Chapter 127 I’ll Overthink

Chapter 127: I'll Overthink

They got in the car and left the Federal Office.

It only takes half an hour from the Federal Office to the airport, but Chen Su didn't say a word the whole ride.

Zhao Jinzong saw Chen Su off at the airport entrance. It was still early, but unlike the last time they parted, Chen Su didn't ask to hug him. He just stood at the entrance, facing the Enigma, gripping his suitcase. The slight trembling under his lambskin gloves was barely noticeable.

Chen Su looked up from Zhao Jinzong's hands shoved in his pockets and looked at the Enigma. "Zhao Jinzong."

"Hmm?"

Zhao Jinzong's gaze was soft and warm.

Chen Su clenched his molars. "I'll overthink..."

Zhao Jinzong looked confused. "What?"

What? Zhao Jinzong should know best. The alpha pheromones on him were so strong... If this happened often at the office, many people would probably think that Lu Xun was Zhao Jinzong's partner.

And him? He was just a friend who often came to see Zhao Jinzong.

"It's nothing." Chen Su dropped his head. "I'll go now. See you next time."

Chen Su entered the airport without giving Zhao Jinzong a hug before leaving.

Nor did he receive the birthday gift that Zhao Jinzong had prepared for a long time.

Chen Su left like that and returned to the capital.

Zhao Jinzong smoked at the entrance until the plane left, then went to the underground parking. When the driver opened the door for him, he hesitated, and looked up cautiously. "General Administration..."

Zhao Jinzong was in a bad mood, his brows furrowed. "What is it?"

"You... and Lu Xun... is it really as the rumors say..." The driver spoke carefully, watching the Enigma's face, afraid to upset him.

Zhao Jinzong rarely hung around the office. "What rumors?"

"Uh..." The alpha driver rubbed the back of his neck. "You always have Lu Xun's pheromones on you. Everyone in the Federation is saying... saying..." Zhao Jinzong understood the rest.

Zhao Jinzong's expression darkened.

Hardly anyone in the top ranks of the International Federation knew that Zhao Jinzong couldn't smell pheromones.

If Zhao Jinzong always carried the same alpha's pheromones, it was way too easy for people to get the wrong idea. Especially after this return to the Federation... Zhao Jinzong had worn a monitoring watch for years, which would clear any accidental alpha pheromones on him, and no one dared to just spray pheromones on him.

But this time, shortly after Zhao Jinzong returned, Lu Xun came. They appeared together in public once or twice, and Lu Xun released pheromones. Zhao Jinzong didn't get rid of them in time, which everyone read as him being okay with it.

That same evening, Lu Xun was fired.

...

It was already eleven o'clock at night when Chen Su landed. He hadn't slept well on the plane; the journey was long. They woke him up for the airplane meal, he took his medicine, and didn't sleep again.

As soon as he switched off airplane mode, his phone buzzed with a message. It was from Uncle Wen, asking him to call when he landed—Uncle Wen was waiting at the airport.

While getting his luggage, Chen Su replied: "Arrived."

Chen Su took his suitcase and met Uncle Wen as he walked out. Uncle Wen grabbed the suitcase and guided him to the car.

Uncle Wen could tell Chen Su wasn't saying anything.

Uncle Wen asked: "What's wrong?"

Chen Su looked up. "It's nothing."

"Did you have a fight with the General Administration?"

"No." Chen Su wouldn't say, so Uncle Wen didn't push. He put Chen Su's suitcase in the car, Chen Su opened the door and got into the back seat. After the car started, Chen Su sent a message to Zhao Jinzong.

"Landed."

"Met Uncle Wen."

"Good night."

Chen Su put his phone aside, leaned back, and closed his eyes.

Inside the car, Zhao Jinzong's pheromones were barely there—super faint.

The Zhao house's pheromones were faint too, nothing like at the office, not like when he was right next to Zhao Jinzong.

Chen Su didn't fall asleep. The car arrived at the Zhao residence. Chen Su got out, and just as Uncle Wen passed him the suitcase, Chen Su grabbed it and walked off. Since Zhao Jinzong went abroad, every time Uncle Wen drove him home, Chen Su would tell Uncle Wen to drive safe on the way home.

Uncle Wen stared at Chen Su's back, wondering what was up with him today...

Once home, Chen Su took a fast shower and crashed.

The next morning, he went to work at the Drug Supervision Bureau as usual.

Everything seemed normal.

But Uncle Wen could tell Chen Su was in a bad mood.

It went on like that for days. Chen Su barely talked—sometimes not at all.

Chen Su still replied to Zhao Jinzong's texts as usual and asked how he was, no different from before. During the time Zhao Jinzong was abroad, Chen Su had looked up a lot of materials and videos. If a long-distance relationship didn't have trust and understanding, there was a 76% chance of fighting and breaking up.

Chen Su didn't want it to end like this, so he forced himself to act like he was fine.

At noon on the third day, Zhao Jinzong called Chen Su.

Zhao Jinzong asked, "You in a bad mood?"

Chen Su said, "No, I'm good."

Zhao Jinzong's voice dropped. "Chen Su."

Chen Su said, "What's up?"

Zhao Jinzong didn't answer, and then the call ended.

Chen Su stared at his phone for ages before setting it aside.

When Meng Suizhi returned, he was giving off strong bitter rosemary pheromones. He had slapped on a blocker patch and looked at Chen Su's pale face. "Sorry, blocker patches don't work great for S4s... In an hour or two, once it kicks in, it'll be way better."

"It's fine, I'm not uncomfortable."

"You..." Meng Suizhi studied Chen Su's mood. "What's wrong with you?"

"It's nothing."

Meng Suizhi ventured: "Didn't you meet with General Director Zhao at the International Federation?"

"I did."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Chen Su said nothing. After work in the evening, Chen Su suddenly asked Meng Suizhi, "Would Han Yu have another alpha's pheromones on him?"

"...No."

Meng Suizhi understood why Chen Su was so upset. Anyone who has a lover or a partner would never allow themselves to be marked by someone else's courting pheromones. It's too intimate.

Meng Suizhi felt that Zhao Jinzong wasn't that kind of person, but at this moment, he couldn't defend Zhao Jinzong at all.

Neither could Chen Su.

He couldn't find any excuse for Zhao Jinzong.

And so a week passed.

Meng Suizhi told Chen Su that Lu Xun had returned.

Lu Xun had been removed from the International Federation. Meng Suizhi told Chen Su not to overthink it.

Chen Su shook his head. "I often can't control my emotions."

Racing thoughts, extreme mood swings, difficulty interacting normally with others—these were Chen Su's condition. Even when he took his medication on time, he still easily overthought things and was terrified of being abandoned. He couldn't control himself.

Chen Su was ill.

Most BPD patients resort to extreme self-protection, such as abandoning the other person first to relieve their own fear of being left. But Chen Su was too attached to Zhao Jinzong. He couldn't bring himself to cut off contact. He just thought that as long as he didn't break up, didn't argue, and didn't ask too many questions, the relationship would last.

Even if the relationship meant nothing, Chen Su still thought this behavior was right.

The second weekend, Chen Su curled up in Zhao Jinzong's room and threw away the blanket.

The next day, he went and bought a new one.

In the third week, Chen Su called Zhao Jinzong and said he wanted to go see him. Zhao Jinzong said no. Chen Su didn't go, but he smashed a vase in the study.

In the fourth week, the project made decisive progress. He was too busy to make time.

In the fifth week, Zhao Jinzong had been away from the capital for over a month.

Chen Su said again that he wanted to go see him. Before Zhao Jinzong could answer, Chen Su was already on the plane.