Chapter 2 “How Could I Have Such a Dream”

Chapter 2 "How Could I Have Such a Dream?"

Upon returning that day, I was plagued by a strange dream, filled with shame and indignation. Waking abruptly, I rushed to the bath chamber, shedding my soiled clothes. Amidst the rising steam, I stared blankly at the sunlight filtering through the window.

"How could I have such a dream!"

Overwhelmed with vexation, I slammed my fist into the water, sending splashes everywhere and drenching the bath chamber floor. It was a bizarre dream indeed—the two figures intimately entwined were not a man and a woman, but two men. The cold, handsome man in the dominant position clearly possessed a pair of indifferent gray eyes.

Why did I have such a dream?

Was it the profound shock from that day that had somehow possessed me?

Unable to comprehend, I submerged my head, watching my exhaled bubbles slowly ascend, my thoughts in disarray.

Logically, for a young master of my age, having concubines in the household was common. That scoundrel Yuan Ye, for instance, had acquired a retinue of them years ago.

Yet, I had never harbored such inclinations.

Girls might be beautiful, but they never stirred my heart. Even when they tossed flower branches into my arms, I could return them without a ripple of emotion.

My entire focus was on amusement—today, cockfighting and dog racing; tomorrow, fishing and boating. What else could be more entertaining? How could I possibly spare any thought for others?

But Xie Yan seemed different. This difference brought with it a surging desire, like a tumultuous sea threatening to engulf me, filling me with an inexplicable sense of panic and unease.

Just as I finished bathing, Xiao Man reported that Yuan Ye had arrived with a heap of lavish gifts, seeking to apologize. I snorted coldly, "Tell him to get lost."

My mind was in chaos, and I had no desire to see that wretch. I desperately sought an answer, yet no matter how I racked my brain, I couldn't fathom the reason for my unusual behavior.

"Feng Muqiu, you are a man. You ought to be with women. What you're doing is clearly deviant, rebellious—utterly improper!" I chastised myself fiercely in my heart, then hurried to the study.

As the old saying goes, "In books, there are faces like jade; in books, there are golden houses." Throughout history, men have occasionally harbored strange affections for other men. Perhaps I could find an answer within these pages.

But that day, I spent an entire day poring over books in the study, yet not a single volume documented such a peculiar situation. I couldn't help but fall into a state of confusion and despair.

What horrified me even more was that while I was sifting through those dry texts, Xie Yan's cold face persistently lingered in my mind.

Xie Yan's eyes are gray—a rare hue. In the State of Jiang, it would be difficult to find another pair of eyes so coolly beautiful. His lips, too, were pale and thin, making him seem unapproachable at first glance, yet perfectly suited for a kiss.

I must have been completely bewitched by Xie Yan's appearance, utterly insane!

Angrily, I tossed the book aside, abandoning my search for answers. I returned to my room to change into a different robe. Xiao Man, seeing me don my outdoor attire, asked, "Is Young Master going out?"

I nodded faintly. "Yes, tell the steward to prepare all the treasured possessions from the manor and load them onto the carriage. I'm going to the Crown Prince's Residence."

By the time I departed, the sun was setting. Peeking out from the carriage, I saw the slanting rays of the setting sun painting the cobblestones red. The wheels rolled slowly, and as the Crown Prince's Residence drew nearer, my heart beat ever more rapidly.

"Young Master, we've arrived at the Crown Prince's Residence."

I quickly dismounted, gazing at the tall, somber-hued edifice—gray tiles, stark white walls. Only a single peach blossom within the high walls, unable to bear its solitude, stretched its branch out.

The guards at the entrance seemed somewhat startled and surprised to see me. I gave one a slight nod. "I am Feng Jiuyue, the Prime Minister's son. I have specially prepared lavish gifts today to visit and express my gratitude to His Highness the Crown Prince. Please announce my arrival."

The guard immediately went inside. I paced anxiously at the entrance, kicking at the stones beneath my feet. By the time the sunlight slowly receded from the west, and the faint blush from the lingering sunset on my face had faded, the steward of the Crown Prince's Residence finally emerged, hands tucked into his sleeves, strolling leisurely.

"Young Master Feng, His Highness is indisposed and cannot receive guests. It's getting late; please return home for now."

Ah, so he refused to see me. I felt a pang of disappointment, though I showed no outward sign. I merely nodded and turned to instruct my servants, "Take the lavish gifts from the carriage and deliver them to the Crown Prince."

"Young Master Feng, there's no need for gifts. His Highness has not instructed this old servant to accept them. Please take your gifts back with you." The steward kept his hands clasped behind his back, his face a mask of arrogant refusal.

Xie Yan was unwilling to see me, and I had no right to be angry. Yet, I calculated that I had stood at the gate of the Crown Prince's Residence for at least an hour, watching the sun descend, feeling the lingering warmth on the ground dissipate little by little, much like my own trembling, youthful infatuation.

The Crown Prince's Residence was situated in a bustling district, and the passersby were invariably high-ranking officials and nobles. Perhaps by tomorrow, various rumors about me would be circulating throughout the capital.

The thought inexplicably filled me with a stubborn resolve. My face hardened, and I instructed my servants, "Take the gifts and deliver them to the Crown Prince. Did you hear me?"

The servants naturally dared not disobey. The steward, sensing my temper, no longer dared to speak, even adopting a more deferential posture.

After all, he was merely following orders.

By the time the carriage full of gifts had been delivered to the Crown Prince's Residence, my stomach was rumbling with hunger. Only then did I recall that, due to that strange dream, I hadn't eaten anything all day.

When I arrived at Tianxiang Tower for a meal, I had barely sat down when a servant reported that the gifts I had sent had been returned to the Prime Minister's Residence, untouched.

"It's fine, you may leave."

I gazed out the window at the deepening twilight. It was a spring night, and the evening breeze was cool. I suddenly felt a chill and thought it was time for some wine. I instructed the servant, "Tell the shopkeeper to bring up a few jars of wine."

All my emotions arose inexplicably. In the past—no, I had never sought to curry favor with anyone like this. My world consisted solely of my father and my cats and dogs. Beyond them, I had no need to please anyone.

But what was I doing today? Was it merely for the life-saving grace? Yet, he had said, "No need to dwell on it."

Was it simply because Xie Yan was handsome? There were countless handsome people. Was I truly so shallow as to be swayed by mere appearance?

My thoughts were like a tangled ball of yarn, impossible to untangle. I transformed all my emotions into the bitter wine I swallowed. Just as my ears began to burn from the alcohol, Yuan Ye unexpectedly entered my private room.

"Get out."

I had never forgotten the animosity from the city wall. If it weren't for that scoundrel pushing me off, how would I have been saved by Xie Yan? And if I hadn't been saved by Xie Yan, I naturally wouldn't have found myself in such an awkward and helpless predicament, caring so deeply for him.

"Oh, brother truly didn't mean it. If you're angry, how about you push me off the wall instead? I promise I won't resist, won't fight back." Yuan Ye smiled at me, ingratiating and shameless.

My head felt a bit hazy, and I couldn't be bothered with him. I continued eating, completely ignoring his intense gaze as he scrutinized me repeatedly.

"I heard you were turned away at the Crown Prince's Residence today?" Yuan Ye added a set of bowls and chopsticks for himself, remarking casually, "Hey, since when did I know you were such a grateful person? If I had saved you back then, would you have clung to me like this too?"

Hah, it was merely a courtesy visit, yet in the mouths of these scoundrels, it became me relentlessly pestering Xie Yan.

My appetite vanished instantly. With a "smack," I slammed down my chopsticks and rose to leave. But Yuan Ye mysteriously tugged at my sleeve, smiling at me. "Hey, don't go. Brother will take you somewhere fun to shake off this gloom."

Fun?

I turned to look at him. His face bore a lewd, ill-intentioned smile. The "fun" place he spoke of would certainly not be the kind I usually enjoyed. I had heard he was a frequent patron of many pleasure houses, places I always avoided, unable to tolerate even a whiff of their perfumed air.

"If it's a brothel, then forget it." I lacked interest and turned to leave. I'd rather go back and play with my Little White than be made to sneeze by those girls. Oh right, Little White is my beloved dog, far more intelligent than Yuan Ye.

"No," Yuan Ye blocked my path, winking suggestively. "It's a male brothel."

I had drunk a lot by then, my head feeling like it was filled with sticky paste, and I was somewhat disoriented. I still had too many unresolved questions brought about by Xie Yan, and as if possessed, I actually nodded.

Male brothels differed from ordinary ones. Their decor was more refined, with mountain springs gently flowing and screens embroidered with mountain lotuses obscuring distant rockeries. There was no decadent music, no rouge or powder, only a serene-looking zither player in a corner.

"Disappointed, little brother?" Yuan Ye sat opposite me, his foxy eyes intently watching me while he gulped down wine.

I remained silent and didn't drink, simply listening to the sound of water flowing from the rockery.

But the door soon opened, and a group of young men filed in. Each possessed a unique charm—some with a cool, understated beauty, others strikingly alluring and captivating. They obediently knelt in a row, like objects awaiting a customer's selection.

"Xiao Yue, come here." Yuan Ye drained his cup and beckoned to a youth in the corner. The youth then swayed gracefully toward him and nestled into his embrace.

"Him!" My eyes widened in astonishment as I stared at the person in Yuan Ye's arms.

The young man was slender and tall, with skin as fair as creamy jade. He possessed a pair of beautiful peach-blossom eyes, their depths shimmering with a liquid sheen, a delicate yet well-defined nose, and lips that were full and vividly red. When he looked at you, his gaze seemed to hook into your soul, more enchanting than that of any woman.

"What's wrong, my dear brother?" Yuan Ye feigned ignorance, though he clearly knew why I was shocked. He lifted the youth's chin and kissed him intimately, his foxy eyes fixed on me, as if he were kissing not the youth, but me—who bore a seven-tenths resemblance to the boy—and he even called the boy "Xiao Yue"!

I felt an overwhelming sense of disgust and revulsion, waves of nausea rising in my throat. He had brought this youth here today solely to humiliate me, or perhaps this was simply how he usually behaved. Was this how men interacted with other men?

But my feelings for Xie Yan were far from this shallow. I longed to be close to him and to bring him joy.

As I glanced around, I suddenly realized that not a single one of those exceptionally handsome male courtesans could capture my interest. To me, they were nothing more than insignificant figures. My hidden stirrings, my wildly pounding heart—all of it belonged to Xie Yan alone.

At this moment, I had no choice but to admit that I was indeed superficial. Even without the debt of gratitude for Xie Yan saving my life, had I met him under different circumstances, I would still have fallen deeply for him.

Xie Yan was simply Xie Yan. I coveted his beautiful appearance, but what I truly desired was his smile—to see his lifeless, ash-gray eyes filled with joy.

In that instant, it suddenly dawned on me: I wasn't interested in men in general. I was only interested in Xie Yan, who happened to be a man. Had he been a woman, I would have undoubtedly been captivated by her just the same.