Chapter 67 “Be My Crown Princess”

Chapter 67: "Become My Crown Princess"

By now, even if I were slow-witted, I finally understood the true motive behind the emperor’s recent, unsolicited overtures.

The daily deliveries of gold, jade, and rare foreign tributes sent from the palace to my chambers, along with the latest delicacies from the imperial kitchens, had all become burning hot potatoes. Even the most exquisite dishes now felt like deadly poisons.

As the saying goes, one should not accept rewards without merit. But I wasn’t so foolish as to openly reject the emperor’s gifts and throw them out, thereby publicly shaming him. Instead, I accepted them all, discreetly using them to seek out renowned physicians and secretly contacting Xie Yan’s former subordinates. I entrusted them to deliver these items to the desolate, barren barbarian lands where Xie Yan resided.

Though Xie Yan refused treatment for his injured leg, he did not, as was his custom, cruelly drive away the former subordinates who had voluntarily come to pledge their loyalty. This, at last, brought me a measure of relief.

According to Xie Xing, the barbarian lands were no place for ordinary people to live peacefully. The barbarians were exceptionally fierce, reckless, and belligerent. With Xie Yan’s leg broken, I feared he might be bullied by the locals, so I arranged for a few of his former subordinates to protect him, which eased my mind somewhat.

As for the emperor, merely recalling the intense, naked gaze he had fixed on me that day, along with the touch of his fingers on my chin and neck, instantly brought a surge of nausea to my throat.

So, his question about whether Xie Xing had ever been intimate with me was indeed steeped in such vile, disgusting intentions. He even complained that my mother had given birth to a son, claiming he had no interest in men, and that his long-cherished, unrequited dreams would now be projected onto the children of that person. How utterly shameless! There could be no one in this world so brazen. As Xie Xing’s father, he was utterly devoid of decency—it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he deserved to be drowned in a pig cage.

The thought made me so furious I could hardly breathe, my brows furrowed tightly as I frantically fumbled for the sachet in my sleeve.

The sachet contained herbs prescribed by the imperial physician, but my rage overwhelmed me, causing me to cough uncontrollably. In my agitation, my hand trembled, and I accidentally dropped the sachet.

"Ah, pretty brother, don’t panic! It’s all my fault," Xie Xing said, his handsome face etched with regret as he quickly picked up the sachet and held it to my nose. "I shouldn’t have troubled you with these worries, but today that scoundrel summoned me specifically to discuss this matter."

His fists clenched tightly, anger flashing in his eyes as he spoke with contempt, "That dog of an emperor even offered me control over several fortified cities in exchange for you. He’s willing to go to such lengths just for a beauty."

"But there’s no way I would agree."

"Then, then," I finally caught my breath and asked hesitantly, "would he resort to force? If he can’t persuade you, would he simply come to drag me away forcibly?" As I spoke, my body trembled with fury.

I am a man, not a woman.

How blind must that dog emperor be to mistake me for a girl and demand that I enter the palace to serve him as his consort?

The mere thought of sharing a bed with him, of skin touching skin, made me want to vomit and sent shivers down my spine. No, I would never agree. If he truly forced me, all he would get in the end is a corpse.

"Pretty brother, things haven’t reached that point yet. There’s no need for you to act as if it’s a fight to the death with that old fool," Xie Xing said, using his fingertips to smooth my furrowed brows as he tried to reassure me.

"I don’t think he would resort to force. For one, the scandalous gossip about us, spread by my design, has already circulated widely among the common folk in the capital. If he were to force the issue, the public outcry and the memorials from the stubborn old officials would be enough to infuriate him."

"Secondly, his current behavior actually benefits me in many ways. He likely sees our closeness and wants to test and drive a wedge between us. If we were to fall out, the moment you leave this mansion, the imperial guards would immediately snatch you and deliver you to his bed."

"Lastly, although that old dog holds supreme power, he still relies on the military support of the empress’s faction. Even if you agreed to become his consort, he would need a pretext to bring you into the palace, starting with the selection of court ladies. There’s no way he could directly elevate you to the rank of consort."

"Based on these three points, he’s unlikely to act recklessly for now. He’ll probably try to weaken our relationship through a mix of persuasion and pressure, waiting for you to be alone before abducting you into the palace."

So, appointing a consort wasn’t as simple as I had imagined—it involved weighing so many pros and cons. Listening to Xie Xing’s clear analysis, my racing heart gradually calmed down. I asked softly, "Have you thought of any solutions yet?"

Xie Xing shook his head, his frustration evident. He looked like a wilted rose, his head drooping as he pressed his lips together in anger.

It suddenly occurred to me that Xie Xing didn’t have to involve himself in this matter. After all, our relationship was merely a collaboration. Yet, here he was, racking his brains trying to find a solution for me, even more upset than if he had been wronged himself. It was the pain of powerlessness—he was distressed that he couldn’t protect me at this moment.

After a long silence, I stood up from my chair, walked over to Xie Xing, and gently patted his head as if comforting a puppy. "Xie Xing, it’s alright. When the cart reaches the mountain, a path will appear; when the boat reaches the bridge, it will straighten itself out. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there."

"If, in the end, there’s truly no other way," I paused, my voice tinged with rare ruthlessness and resolve, "I’ll take him down with me."

"No," Xie Xing immediately refused, his despondency vanishing as he stood up abruptly. "Pretty brother, don’t worry. I’ll think carefully over the next few days. There must be a way."

Without waiting for my response, he strode out the door, chanting under his breath, "There must be a way, there must be a way. There has to be."

His determined tone and earnest, tormented expression were both endearing and naive. My heavy heart lightened slightly as I watched his retreating figure with a smile. To have such a friend in this life, even if my life were short, what regrets could I have?

It seemed Xie Xing had truly convinced me. Over the next few days, my mood remained unaffected. Instead, I calmly instructed Huai Xin to funnel the jewels and jade bestowed by the emperor through back channels for gold. I carefully selected a few of Xie Yan’s trusted former subordinates and asked them to deliver the gold to Xie Yan in their own names.

The road ahead was uncertain. I had no idea how things would unfold. Although Xie Xing was resourceful and clever, unexpected events were inevitable in life. If the emperor truly forced me, I could always choose death. But I couldn’t let go of my concerns for Xie Yan. I feared he might face bullying because of his injured leg or struggle to adapt to the brutal living conditions in the barbarian lands. So, I did everything I could for him.

As for Xie Xing, I collected all the rare items the emperor had gifted me and entrusted them to Huai Xin for safekeeping. If anything were to happen to me, these would be my final gifts to him, hoping he would keep an eye on my father out of respect for me.

After arranging these matters, I suddenly felt a sense of relief. The clouds in the sky looked like soft cotton candy, the clear blue sky resembled a bright mirror, and I could even understand the nightingale’s song. Everything around me seemed beautiful and serene.

I even found the leisure to play a slow game of chess in the garden. But honestly, my mind wasn’t as sharp as it used to be.

Chou Yunqing was truly a scarily brilliant scholar. Without his body, I was as dumb as a rock—inept in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. Fortunately, Xie Yan and I would never meet again. Otherwise, he would surely look down on a "fool" like me. I still remembered how he used to call me a "fool," and he wasn’t wrong.

It was nearly afternoon. The lilacs in the garden bloomed in a vibrant lavender, their petals swaying gently in the breeze, filling the air with a sweet, lingering scent that lifted my spirits.

Yet, on such a peaceful and tranquil afternoon, I found myself irritably drumming my fingers on the board, biting my lower lip as I stared helplessly at the chess game. "Damn it."

"How on earth do you play this wretched game?" I was tempted to flip the board over, but Huai Xin stopped me. Frowning, he looked at me with a hint of disappointment. "Young master, isn’t this the most basic beginner’s puzzle? You could solve it when you were five. How come you can’t now? Did your illness a few days ago fry your brains?"

What a humiliation!

Chou Yunqing was truly a scarily brilliant scholar.

I contemplated quietly overturning the chessboard to vent my frustration when I suddenly noticed Xie Xing approaching from a distance. His expression was unlike his usual playful self—instead, he frowned thoughtfully.

Huai Xin tactfully withdrew.

In the pavilion, only Xie Xing and I remained, sitting across from each other. Xie Xing pursed his lips, hesitated for a long time, and finally spoke.

"Pretty brother, I’ve thought hard over the past few days, and the best solution I can come up with is this: marry me and become my crown princess."

My eyes widened in shock, and my jaw dropped. I thought he was joking. But Xie Xing’s expression was deadly earnest as he laid out his reasoning point by point.

"Although the emperor is a lech, he’s not entirely foolish. The empress’s faction restricts his actions, forcing him to act as a dutiful emperor. He can’t afford any missteps in matters of romance."

"Pretty brother, you’re not from the imperial family, so you don’t understand the intricacies. The empress has controlled the harem for years. Every consort or maid who appears by the emperor’s side must pass her scrutiny."

"Originally, the emperor planned to bring you into the palace as a court candidate before our relationship was formally recognized, then gradually keep you by his side."

"But we can avoid his trap altogether. If you and I marry directly, and you become my crown princess, he won’t dare lay a hand on you. In the future, he’ll even have to address you respectfully as his daughter-in-law. That’s the hierarchy for you."

"Think about it—if he dared to make a move on his own daughter-in-law, the entire nation would skin him alive."

Xie Xing’s words were logical, and his proposed solution was ingenious—effortlessly dismantling the emperor’s deadly scheme. Yet, the title of "crown princess" reminded me of Xie Yan—his gentle voice on our wedding night, his words in the dungeon about wanting me to bear his children. How could that be—

He was no longer the crown prince, and our makeshift wedding promises were never valid. I knew this well, but it still pained me. Trembling, I asked, "If I marry you and become your crown princess, what about your Yu Chou? Where will you place her?"

Xie Xing’s blood drained from his face in an instant. He forced a tight, pained smile and patiently explained, "Pretty brother, Yu Chou isn’t part of the equation. In the future, I will need a crown princess—if not you, it will be some other highborn lady."

"Once I’ve chosen this path, there’s no going back."

As if something occurred to him, he reached out and grabbed my arm.

"No, I should say, it's better that you become the Crown Princess. Because we won't fall in love with each other. Yu Chou is so prone to jealousy—this is already the best outcome. It’s far better than bringing some dainty, teary woman into the household later."

"I... Yu Chou, he..." I opened my mouth, but my throat felt clogged with a sour, thick mucus, and no sound came out.

When it comes to love, most experiences are similar—when one loves earnestly and passionately, you develop an endless desire for exclusivity. How could one not feel jealous? How could one bear to watch the person they love marry someone else?

"I know Yu Chou will be sad, heartbroken even. But in this lifetime, I can never be openly with him in public. Both he and I have long accepted this outcome."

Xie Xing let out a bitter laugh at this point and sighed. "Actually, it’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it."

"Even though I value Yu Chou more than my own life, I cannot show others my unique devotion to him. Once a person has a weakness, they become vulnerable. If I don’t want Yu Chou to face any danger, I must not appear to love him so openly."

How contradictory—Xie Xing sought power specifically to be with Yu Chou forever, yet before reaching the pinnacle, he cannot stay by his side. Instead, he must frantically hide his overwhelming love, fearing it might be noticed by those with ill intentions, afraid that Yu Chou would become an exposed target.

"Beautiful brother, to be honest, I also have selfish motives. This isn’t just about saving you—it’s also about creating a decoy for Yu Chou. As long as I show everyone my steadfast devotion to you, you’ll be dragged into this power struggle. You might face countless dangers; they could capture you and use you to threaten me. The Emperor would also see your safety as leverage against me."

"Beautiful brother, I’m not as good as you might imagine, nor am I as wicked. I’ve laid out all the pros and cons for you. The rest is for you to decide."

After saying this, Xie Xing looked up and gazed deeply at me. He was clouded by unspoken gloom, his expression dark and somber. Yet his eyes remained clear and bright, fixed steadily on me, leaving no room for my emotions to hide.

I wanted to cry out a firm "no." I, Feng Jiuyue, had only ever dreamed of marrying Xie Yan and becoming his legitimate Crown Princess. The night I offered myself to him, I clung to that sweet dream and slept peacefully.

I longed to stay with Xie Yan forever, to bloom beautifully in his heart, to make him laugh every day, to grow old by his side, and bring him a lifetime of joy.

But now, it’s impossible.

Xie Yan will never love me again. He is no longer the Crown Prince; his legs were broken by me. I shattered the swan's pride—how dare I hope for its kiss?

I can never become his Crown Princess.

So who I marry makes no difference.

As long as it’s not Xie Yan, nothing holds any meaning.

A breeze brushed against my cheek. As my lips parted, I tasted the salt of my tears. Clamping down hard on my lower lip, I whispered softly,

"Alright."

Author’s Note:

A heads-up—Xie Yan might appear tomorrow or the day after. He’ll transform from a cool, silent, well-behaved pup into a sneaky, sharp-tongued rascal. Everyone, be prepared!!!