Chapter 15 Offal Sticking Together

Chapter 15: Snuggling with Offal

The temple was bustling with incense smoke. A young man, hands clasped together, approached a monk and devoutly asked, "Master, lately my neck has been feeling heavy, and I can hardly lift my shoulders. Do you think there might be a supernatural presence sitting on them?"

The monk pulled out an anatomical diagram of the upper body.

"No. You have Upper Cross Syndrome from long hours of typing with hunched shoulders. Just do some chest expansion exercises when you get back."

The young man continued, "Master, I also feel a strange chill down my spine, as if a cold wind is constantly blowing. Could there be an evil spirit secretly leaning against my back?"

The monk pulled out an anatomical diagram of the mid-body.

"No. You have lower back strain from long hours of poor sitting posture and lack of exercise. Just strengthen your core and back muscles when you get back."

The young man said, "Master, actually, I also—"

The monk had had enough and pulled out a monitor showing the young man curled up like a shrimp in front of his computer at work.

The monk said with deep concern, "Look at yourself—you’re practically a human shrimp! No wonder your back and waist ache."

The young man broke down, "Master, it’s not that I don’t want to take care of myself! But work is so busy. The moment I start, my butt feels nailed to the chair. How can I possibly pay attention to my posture?"

At this, the monk pulled out an ergonomic chair and began extolling the product's performance benefits in a sutra-chanting style...

Lin Jianyuan finished the KV at lightning speed. Pei Shuo watched in awe, "Bro, how did you come up with this? You actually connected ergonomic chairs with temple incense offerings!"

Lin Jianyuan: "It’s still a bit of a stretch, but whatever. Let’s send it to the client and see if we can get away with it."

Pei Shuo had a sudden inspiration: "What if we add a twist? Like, when the young man returns to the office, he feels an eerie chill—like a horror movie atmosphere. But it’s not a ghost; it’s the resentment of overworked corporate drones. And our ergonomic chair has been blessed at the temple, so if he buys it, he can ignore the resentment of his seniors and work in peace!"

Lin Jianyuan looked at him in surprise: "Even with ghosts around, you still want to work? Do you have a death wish or something?"

Pei Shuo: "Hahahaha."

The Golden Retriever’s puppy-dog eyes sparkled, and paired with his irresistibly handsome youthful face, it was like watching an office idol drama.

And Lin Jianyuan was the dark-circled senior responsible for embodying the overworked employee vibe.

That said, Lin Jianyuan’s dark circles had actually lightened quite a bit lately...

Since the Eye Vine was transplanted into his goji-chrysanthemum-Cassia seed tea mug, his vision had improved significantly. No matter how long he stared at the computer, he never felt eye strain.

He even suspected it wasn’t the Eye Vine steeping in the wellness tea—it was him.

How could it be so effective?

The wisdom of the ancestors really holds up.

The ergonomic chair client was temporarily satisfied. Lin Jianyuan wrapped up work and clocked out.

It was July. Even before leaving the office building, he could feel the scorching summer heat outside.

Lin Jianyuan loosened his tie and walked toward the subway station under the blazing sun.

Before he knew it, Pei Shuo had already been interning for a month. Lin Jianyuan thought he was doing well, learning quickly, and would definitely secure a full-time position after three months.

During rush hour, the blistering sun made the air hot and sticky.

The subway entrance was blasting cold air, and Lin Jianyuan instantly felt refreshed.

He used to hate summer the most because crowded subway commutes were unbearable.

Rush hour was usually like a sardine can; in summer, it became a sardine can filled with heated filth.

The subway car was filled with all sorts of smells—sweat, body odor, foot odor—and it was all heated up, like microwaved waste.

No matter how strong the AC was, with so many people, each breath sucked up the cool air until there was none left.

Every time he crowded the subway, Lin Jianyuan’s shirt and suit pants would be soaked and sticky, his hair and clothes clinging to him hotly, vividly transmitting the body heat of strangers around him.

Unbearable.

Thankfully, he now had the squeeze toy.

*Squish.*

What used to be a two-hour commute now passed in the blink of an eye.

"Your happiness is built on my suffering..." the squeeze toy said tearfully, gulping and spitting time.

Lin Jianyuan ignored the stress-relief toy’s complaints and returned home in a pretty good mood, heading straight for a shower.

Before showering, he turned on the air conditioner in his room. But when he came out after bathing, the room was still hot and stuffy.

Suspicious, Lin Jianyuan picked up the AC remote, looked it over, then stood on a chair to feel the air vent.

There was no air coming out.

He called his landlord, who said, "It’s so late, where am I supposed to find someone to fix it? We’ll talk tomorrow."

Lin Jianyuan: "Then I’ll find someone myself. I’ll send you the bill, and you can transfer the cost to me."

The landlord replied, "If you find someone yourself, of course you pay for it."

Suspecting the landlord was worried about a fake bill, Lin Jianyuan said, "Then I’ll have the repairman quote you directly, and you can negotiate the price with him."

The landlord was displeased: "Why do I have to negotiate? It’s so late, and you’re still bothering me. Look at the time! Young people these days have no manners. So the AC isn’t working—use a fan! Tough it out for one night. You’re young, why so delicate? Can’t handle a little hardship? We’ll talk tomorrow!"

Then he hung up.

Lin Jianyuan stood there holding his phone, anger surging to his head. He wished he could drag the landlord over and shove a pile of microwaved waste into his mouth.

The clean clothes he’d just changed into after showering were soaked again. He couldn’t take it and went to knock on his roommate’s door, hoping to ask if he could stay in his room for the night.

But after knocking for a while, the door remained shut.

His roommate wasn’t home. Probably had night classes.

Lin Jianyuan stood outside his roommate’s door, dizzy from the heat, tempted to just go in and enjoy the AC without permission.

His hand was already on the doorknob, but after a moment’s thought, he gave up.

Forget it, better not enter someone’s room without permission. They weren’t that close anyway.

If something went missing later, it’d be hard to explain.

Lin Jianyuan had to take another cold shower. He opened the fridge to grab a soda and suddenly saw a large bunch of Summer Black grapes.

The grapes were dark, glossy, plump, and round, emitting a rich, fruity fragrance.

The grapes were given to him by Qin Shi.

At noon, he helped Qin Shi complete a long-cycle analysis, and before leaving work, Qin Shi made a special trip to the fruit store, picking out two large bunches of grapes.

One bunch for him and one for Pei Shuo, as a thank-you.

The grapes she picked by hand were of better quality than those delivered through takeout. Each grape was firm and plump, and the entire bunch weighed heavily and was very fresh when held.

Lin Jianyuan put the grapes in the refrigerator as soon as he got home, and by now they were chilled.

He took some out, peeled a few, and the icy flesh, at the first bite, juice burst forth. The rich grape aroma exploded in his mouth, instantly cooling his throat and stomach.

Lin Jianyuan couldn't help himself and crouched in front of the refrigerator, eating one grape after another.

His mood improved a bit.

Pei Shuo once said that if he were to leave, he would really miss these brothers and sisters. In truth, Lin Jianyuan felt the same.

Although their boss was an idiot, the colleagues were united against their common annoyance, and it was quite enjoyable to join in insulting the boss together.

If he switched companies, he might not find such a great office atmosphere.

It would be even worse if he ended up in an office full of idiots.

Somehow, he was reminded of Pei Shuo's line, "Our ergonomic chair has been blessed," and Lin Jianyuan smiled, thinking that Pei Shuo was quite the character.

Eating grapes with the refrigerator door open was certainly cool, but since the electricity bill was split evenly with his roommate, it wasn't fair.

In the end, Lin Jianyuan stood up from in front of the refrigerator.

After some thought, he wrote a note and stuck it on the door, telling his roommate to feel free to eat the grapes in the fridge. Then he brushed his teeth, washed up, and went to bed.

Late at night. The temperature had dropped slightly compared to the day.

But it was still hot.

The electric fan was on its highest setting, whirring loudly while swaying side to side.

The bedroom window was also wide open, but there wasn't a breath of wind at night, as if the slightest air movement was blocked by the screen.

In the darkness, Lin Jianyuan kicked off the blanket, sprawled out, arms and legs spread, his brow slightly furrowed as he slept restlessly.

The pinkish shadow arrived as expected.

The stress toy thief hid behind the pillow, playing blind, as usual.

*Nom.* The digestive system bit hungrily into the lollipop. The corners of its mouth instantly turned up in delight.

"Having worked really does make it taste better..." the digestive system mumbled, slurring its words, its appendix curling happily.

The squeeze toy: "..."

Not daring to speak up, it could only swear inwardly at this idiot.

Lin Jianyuan hadn't put on pajamas today, just a loose tank top and a pair of shorts.

His long limbs were splayed out on the bed.

His head vanished entirely into the digestive system's mouth, and the rest of his body struggled uncomfortably before he turned over.

His head turned completely around inside the digestive system's mouth.

"Mmm." The digestive system quickly retracted its teeth to avoid its jagged teeth cutting the other's throat.

Lin Jianyuan's tank top had crept up a bit, revealing a sliver of his waistline.

*Gulp. Gulp.*

The digestive system swallowed slowly and contentedly, gulping down what was, to it, the most supreme delicacy.

The esophagus contracted slowly, like a snake swallowing a mouse, while the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas rose and fell as though breathing.

The digestive system held Lin Jianyuan's head in its mouth, sucking and chewing gently.

Only after eating its fill of the delicious negativity did it reluctantly spit out the head, letting out a multicolored burp.

Soaked.

Lin Jianyuan's forehead, eyelids, eyelashes, nose bridge... all were slick and shiny with spit, glistening with its saliva. His hair clung damply to his forehead.

Lin Jianyuan had been sucked clean, yet his eyes remained tightly shut, stuck in a dream from which he couldn't wake.

The digestive system "looked" at this wet face and couldn't help feeling hungry again.

Even though there was nothing left to suck out, it chomped down again, taking Lin Jianyuan's head into its mouth again.

Its tongue slowly licking at the nape of his neck, while the duodenum happily tied a little bow.

Sucking and slurping as if eating a lollipop that would never melt.

The squeeze toy: "..."

Would you stop sucking already?!

You'll suck his brains out at this rate!

"Mmm..." Lin Jianyuan stirred slightly in his sleep.

The digestive system skillfully retracted its teeth.

Lin Jianyuan turned over again, his long legs stretching out, his slender, straight calves pressing down on the thin blanket.

In his dream, he seemed to sense something, letting out an uncomfortable murmur in his throat.

Then he kicked the blanket away with his legs.

After it had its fill of sucking, the digestive system came to its senses and realized Lin Jianyuan was hugging it with his arms and legs.

The human body was lightly sweaty, breathing hot and deep.

Lin Jianyuan wrapped his arms around its stomach, liver, gallbladder, and pancreas, while his thighs pressed down on its duodenum, jejunum, ileum, and cecum.

He even tugged its colorectal section closer with his heel.

Letting out a contented sigh.

The digestive system: "?"

The digestive system "looked" at the air conditioner on the wall.

No wonder I slept so restlessly last night.

The next morning, at dawn.

Lin Jianyuan woke up completely refreshed.

"Last night was actually quite cool," Lin Jianyuan yawned contentedly.

Squeeze Toy: "..."

The Evil Domain just left a minute ago, of course it’s cool now!

This human slept clutching a heap of offal all night, aahhh!

It’s over, it’s over—no wonder The Evil Domain has his eye on him!

How is this human even more deranged than us heretics?!