Chapter 30 “Are You Crying for Him”

Chapter 30: "Are You Weeping for Him?"

"Madness? What madness?"

I asked, my curiosity piqued, wondering if even someone as heartless and ungrateful as Xie Yan could be afflicted with madness. Others should count their blessings and be eternally grateful if they weren't driven to madness or death by him. A cold smile touched my lips at the thought.

Huai Xin leaned in hesitantly, whispering close to my ear. Though only the two of us were present, he kept his voice extremely low, as if speaking of such matters would violate some taboo.

"Huai Xin only heard these things from outsiders. The credibility of these words is hard to verify; after all, the capital is far from Yuanzhou, and once rumors take flight, truth and falsehood become indistinguishable. But Young Master can listen first, at least to gain a basic understanding of the Crown Prince."

"Three years ago, Chancellor Feng, as the Prime Minister, secretly formed factions, which enraged the Emperor, who ordered his execution. The Crown Prince was commanded to seal the Chancellor's residence, and his madness broke out that very day."

"People in the capital spread rumors that day, saying the Crown Prince carried Feng Jiuyue, the already lifeless, ill-fated beauty, from the bustling Chang'an Avenue to the Imperial Medical Bureau, forcing the doctors to revive the deceased Feng Jiuyue."

"The physicians checked his pulse and shook their heads, declaring it hopeless, but the Crown Prince wouldn't listen. He drew his sword and declared that if they couldn't save him, none of them would live."

"This incident caused quite an uproar. Fortunately, someone brought the Emperor, which prevented the farce from escalating further and saved many physicians' lives."

"The Emperor angrily rebuked the Crown Prince for his absurdity and ordered him to reflect, confined to his quarters, hoping he would repent. Who knew he would start delving into dark arts and never gave up searching for ways to bring the dead back to life?"

"The Emperor was very displeased, but since the Crown Prince's strategies and abilities surpassed those of the other princes, and this peculiar obsession didn't affect the court's vital interests, the Emperor let him be."

"Thus, people in the capital have always said the Crown Prince is still half-mad to this day."

"Young Master, the Crown Prince is not as simple as you imagine. The Master has his reasons for not letting you approach him. Please don't quarrel with him anymore."

"That day you jumped from the building, the Master and Mistress were so angry they fell ill, yet they still forced themselves to stay by your bedside. If the doctor hadn't said you were fine, they still wouldn't dare to rest."

"Ah, Young Master, you've always been so sensible. Why do you become so stubborn when it comes to the Crown Prince?"

"Heh." I chuckled softly, not believing a word of what Huai Xin said.

Xie Yan is an extremely skilled actor, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his goals. Back then, to extract information, he could sleep in my bed day and night, whispering sweet nothings. What do the things Huai Xin mentioned truly prove?

Even if these events truly happened, at most they only show that Xie Yan wanted to play the role of a deeply sentimental and indecisive person in front of the Emperor to conceal his wolfish ambitions.

Or perhaps he truly had a crisis of conscience and put on a show for himself; after all, no one wants to admit they are a heartless scoundrel.

Didn't his act fool some ignorant commoners in the capital, making them see him as a devoted lover?

"Young Master, are you feeling alright? The Master and Mistress are very worried about your health."

"Now that you're awake, Huai Xin thinks we should inform the Master and Mistress as soon as possible to set their minds at ease."

Right, I am Chou Yunqing now, no longer the deceased Feng Jiuyue. I can't be as willful as before.

From Huai Xin's fragmented words, I can keenly sense that Chou Yunqing's parents dote on him immensely. It is precisely this kind of affection that makes me uneasy.

I don't know why I was reborn into Chou Yunqing's body. Although it wasn't my wish, it is strange enough to be beyond what others can understand. If discovered, it won't be easily overlooked.

Taking over someone's body is so bizarre. Chou Yunqing's parents love him deeply and must know his personality and preferences well. What if I reveal flaws in front of them?

Since such a strange thing has happened, it means matters of gods and ghosts aren't just baseless rumors. What if they bring in Taoist priests or exorcists to drive me away? What should I do?

When I took my own life, I truly intended to die, but now that I've been reborn, there are things I want to do.

I realize how unfilial I was. When my father was beheaded and put on display, his body separated from his head, I only thought of killing myself to escape reality, without even collecting his body or building a cenotaph.

I must go to the capital. Even if I have to return this body to Chou Yunqing, I must take care of this matter first.

Having made up my mind, I said to Huai Xin, "When I woke up, I had a terrible headache and felt like I lost some memories. Now that you mention it, I have some impression of past events."

"Let me rest for a while, and when I've regained my strength, I'll speak with Father and Mother. That way, seeing me refreshed will make them happy."

"Young Master is right. Huai Xin wasn't thoughtful enough. Then rest now, Young Master. If you need anything, just call me. Huai Xin will be waiting outside the door."

Seeing that my words were appropriate, Huai Xin probably saw traces of the former Chou Yunqing and left as instructed.

I sent Huai Xin away just to buy more time to understand Chou Yunqing. At least from the items in the room, I could glimpse his preferences and habits.

I opened the wardrobe and saw only plain-colored robes inside, elegant and simple, typical of a scholar's attire, very different from what I used to wear.

I'm not a cultured scholar; my dressing style is quite vulgar. I always liked bright, flashy colors, especially robes with wisteria patterns.

The clothes I used to wear were all made by the capital's most famous Weaver Cloud Pavilion, taking many days to complete. But Chou Yunqing's clothes have no patterns and seem to be made by ordinary cloth shops, looking rather dull.

I speculated that although Chou Yunqing's family is wealthy, he doesn't dress extravagantly, suggesting a low-key and simple nature, at least not vain. I concluded silently and turned to his bookcase.

The bookcase is filled with books on entering officialdom, densely annotated with elegant, neat handwriting, indicating Chou Yunqing's aspiration and expectation for a bureaucratic career. Alternatively, it might be his expectation to serve in the court alongside Xie Yan.

Chou Yunqing's reading preferences are worlds apart from mine. I never had patience for pedantic texts; my bookcase was full of unofficial histories, travel journals, and strange tales.

It's not that I lacked ambition. To make my father happy, I once tried hard to study these official career books, but every time I opened one, yawns would follow.

"Boring," I concluded about Chou Yunqing's hobbies.

I played idly with a vase in his room. This antique vase is not only valuable but also has lively patterns—blue and white porcelain with ink-wash colors, carrying a charm reminiscent of Jiangnan water towns. Quite nice.

I wanted to pick it up for a closer look but accidentally triggered some mechanism. The wall behind the desk slowly opened, revealing a hidden room.

"Is this Chou Yunqing's secret room???"

I didn't dare make a sound, only placed the vase back and stared at the door in contemplation.

I didn't want to pry into Chou Yunqing's privacy, but if I were to convincingly portray him, I had no choice but to go in and see.

"Chou Yunqing, blame yourself for making the mechanism too easy to trigger. I'll just take a look and won't reveal your secrets, I swear." I made a silent promise to Chou Yunqing in my heart and walked toward the secret room.

As soon as I stepped inside, the door behind me slowly closed automatically. Worried I might not be able to get out, I was relieved to see a hidden switch inside the room.

Since it was a dark room, it was pitch black inside, and I felt a bit scared. But as the door closed, candles in the four corners spontaneously lit up, allowing me to see the scenes on the four walls.

They were countless portraits of Xie Yan: Xie Yan writing, Xie Yan painting, Xie Yan playing chess, Xie Yan walking, Xie Yan horseback riding, Xie Yan running, Xie Yan smiling, Xie Yan crying.

The artist's signature on all of them was Chou Yunqing.

A chill rose in my heart, as if suffocated by a ghostly presence. Did Chou Yunqing like Xie Yan to this extent?

How terrifying. How many more ignorant youths in this world are deceived by Xie Yan's facade?

Xie Yan is clearly deep and calculating, a fraud seeking fame, yet he poses as aloof and noble in front of the world, fooling everyone.

I clenched my fists tightly, staring at the painted Xie Yan.

He wore plain white robes, a jade crown tying his hair, his gray eyes calm, his face serene, sitting atop a spirited horse like a celestial being descended to the mortal realm.

Everyone only sees the ethereal aura surrounding him, aloof and unattainable, but only I see that heart of his, thoroughly blackened and corroded by a lust for power and status.

Xie Yan may have deceived the world, but he can no longer deceive me. No, Xie Yan never deceived me in the first place—he told me himself that he was this kind of filthy, vulgar man, who would even abandon his self-respect for fame and fortune. He had long since made it clear to me.

It was I who was blinded by love, living in a fantasy of him, until this absurd and ridiculous illusion was shattered by sudden, brutal bloodshed.

"If it was you who made the mistake, insisting on worshiping me as a flawless, divine deity, how can you blame me now?" If Xie Yan were to see me again, he would surely ask me this with a cold laugh.

I no longer wish to think of this person.

To distract myself, I had no choice but to walk toward the only desk in the room. The desk had two drawers; I opened one of them but found it stuck, as it was jammed with too many letters. I had to tug hard, but accidentally scattered the letters all over the floor.

As I bent down to pick up the letters, I froze when I touched the handwriting on them. These... these were love letters from Chou Yunqing to Xie Yan.

I roughly estimated there were at least over a thousand letters, all fervently expressing Yun Qing's burning love for Xie Yan—love letters written over a thousand days and nights’ worth but never sent.

With trembling fingers, I flipped to the first letter and saw it read:

Your Highness, the Crown Prince,

I hope this letter finds you well.

The day I first saw you on the main street of the capital, I felt as if an awe-inspiring deity had descended into my world, as though thousands of butterflies had been set loose in my heart.

Whenever I think of you, they flutter brilliantly within my chest, filling my dull and monotonous life with bursts of vibrant, dazzling vitality.

Was the person you were holding your lover?

Were you crying over them?

They look so much like me, but more beautiful.

Are they dead?

Yun Qing,

9th day of the eighth month, final year of the Xuanwu era

My hand trembled, and the letter fluttered to the ground like a butterfly beating its wings.

Chou Yunqing had seen Xie Yan three years ago and fallen in love with him at first sight. The day of their first encounter happened to be the day I died.

For some reason, I felt afraid—Chou Yunqing's feelings for Xie Yan were far more profound and intense than I had imagined.

[Author's Note]: I've been updating daily these past few days, but with the New Year keeping me busy, I can't guarantee updates at midnight. Everyone can check for the previous day's update at midnight—I'll try to make the chapters longer too >3<