Chapter 54 You Love Me So Much

Chapter 54: You’re Madly in Love with Me, Huh?

Lin Jianyuan sat at home, utterly speechless as he stared at his roommate across the dining table.

The Pink Offal was perfectly at ease.

She even pulled out a phone from her gallbladder, her little appendix swaying like a cat’s tail.

*Ding.*

The base station received the command.

The sweeping robot set off.

Lin Jianyuan: “…”

Outside the window, everything was bathed in a dark red glow.

A flesh-red shadow rolled like towering waves. Something kept crashing against it from the outside, seemingly trying to breach this wall of flesh.

But it was like a dumb pigeon hitting a transparent windowpane.

Aside from flopping down with a splat, it would also snap its wings.

Lin Jianyuan: “.”

*Buzz, buzz, buzz.*

The sweeping robot zipped under the dining table.

*Buzz.*

The sweeping robot bumped into Lin Jianyuan’s foot.

Even though it was his foot that was hit, Lin Jianyuan felt as if his brain had been jolted too.

He suddenly remembered the scene from the mall earlier.

…So brutal.

It was Lin Jianyuan’s first time realizing that the Pink Offal could be so brutal in a fight.

That scene was simply!

A crow sitting on an airplane!

A tornado destroying a parking lot!

Overwhelming and unstoppable!

Invincible!

Everyone present was trash!

…Is this what they mean by the pinker the intestines, the fiercer the fight?

The entire battle lasted about five seconds.

This made Lin Jianyuan, who had seriously shouted “Honey, you run first, I’ll hold them off,” look like a complete fool.

Lin Jianyuan recalled himself standing dumbfounded in front of the emergency exit.

He started feeling so embarrassed that his face ached.

No wonder the Pink Offal got along so well with him.

The Pink Offal was thinking the same thing at that moment.

The Pink Offal said, “You ran really fast just now.”

Lin Jianyuan: “…”

The Pink Offal: “You pulled me six meters in one second.”

Lin Jianyuan: “…Shut up!”

The Pink Offal: “I really love you to death now.”

Lin Jianyuan: “………………”

Lin Jianyuan was at a loss, feeling conflicted.

But when he looked up, he saw the Pink Offal still grinning.

Lin Jianyuan couldn’t take it anymore and shouted angrily, “Smile! You’re still smiling! Your entire face is just a mouth, and you’re still smiling!!!”

The Pink Offal: “I like you so much.”

Lin Jianyuan froze.

The Pink Offal lifted a section of her intestines, propping her cheek. She “looked” at him smilingly from across the table.

The Pink Offal: “I really, really like you.”

Lin Jianyuan, flushed and speechless, said, “Stop talking.”

The Pink Offal curled her lips: “I like you more and more.”

Lin Jianyuan, flustered and angry, yelled, “Stop talking!!!”

The Pink Offal couldn’t stop laughing.

Lin Jianyuan was truly angry now. He slapped the table and stood up, fuming, “Enough! How can you really be an offal?! How can I be in a relationship with an offal?!”

The Pink Offal: “You already are!”

Lin Jianyuan shouted, “I thought I was sick!”

The Pink Offal curled her lips: “I don’t care.”

Lin Jianyuan, exasperated, said, “How can you not care?!”

The Pink Offal said matter-of-factly: “You were the one who asked me to be your wife. I even double-checked when you asked. You wanted this yourself.”

Lin Jianyuan said in disbelief, “I thought you were human!”

The Pink Offal: “Well, I don’t care.”

Lin Jianyuan, collapsing: “How can you not care…”

Pink Offal: "You're the one who asked me to be your wife, you know?"

Great. We're back to square one.

How is this pink offal just as twisty-turny as his own guts!!!

Lin Jianyuan was furious with nowhere to vent, feeling utterly powerless.

He could only sit back down gloomily.

*Buzz, buzz, buzz.*

The sweeping and mopping robot finished cleaning and emerged from under the dining table.

The floor tiles under the table were now gleaming.

Outside the window, the meaty red waves were still churning.

The Management Bureau's task force was still relentlessly bombarding.

But it did no good.

Not a single bullet could get through.

All were blocked by the fleshy waves, making a sputtering, diarrhea-like sound.

Ridiculous.

Lin Jianyuan slouched defeatedly in his chair, looking completely dejected.

The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous it all seemed.

Lin Jianyuan looked at the pink offal in front of him and remembered that this offal was his wife.

He felt even more despair.

The offal itself, however, said nothing and showed no sense of responsibility.

It just kept staring at him, chuckling.

Her appendix swayed like a little tail.

Lin Jianyuan had reached his breaking point. He jumped up, ran from one side of the dining table to the other, grabbed the pink offal’s esophagus, and shook it wildly.

"Stop laughing! Tell me what we should do now! What should we do!!!"

The pink offal was shaken wildly by him.

It let out a pink bubble-burp.

Pink Offal: "Heh heh heh."

Lin Jianyuan: "."

Pink Offal couldn’t stop laughing: "Hahahahaha!"

Lin Jianyuan was now completely at a loss for words.

The pink offal laughed so hard its guts were quivering.

A large, warm, squishy bundle of guts moved closer and hugged him.

His roommate’s voice bubbled with laughter, smug and triumphant: "I’m totally gone on you. You’re totally gone on me too, aren’t you?"

Lin Jianyuan rolled his eyes.

He answered half-heartedly, "Mhm, mhm, mhm."

Being hugged by a big tangle of guts felt so weird.

Even though it wasn’t the first time.

But once he knew it was actual intestines, it felt really unsettling.

But what else could he do?

Lin Jianyuan turned his head and looked at his roommate, who was right there in front of him.

The warm, soft throat pressed affectionately against his cheek, like a tame pet reptile.

Nuzzle, nuzzle.

He loved to be clingy, he really loved to be clingy.

How can a pile of guts be so fond of being clingy?

How can there be a pile of guts this fond of being clingy?

Ah. This is too much.

Forget it.

It just has to be.

Lin Jianyuan let out a heavy sigh, and reached out helplessly.

He hugged the warm, pink offal.

His roommate’s grin widened even further.

She leaned in and planted a kiss on his eyelid.

Then on the tip of his nose.

Then on his lips.

And kissed him once more.

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

Gah! I can’t handle this!!!!

How can there be! Such a! Cute! Lovable! Pile of guts!

I don’t give a damn anymore!

Even if it’s just offal, I don’t care!

We've locked lips, so it's my wife!

Mine!!

My wife!!!

Fuck everything else!!!

The two of them—one man, one intestine—hugged and kissed for a while.

Now it was truly "one man, one intestine."

Lin Jianyuan resignedly accepted this reality.

"So I'm not actually mentally ill? These things are all so-called heretics, just like you?"

Lin Jianyuan arranged the little toys on the dining table.

"Yeah," the roommate leaned against Lin Jianyuan, her little appendix swaying back and forth, "They're all just A-grade trash."

Ever since they teleported home from the mall, the roommate's little tail hadn't stopped wagging.

—Damn! If he'd known his wife could teleport, why had he been crowding onto the subway every day?!

Such a rip-off!

Time Thief, Stumbling Block, Shadow Devour, and Maw of the Abyss shook fearfully.

Only an S-grade could call A-grades "little trash."

But that was an S-grade—what could they do but put up with it?

Lin Jianyuan: "No wonder they shake when they see you. So it's out of fear."

"Really?" the roommate said, surprised. "I’m not that scary."

Time Thief, Stumbling Block, Shadow Devour, and Maw of the Abyss: "..."

They trembled on, resentful, furious, and totally pathetic!

"So what do we do now?" Lin Jianyuan said. "Let's figure this out."

"Okay," the roommate said, wrapping his twisty intestines around Lin Jianyuan's waist.

Like a mischievous little snake.

And they even squirmed inside!

Lin Jianyuan calmly gripped the warm, soft part of intestine with two fingers and tugged it out from his waistband like a belt.

"Right now, the Bureau has gathered an army of 100,000 outside, attacking our old, rundown dump," Lin Jianyuan said.

The roommate: "Not 100,000."

Lin Jianyuan: "I was exaggerating."

"At most 1,500," the roommate tilted her "head," as if picking up on something, "with another 500 on the way. Five kilometers out. Traffic’s bad."

"Great, it's an even number. We’re saved for sure," Lin Jianyuan said expressionlessly.

"We're saved!" The roommate burst out laughing and kissed him.

Then she said, "They won’t break in."

Lin Jianyuan sighed: "But we can't get out either."

The roommate: "Then we’ll stay put."

Lin Jianyuan: "We’ll get hungry."

The roommate: "I can slip out a piece of intestine to buy groceries."

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

Lin Jianyuan imagined a strand of intestine bargaining with sellers at the market.

He lost it. He finally cracked up.

He laughed for a second, then got hold of himself.

Lin Jianyuan said coldly: "That won't work. I can't stay here forever, I'll go stir-crazy... Wait, remember when we played basketball?"

The roommate caught on immediately: "Ah, the time it was raining?"

Lin Jianyuan: "...Alright, don’t elaborate."

Lin Jianyuan's face fell.

He knew it!

That time they played basketball, even though it was raining cats and dogs outside, he hadn't gotten a single drop of rain on him!

He had walked home through a squishy, pink tunnel!

What that passage was was obvious!

Aaaahhh!

Help me!!

"What's wrong?" The roommate was in stitches again, her liver and gallbladder resting against Lin Jianyuan's arm, quivering. "You disgusted by me?"

"...I just think I would rather be crazy," Lin Jianyuan said despairingly.

"Hahahaha!" The roommate's intestines began to wriggle like crazy again.

The trembling spread, making Lin Jianyuan's shoulders shake too.

Lin Jianyuan held it in for a while but couldn't resist any longer.

He started laughing heartily along with the roommate, the two of them doubling over with laughter.

"Alright, no more laughing! Be serious! We're still surrounded!"

Lin Jianyuan quickly composed himself.

After all, as a mature working stiff, he still understood priorities a bit better than his wife.

"Oh. So what do we do?" The roommate's tone became slightly more serious.

Her appendix tail kept swaying back and forth.

Like a bothersome cat tail.

So annoying - I can't stop looking.

Lin Jianyuan grabbed hold of the tail and commanded, "Stop twitching."

His roommate didn’t answer, just kept laughing.

The little tail kept squirming in his palm.

...Eventually, there was no way to have a proper discussion.

They couldn't stay serious to save their lives. Tactics, strategies—none of it could be discussed properly.

Probably mostly because the Wife is just too powerful.

After all, he’s S-rank.

Seems like he’s already top-tier, so the Bureau outside just can’t break in...

The bullets hitting the Wife’s barrier are like starter Pea Shooters at the start of a game.

Anyway, it looks like it’ll take a hundred thousand years to break through the Wife’s defense.

But they can’t get out either.

The two of them hugged, kissed, cuddled, and got all lovey-dovey.

After all that clinging for a long time, they finally came to a decision:

Since things have gotten to this point, we might as well eat first.

See what's left in the fridge.