**Chapter 139: Depressive Disorder**

**Chapter 139: Depressive Disorder**

At noon, Chu Nan finished handling some government affairs and went to the Spreading Fragrance Hall.

Fan Xueyao was painting in her room. Just as the attendants relayed the message of his arrival, she put down her brush, and Chu Nan had already entered by the time she turned around.

"Sire..." Fan Xueyao began, about to perform the customary greeting, but Chu Nan quickly reached out to support her. "I've told you before, there's no need for such formalities. I come in without prior announcement, so you don't have to bother with all this etiquette."

According to palace customs, when the emperor arrived at the rear palace, an attendant would announce his arrival, and the concubines and palace servants would go to the outer door to greet him with a formal ceremony. However, Chu Nan came to the Spreading Fragrance Hall far too frequently. He found the ceremonial process each time too troublesome, so he often arrived without announcement, dismounting as soon as he reached the hall. Fan Xueyao would only greet him at the second gate, with much simpler rituals.

Fan Xueyao stood up with a bright smile. Today, she wore a lilac silk shirt with an apricot yellow pleated skirt tied high with a water-red silk sash. The attire, combined with a simple yet elegant single-shell hair bun adorned with a few pearl hairpins, made her look fresh and youthful, like an unmarried lady.

Chu Nan took her hands and looked her up and down. "This style suits you so well. I like it very much."

Most people in the palace preferred to dress in a more dignified and luxurious manner to appear noble and elegant, fearing being seen as too common or inappropriate. While this style was beautiful, in an environment where everyone dressed similarly, it became less distinctive. Dressing simply, as Fan Xueyao did, especially at her age, brought out a more unique charm.

Chu Nan rarely saw her in such attire. Although Fan Xueyao dressed more simply in private, her clothing still followed the palace style, with simpler accessories. The reason she wore the high-waisted dress today was because her belly had grown a bit with pregnancy. Tying the waistband of regular skirts around her belly made her uncomfortable—too tight and it would be uncomfortable; too loose and it would slip. This way of dressing solved the problem.

Fan Xueyao's cheeks flushed slightly as she straightened up. Her lashes fluttered beneath her smooth forehead as she shyly said, "There are so many people here... They'll laugh at us."

Chu Nan laughed heartily and deliberately said a few more affectionate words to tease her. Just as he was laughing, he heard Chu Xu calling out for his father. Turning around, he saw Chu Xu running over, his head shaved smooth except for a small tuft of hair on top. He wore a jade-colored shirt and apricot yellow pleated pants, made from the same fabric as Fan Xueyao's skirt.

"Father, up!" Chu Xu, with his short legs, ran over with his arms open wide.

Chu Nan bent down and picked him up, holding him affectionately. As he played with his son, he casually asked, "Why did you come from the back?"

Fan Xueyao replied, "He soiled his pants earlier, so he went to wash up and change clothes. This child can be quite playful. Usually, he tells us when he needs to relieve himself, but when he's lost in play, he forgets and ends up soiling his pants."

Chu Nan found it amusing and smiled as he asked Chu Xu, "Xu'er, did you dirty your pants?"

Chu Xu nodded slowly. "Dirty."

"How did it get dirty?" Chu Nan asked, his smile deepening.

Chu Xu fiddled with Chu Nan's robe, tugging at it for a while before slowly saying, "I made it dirty." Though young, he already understood that wetting his pants was something to be embarrassed about. His eyes darted away shyly, unable to meet anyone's gaze.

As Fan Xueyao watched Chu Nan tease their son, she sighed in both amusement and exasperation, covering her forehead in a gesture of exasperation. She instructed Huapin to fetch some hot water from the tea stove and asked two bath attendants to prepare the necessary items.

Soon, the maids brought the hot water over.

"Your Majesty, please take off your robe. Let me wipe the sweat off and change into something more comfortable," Fan Xueyao said, moving to undo his robe. Despite the thin summer clothes, the heat had made Chu Nan sweat, dampening the fabric on his back.

Fan Xueyao personally prepared a basin of warm water. She soaked a new cloth, wrung it half dry, and lathered it with her favorite jasmine soap, intending to wipe Chu Nan's body.

However, Chu Nan took the cloth from her. "You should rest. I can do it myself," he said, wiping his face and neck casually. Fan Xueyao frowned and said, "Be gentler. You'll chafe your skin, and it will sting later."

Chu Nan nodded and lightened his touch, but his movements were still quite rough.

After quickly wiping his face and neck, Chu Nan found it difficult to reach his back. Fan Xueyao sat on a rose chair and beckoned him over. "Come here, let me wipe your back for you." Chu Nan walked over, and Peiling handed her a clean cloth. Fan Xueyao spread it out and gently wiped Chu Nan's bare back with the jasmine-scented side.

Chu Nan wasn't a man of formidable stature, nor was he particularly tall. However, he was diligent in archery practice, so his muscles were well-toned. In bed, he could easily lift and maneuver Fan Xueyao. His muscles were not just for show.

Since becoming pregnant, they hadn't been intimate. Feeling his smooth, firm back under her hands, her mind began to wander. She imagined pressing him down on the bed, tearing his robe, and riding him until he pleaded for mercy.

Unfortunately, the circumstances didn't allow for such thoughts. Fan Xueyao kept her composure, showing nothing of her inner desires. She cleaned Chu Nan up and quickly fetched a fresh robe for him to wear. Seeing that there was only a robe and no undergarment, Chu Nan asked, "Why is there no undergarment?"

"It's so hot. Even with an ice box in the room, it's not as cool as your own chambers. Since we're alone here, there's no need to worry about propriety. What matters most is comfort. It's fine not to wear one," Fan Xueyao said with a warm and bright smile as she tied his robe.

Chu Nan hesitated for a moment, but he truly could not resist in his heart. Since he was at Yao Niang's place and there were no outsiders, he eventually nodded in agreement.

After dressing, Xiaojin and Xiaohong brought a gilded basin filled with scented bathwater for Chu Nan's foot bath.

The warm water made his body heat up and start to sweat. Just as Chu Nan was about to say it was too hot and stop the foot bath, he heard Fan Xueyao say, "You must be feeling hot from the foot bath, my lord? Huaping, go fetch some icy drink." Huaping then went out.

Fan Xueyao stood up and walked to the bedside, slowly squatting down. She reached into the basin to feel the bathwater and said to Xiaojin and Xiaohong, "This water is a bit too hot. Add some cooler water."

The two girls quickly scooped some cooler bathwater and poured it along the edge of the deep basin. Fan Xueyao stirred it twice with her hand and nodded, "This is just right. With the hot weather, the water shouldn't be as hot as in winter. Look, the lord's feet are all red. That's because the water was too hot."

The two girls immediately nodded, saying, "Yes, miss, we understand."

Huaping entered with a tray, on which there was a white porcelain pot, two porcelain bowls, a covered green porcelain jar, and a silver spoon. As Huaping came closer, one could see the tiny beads of condensation on the surface of the large white porcelain pot, indicating that whatever drink was inside had been thoroughly chilled.

While washing her hands, Fan Xueyao asked, "What kind of drink is it?"

Huaping replied, "It's a citron drink. The lady previously mentioned that only the juice should be used with honey, so it wouldn't taste bitter. It's well-chilled but no ice was added to the drink."

The drinks in the palace were quite elaborate, often containing ingredients like cloves, osmanthus flowers, sandalwood, or musk, making them more like cooling medicines than beverages. They were almost undrinkable without a lot of honey and sugar.

Fan Xueyao wasn't accustomed to these flavors. She preferred simpler drinks, like mung bean soup, sour plum soup, and this kind of citron honey water. The citron was quite similar to the lemons she had in her previous life, though they were larger, drier, and less visually appealing. However, the taste was quite similar.

Having only wiped his body, Chu Nan had only alleviated the surface heat. He was still feeling restless inside. Seeing the drink brought by the palace maid, he picked it up and drank. But after just one sip, his mouth puckered, and he tasted the drink, moving his tongue, "It’s too sour." He had drunk citron water before, but it had more honey and was sweeter.

Fan Xueyao giggled, "I've been craving sour things lately, so I didn't add much honey. Of course, the lord would find it sour." She then took the remaining half of the citron honey water from his hand, lifted the cover of the green porcelain jar, and said with a smile, "We need to add more honey so that it suits your taste." She added another spoon of honey to the bowl.

This honey was pure, not overly sweet. Cold drinks didn't feel as sweet as hot ones, so the extra spoonful made it just right for him.

After adding the honey, Chu Nan found the drink to be perfectly balanced between sweet and sour, very refreshing and thirst-quenching, so he drank two bowls in succession.

Fan Xueyao, concerned about the cold affecting their stomachs, waited until the chill had slightly dissipated before drinking a bowl herself. As for Chu Xu, she waited until the coldness had dissipated before letting him drink.

Chu Xu loved the citron honey water and drank half a bowl, sip by sip. Fan Xueyao, worried that the honey might cause diarrhea, didn't let him finish the bowl and took the bowl from him before he could drink more.

"I want more," Chu Xu said, clutching the porcelain bowl, not letting Fan Xueyao hand it back to Huaping.

Instead of immediately taking the bowl, Fan Xueyao let him hold it but prevented him from drinking directly from it, coaxing him, "This drink is delicious, but if you drink too much, you'll get a stomachache and diarrhea. Do you want a stomachache?"

Chu Xu's little head shook like a rattle, "No pain, no pain."

Fan Xueyao continued, looking into his eyes, "If you drink more, you might get a stomachache. Do you still want to drink?"

Chu Xu hesitated. He wanted to drink more but didn't want a stomachache. Everyone watched as his eyes stayed on the bowl, his fair little face clearly showing his longing. After a moment of hesitation, he tentatively held up one finger, "Just one more sip."

Fan Xueyao pretended to be troubled, "You've already had half a bowl. I'm not sure if another sip will give you a stomachache. It might, or it might not. Do you still want to drink?"

After thinking for a moment, Chu Xu nodded, "I want to drink."

Given how much Fan Xueyao doted on Chu Xu, the palace maids thought she would refuse to let him risk getting sick.

However, Chu Nan had been watching Fan Xueyao and, for no particular reason, felt that she would agree to Chu Xu’s request.

"Alright, you can have another sip. But if your stomach hurts, you'll have to drink bitter-tasting medicine. And when that happens, you mustn't cry or refuse to drink it, alright?" Fan Xueyao looked at Chu Xu seriously, speaking very earnestly.

Chu Xu listened attentively, then nodded his head.

Fan Xueyao withdrew her hand, "Since you agree, you can have another sip."

Chu Xu looked at Fan Xueyao, observing her expression. Seeing that she wasn't upset, he lifted the bowl to his lips and sipped slowly, all the while watching Fan Xueyao, ready to stop if she showed any sign of displeasure.

He drank very slowly, as if this were his only sip, too precious to be drunk quickly. The people in the room smiled fondly as they watched him, filled with affection. Some even thought to themselves, "Is this how adorable children can be?"

After drinking about a sip, before Fan Xueyao could say anything, Chu Xu voluntarily put down the porcelain bowl, held it with both hands, and handed it to Huaiping, saying, "That's enough." Huaiping smiled and took the bowl.

Fan Xueyao took a damp cloth and gently wiped Chu Xu's face, cleaning off the honey water that had clung to his cheeks.

Chu Nan watched from the side without saying a word. It wasn't until after dinner, when he took Fan Xueyao to the garden to take a walk and aid digestion, that he finally spoke. "You've taught Xu'er well. When Fu'er was his age, she could hardly speak two coherent sentences."

Fu'er was the pet name of the First Princess. His second daughter was called Huan'er.

Fan Xueyao smiled and replied, "Young women and young men are different. The former tend to be more delicate and quiet. Consort Yang only has one daughter, so it's natural that she's especially protective, afraid that the child might fall ill or get hurt. The palace servants only know how to attend to her but do not dare to overstep their bounds. In fact, children learn to speak more quickly when spoken to frequently."

"Consort Yang does indeed hold Fu'er in high regard," Chu Nan said mildly, with a hint of unspoken meaning.

Originally, Chu Nan had been quite fond of Fu'er, his firstborn. He often visited her after she was born. However, Consort Yang, perhaps unaccustomed to motherhood, had been emotionally unstable during that time—tense, irritable, and prone to outbursts over trivial matters.

Once, a palace maid had been ironing Fu'er's diapers but hadn't made them completely dry. Consort Yang flew into a rage and slapped the maid several times. Palace rules forbade slapping the face when punishing maids, and Consort Yang had done it herself, which was not only a violation of palace rules but also quite undignified.

Chu Nan had found it unbearable to watch her punish the maid over such a minor mistake and had tried to persuade her. But to his surprise, Consort Yang had turned her anger on him, resentfully accusing him of not valuing Fu'er because she was a girl and not a boy. She accused him of not caring when the maid's mistake could have endangered Fu'er. She wept and scolded, a completely different person from before, as if she had gone mad.

He had been speechless at the time. He had been the Crown Prince then, with a tense political situation that kept him busy. If he hadn't valued Fu'er, why would he have taken the time to visit her?

Moreover, it had been a minor oversight. How had it become a matter of endangering Fu'er? If punishment was necessary, deducting a few months' wages or a couple of canings would have sufficed.

But if Consort Yang valued Fu'er so much, some of her small actions made him feel she didn't actually like her daughter that much. For example, when Fu'er cried for no apparent reason, not because of a wet diaper or hunger, the wet nurse would nervously try to soothe her, but Consort Yang would look annoyed and not even look at her. This left him confused about whether she truly loved Fu'er or not.

During that period, Consort Yang had been hostile to everyone around her, seeing enemies everywhere and losing her temper at the slightest disagreement. Once, he had reached out to touch Fu'er's cheek, and Consort Yang had immediately taken a handkerchief to wipe the baby's face, as if his hands were toxic.

Such incidents occurred frequently. Although he thought Consort Yang was overly protective of Fu'er, it left him feeling unpleasant, and he lost the desire to engage with her. He began visiting her less often, leaving most of the care to Empress Xu.

Later, the birth of the Second Princess diluted the importance of the First Princess. Soon after, the previous emperor fell ill, passed away, and Chu Nan ascended the throne. One urgent matter followed another, and before he knew it, the First Princess had grown up. Even as flesh and blood, without time spent together, the bond between them couldn't be strong.

Although he later heard that Consort Yang's mindset had improved, his feelings for both mother and daughter had already faded. After ascending the throne, he had tried to bond with his eldest daughter, but she was overly formal, answering questions with single words and never volunteering more information. He didn't know if this was because of Consort Yang's upbringing or her naturally shy disposition. Young and inexperienced in raising children, he didn't know how to bridge the gap.

Fu'er treated him with respect rather than the affection a daughter should show. In time, he gave up trying.

Chu Nan didn't understand Consort Yang's mindset at the time and thought she had lost her rationality in her fervor to protect her child. He could understand it intellectually, but emotionally, he couldn't accept it.

However, Fan Xueyao, hearing his thoughts, pondered. Was it possible that Consort Yang had postpartum depression?

There had been a lot of discussion about postpartum depression due to the frequent news reports of suicides by new mothers. It was actually quite common and had a high incidence rate. There was even a possibility of recurrence with subsequent pregnancies. Usually, it resolved on its own after a few months, but in some cases, it could last for years.

The causes of postpartum depression varied. Some women didn't have enough psychological preparation before giving birth and couldn't adapt to the change in their identity. More often, the stress of caring for an infant was overwhelming, especially if the child's father was useless, leaving all the household chores, child-rearing, and even taking care of the husband to the mother. The mental and financial pressures could drive anyone to the brink, let alone a young woman who had just become a mother.

Although Consort Yang didn't have to care for the princess personally and had maids to attend to her, she still developed postpartum depression. Fan Xueyao guessed that Consort Yang had probably expected too much before the birth. If she had given birth to a boy, he would have been the first son of the Crown Prince, the eldest grandson, with a high status. In that environment, everyone had likely been watching the Crown Prince's harem closely. If she had been the birth mother of the eldest grandson, her status would have been different.

But she had given birth to a princess instead, and the gap between her expectations and reality was too great. Sensing the subtle changes in others' attitudes, she hadn't been able to adapt and had developed depression.

It was unfortunate. Consort Yang had a promising start but mishandled it, losing favor.

The issue was that this era lacked awareness of mental health. If only she had received proper support and encouragement, and her mood had been adjusted, Consort Yang wouldn't have been depressed for so long. She wouldn't have offended so many people or become a burden to Chu Nan.

Now, Consort Yang, aware of the many people she had offended, rarely socialized and kept to herself in her modest quarters.

In the first two years, some concubines, unaware of the palace dynamics, assumed that as the birth mother of the First Princess, Consort Yang must have some imperial favor, so they paid their respects. But soon, it became evident that the emperor never visited her Pleasure Hall. Even when he bestowed gifts, they were intended for the First Princess. It was clear to everyone that she was no longer in favor.

Reflecting on these troubling matters, Chu Nan's mood darkened. After strolling in the garden for a while, he pointed to a distant pavilion and suggested, "Shall we sit in the pavilion and enjoy the evening breeze?"

Fan Xueyao looked over and saw a pavilion surrounded by hazy, brocaded splendor and a dazzling array of red flowers. She nodded and said, "Yes, I was just feeling a bit of soreness in my feet, so this is just what I needed to rest."

The palace attendants, hearing this, hurriedly went ahead to the pavilion to clean and make preparations. Fan Xueyao and Chu Nan walked slowly towards it. The pavilion was situated deep within the peony garden, with bamboo trees interspersed, and hundreds of peony plants in bloom, making it a truly scenic spot. Although night was falling, there were attendants holding lamps to light the way, and lanterns distributed throughout the garden, illuminating it with a radiant glow.

Chu Nan entered the sea of flowers and walked around the peony plants. He picked a particularly delicate, lustrous pink-white peony in full bloom, twirling it between his fingers, before turning around and smiling. "Do you think it's beautiful?"

Fan Xueyao's gaze shifted from his gentle face to the lush, multi-petaled pink-white peony. She smiled and said, "It's beautiful."

Chu Nan smiled even more, walked closer to Fan Xueyao, and removed the extra leaves from the peony. "Let me pin the peony into your hair," he said, carefully adorning Fan Xueyao's hair bun with the flower. After looking her over carefully, he nodded and said, "This flower truly complements you. You look even more beautiful now. It’s late, and the flower has begun to wilt... These flowers are in full bloom this season. You can pick a few each morning to wear for fun."

"I wish I had a mirror to see how it looks," Fan Xueyao said, looking up at Chu Nan with a sweet smile. Her delicate hand gently touched the peony on her bun, being careful not to damage the tender petals.

The nearby palace maids stole glances at Fan Xueyao's soft, captivating beauty but quickly lowered their eyes, feeling a mix of awe and envy.

As her belly grew larger and summer arrived, Fan Xueyao's emotions became somewhat unstable. She often felt restless and irritable or melancholic.

Seeing her restlessness, Chu Nan offered more privileges and even considered increasing the number of palace attendants to serve her. Fan Xueyao declined, explaining that too many people would cause her unease.

Chu Nan relented, realizing that only a mother’s presence could bring comfort at this time. Thus, he issued an imperial decree, summoning Fan Xueyao's mother, Li Rong, to the palace to care for her.

Li Rong brought two elderly women from the Fan family with her to the palace. These women, who had previously served Fan Xueyao, were loyal and trustworthy. They stayed in the Spreading Fragrance Hall, dedicated to caring for and accompanying Fan Xueyao, helping to lift her spirits. Though initially feeling a bit constrained in the imperial palace, Li Rong soon relaxed, seeing how well Fan Xueyao kept the palace attendants under her control.

Realizing that these attendants were there to serve her daughter, Li Rong naturally let go of her tension. She handled all matters she could decide on without troubling Fan Xueyao, saving her a great deal of worry and effort.