seconds to spare before he’d be late, feeling like today was his lucky day.

*Ding.* Clock-in successful.

Lin Jianyuan confidently put his phone away, but a faint, whimpering sound suddenly emerged from the wall.

"Whimper, whimper, whimper..."

Lin Jianyuan had slept well last night and was feeling refreshed, greeting everyone as he walked toward his workstation.

"Whimper! Whimper! Whimper!" The crying seemed to follow him closely, all the way to his desk.

"Bro Yuan, good morning!" Pei Shuo smiled brightly and handsomely. "Had breakfast yet? I’ve got *shumai* and a big meat bun here!"

Lin Jianyuan: "I’m good, thanks."

Pei Shuo: "No need to be shy, man! I bought too much, can’t finish it all by myself! Here, try it! This meat bun is totally delicious! The line was crazy long when I bought it—almost made me late!"

Lin Jianyuan: "Sure, hand it over."

"Whimper! Whimper! Whimper!" The crying, furious at being ignored, seemed almost ready to burst out of the wall in pure frustration.

Pei Shuo leaned in, pulling the warm, steaming meat bun out of the bag to hand to him.

Lin Jianyuan spotted the two vines that had reappeared in his eyes and casually plucked them out. With a *crunch*, he tossed them into the paper shredder.

"Whimper—eek—" The crying instantly choked on itself, in disbelief.

After a brief buildup, the wall slightly dented, as though something had taken a deep breath.

Then, it erupted into wailing, heartbreaking sobs!

"Waaah—waaah wah wah wah wah—"

"Well, well," the squishy thief shook its antennae smugly. "Another one with a death wish."