Chapter 80: Coming to Terms with Oneself

Chapter 80: Coming to Terms with Oneself

But when they reached the entrance of the restaurant, Su Ping hesitated. It looked quite grand and probably expensive. He glanced at his thin and petite sister, gritted his teeth, and strode in. He had about seventy yuan on him; he could always eat less if needed. He just didn’t know if they sold cornbread here. He could order a plate of cornbread.

Su An led her brother to a seat and said to the waiter who approached, "Hey, we’ll take two bowls of lamb tripe soup, a plate of roasted buns, and twenty meat skewers."

As soon as she finished speaking, an old man at the opposite table looked up. "Xiao Su?"

Su An turned her head and immediately beamed. "Old Luo? What a coincidence! You’re here too?"

"Yeah, what a coincidence!" Old Luo said without hesitation, picking up his bowl of soup and pancake and moving to Su An’s table.

Su An quickly looked up at the waiter and said, "Throw in ten more skewers, please."

"By the way, Old Luo, do you want some lamb tripe soup?"

Old Luo shook his head. "No, no, I’ve had enough. I can still manage a couple of skewers, though."

"Alright, that’s it then," Su An said, waving to the waiter.

"And this is?" Old Luo asked, eyeing Su Ping.

Su An quickly introduced, "This is my brother, my real brother, Su Ping."

"Brother, this is Old Luo. You can just call him Old Luo like I do."

Su Ping glanced at his sister and mumbled, "Old Luo."

Old Luo, being naturally sociable, reached out and squeezed Su Ping’s bicep, then patted his shoulder, exclaiming, "Good bones, strong build. Shame you’re a bit older, or you’d be perfect for martial arts."

Su An laughed. "Nah, my brother’s not into martial arts. He’s too simple-minded for that."

"By the way, Old Luo, haven’t you been to the sports center lately? I’ve been there a few times recently and haven’t seen you."

Old Luo pushed the stack of pancakes in front of him toward the center of the table, signaling Su An to eat while they talked.

Su An didn’t hesitate and took a bite of a pancake. Seeing her brother hadn’t moved, she handed him one too.

Su Ping cautiously glanced at Old Luo before taking the pancake from his sister and nibbling on it.

"I’ve been tied up with some stuff lately, so I haven’t been around for a few days. Now that I’m done, I’m back to wandering around!"

"What are you doing eating out by yourself?"

"Well, I’d be eating alone at home anyway."

Su An was puzzled. "You live alone?"

"Yes, my kids are all busy and rarely come back. Their mom passed away years ago." At this point, Old Luo’s mood seemed a bit down.

"By the way, how about you? Last time you mentioned your in-laws..."

Su An glanced at her brother and quickly nodded. "It’s fine, it’s fine. I didn’t suffer any losses."

"That’s good. Only a fool would just stand there. You gotta look out for yourself first. As for the rest... hmph... it’s none of my business..."

Looking at the old man with his unruly and open-minded personality, Su An couldn't help but ask the question she had been pondering.

"Mr. Luo, why is it that some people in this world, when facing conflicts with others, only feel extreme fear, like a coward, completely unaware of how to resist..."

After Su An finished speaking, Mr. Luo, while tearing pieces of flatbread into his soup bowl, casually replied.

"What's so unusual about that? There are many reasons, like the environment they grew up in during their childhood, or a particular event during their growth that left a deep impression on them, all can lead to such a situation."

"There's someone like that around me too. When he was a child, his father drank, and when drunk, his father liked to hit people. He was too young at first, but as he grew older, he started to resist. However, he couldn't match the strength of his strong and vigorous father. He personally experienced the conflict, was beaten and insulted, and this experience repeated many times in the days to come, subconsciously developing a fear of conflict."

"So his personality became timid, and he would subconsciously avoid conflicts."

Mr. Luo took another piece of flatbread and continued, "After all, humans are intelligent creatures. After being beaten and scolded many times, going through such experiences repeatedly, when encountering similar situations again, they subconsciously try to avoid the pain from recurring, so they choose to escape."

"Human imagination is very rich, easily linking different but similar things together, affecting our normal lives and our self-control. Most importantly, the shadows of the past in his heart will continue to affect his normal habits and thoughts long after the events have passed!"

"For such people, it's very hard to change, unless they repeatedly practice the conflicts they fear, to make themselves not afraid. But this is too difficult for people with psychological scars, because these are things that cause them great pain and fear."

"If a person has such experiences, his original environment must have been very poor. Escaping this environment and confronting conflicts head-on requires immense courage and resolve, which many people cannot achieve in their lifetime..."

"Xiao Su, let me tell you something, our psychological defects, timidity, fragility, and helplessness, many are survival instincts formed under harsh and brutal environments and the control of elders, psychological barriers built by the instinct to survive."

"After being beaten and scolded so much, of course, one would avoid people. It's human nature, you can't just welcome someone who wants to beat and scold you, right? That would be foolish."

"Of course, such people are also at a disadvantage in terms of competitiveness and survival ability in all aspects. Hence, there's a saying, a troubled childhood leads to a troubled youth, then causes an unfortunate middle age, and may even create a vicious cycle, affecting the next generation."

Su An's eyes showed confusion, "Such people are really incompetent, useless, and very annoying, right?"

Mr. Luo shook his head, "You can't say that. The him who was forced to compromise and be weak, the him who seems incompetent and useless in others' eyes, at least protected his past self, allowing himself to survive. Because in that environment at that time, it was the best choice he could make."

"He had no choice. I think only by experiencing life and death could one possibly break through this boundary."

Listening to Mr. Luo's words, the heavy stone in Su An's heart cracked into several pieces, and she felt much lighter.

Even after coming back, she never let herself suffer a loss again.

But she had been regretting, blaming herself, even resenting her past self. Every time she thought of certain things, she hated that incompetent self.

Why was she so useless, so incompetent, how did she let her life become like that?

Why every time, facing conflicts, even small ones, she couldn't control her trembling and fear?

Even a stranger, just raising their voice a bit to shout at her, could make her fear to the point of tears.

Those bad memories made her keep denying herself, struggling in self-loathing.

Now thinking about it, before entering the Zhao family in her past life, for a long time, even when alone, even when sleeping, she would fear suddenly being slapped on her face or head.

Su An clearly felt that her mental state was a bit off.

Now, she seems to have a persecution complex, always feeling that if she doesn't kill the other person, they will definitely secretly retaliate. But another part of her rationality keeps telling her, you can't kill, killing is illegal...

"Here's your food~, your lamb offal soup and skewers~"

"An An? The food is here."

Su Ping called out to his dazed sister in a muffled voice.

Su An snapped out of it, looking at her brother sitting properly in front of her, concernedly watching her.

She seemed to have figured something out, a relieved smile appearing on her face.

Su An from my past life, I forgive you.