Chapter 58 “Unless My Father Comes Back to Life”

Chapter 58: "Unless My Father Returns from the Dead"

When the message-bearing arrow once again whistled in through the window, Huai Xin had learned to remain cool and collected. Unlike last time, he didn't make a fuss but silently pulled the arrow from the bedpost.

I leisurely placed a chess piece on the board, gazing coldly at the withered leaves scattered outside the window.

Autumn had passed, and the harsh winter was approaching. Soon, the capital would be blanketed in pure white snow—adorned in crimson and white, with endless snowfall, it would surely be exceptionally enchanting.

But I wondered if I would live to see it.

"Young Master," Huai Xin called out to me, handing over the unopened letter. He had not overstepped, avoiding even a glance at its contents, his eyes deliberately averted elsewhere.

It had to be said—Chou Yunqing had chosen a truly fitting attendant.

I opened the letter and saw graceful penmanship stand out on the page.

"Meet at the Rain-Listening Pavilion at midnight tonight."

The handwriting was the same as before—still unsigned, leaving no evidence. It was unmistakably Xie Xing's style. Strangely, Xie Xing's handwriting contrasted sharply with his cunning nature. Though he was as sly as a fox, his calligraphy was precise and elegant, bearing the grace of a distinguished scholar.

Huai Xin brought over a small metal kettle. I noticed flames flickering inside, contained by the metal without escaping. I placed the letter into the fire, watching as the parchment-like paper turned into a mass of dark ash before waving my hand to dismiss Huai Xin.

Huai Xin was always meticulous. The container for destroying the letter had been prepared in advance, ensuring I wouldn’t be scorched by the flames.

Upon hearing my instruction, he simply acknowledged with a "Yes," without another word—no questions, no doubts. He never considered that these letters might lead him into treacherous waters, nor did he dwell on the possibility that my secret plans could put his life at risk.

He trusted me wholeheartedly, never doubting me. Or perhaps he had doubted me but, after careful thought, chose to entrust his life to me. Even if I asked him to sacrifice himself, he would not hesitate—such was his fervent, unwavering devotion.

My plan with Xie Xing was not seamless. Nothing in this world is perfect. We were all walking on the edge of a blade, each step taken as if walking on thin ice. Reckless and bold actions could lead to victory or catastrophic failure and death.

So why involve an innocent person?

With that thought, I raised my hand and called Huai Xin over, asking, "Have you ever thought about returning to Yuanzhou?"

At my words, Huai Xin’s resolute and honest face lit up instantly. He eagerly asked, "Young Master, are you taking me back to Yuanzhou? I’ll pack my things tonight."

"No," I shook my head firmly, explaining seriously, "I’m not going back with you. You would return alone. If you wish to go, I will arrange for someone to escort you safely. You need not worry about anything else."

"Ah, if Young Master isn’t returning, then Huai Xin won’t go either." The light in his eyes faded, replaced by crestfallen dejection. "Wherever Young Master is, Huai Xin will be there."

"Huai Xin must protect Young Master for a lifetime. How could I abandon you and return to Yuanzhou? When we left, the master and mistress instructed me to take good care of you. I cannot disappoint them."

His heartfelt words, brimming with warmth, were hard not to be moved by—I was no exception. I nodded gently, meeting his loyal and determined eyes, and slowly laid out all the potential dangers clearly.

"Huai Xin, I believe you’ve noticed—I have a very important task to accomplish. It matters more than my life, and it carries perpetual dangers."

"If it fails, it may implicate you. That’s why I suggested you return to Yuanzhou—to keep you safe."

"Do you understand what I’m saying?"

"If you stay with me in the capital, you could get killed. Knowing that, do you still insist on staying?"

After speaking at length, I felt parched and picked up a teacup to sip slowly. Peeking over the rim, I observed Huai Xin’s expression.

His usually smiling lips were now slightly downturned, and a trace of panic flickered across his resolute face. He rushed toward me so abruptly that I was startled, nearly choking on my tea.

"Young Master, Young Master," he exclaimed, unaware of his overstepping as he gripped my hands like a lifeline, his strength startling. His lips trembled as he spoke, "Then... will you be in danger?"

"Is this task absolutely necessary?"

"Why is Young Master concerned about Huai Xin’s life?"

"This worthless life of mine was saved by you, Young Master. You are everything to Huai Xin. If you die, I will not linger in this world—I will follow you to serve you in the afterlife."

"So, please, don’t send me away."

He spoke with such conviction, clutching my hands tightly, as if he would refuse to let go unless I allowed him to stay—to the bitter end.

I sighed helplessly, patting his hand to signal him to release me. "Since it’s your decision, I won’t persuade you otherwise. Tonight, accompany me to the Rain-Listening Pavilion."

As if the weather turned against us, fate seemed determined to throw obstacles in our path.

The once mild weather turned rainy by evening, drizzling steadily. Countless raindrops fell like fine needles, connecting the gloomy sky to the parched earth.

The late autumn chill, already lingering in the air, grew sharper with the rain, adding insult to injury. Icy droplets mixed with a biting wind threatened to freeze me on the way.

Huai Xin was furious, cursing under his breath, "Damn this weather! Is it trying to freeze my Young Master to death?"

Once again, we opted not to take a sedan chair, instead trudging along the wet stone path. Mud splashed onto my trousers with each step. Though Huai Xin walked ahead to block the wind, I still shivered uncontrollably from the cold.

So cold. My hands were frozen stiff, and my steps grew unsteady as I followed Huai Xin. Finally, we entered a bamboo grove from a narrow path. The dense bamboo broke the howling wind into fragments, and the leaves softened the rain’s intensity. I breathed a sigh of relief, then heard Huai Xin exclaim excitedly, "Young Master, someone has come to fetch us."

A sedan chair emerged from the depths of the grove, preceded by the same young attendant who had received me last time. He bowed upon seeing me and said, "My master noticed the unfavorable weather and feared for Young Master Chou’s health, so he sent us to escort you inside."

As if anticipating misunderstanding, the attendant added, "There are many eyes and ears in the capital, so we could only meet you here. We hope Young Master Chou will understand."

Truly meticulous. Xie Xing’s management was impeccable—even a young attendant knew how to handle situations with propriety and insight, leaving no room for error.

Without that additional explanation, someone like Huai Xin, fiercely loyal to his master, might have inwardly grumbled, "Why didn’t they come sooner?"

I simply acknowledged him and stepped into the sedan chair.

Inside, clean clothes and boots were prepared, along with a blazing brazier and a hand warmer. Huai Xin helped me change into warm garments, placed the hand warmer in my grasp, and handed me a cup of hot tea. Instantly revitalized, I grew drowsy.

"Young Master Chou, we’ve arrived." The attendant’s clear voice sounded from outside. Supported by Huai Xin, I alighted and entered the Rain-Listening Pavilion within a few steps, my garments staying dry.

I instructed Huai Xin to wait outside and made my way to the bamboo room where I had previously shared tea with Xie Xing. To my surprise, it was empty.

The room seemed prepared for my arrival. Braziers burned brightly around the space, warding off the cold even with the door open. A low table and cushions were placed near the entrance, where the wind and rain outside were separated only by a narrow railing.

I stared blankly at the raindrops falling from the sky, their rhythmic pattering on the tiles calming my racing heart. Reaching out, I caught the cold droplets in my hand.

"Pretty Brother, how old are you to still enjoy playing with rainwater?" Xie Xing’s voice came from behind me.

I turned to see him walking toward me with a sweet smile, though his gait was peculiar—as if he were injured but enduring it. Each step seemed to pain him, his brows furrowing with a soft curse.

He wore a loosely draped, oversized black outer robe—the same one I had seen him in during my last visit. Only now did I realize something was off: the robe was far too large for his frame, enveloping him entirely like a subtle yet glaring mark of possession.

I suddenly thought of Yu Chou—that tall, fierce-looking man. This robe resembled his style of dress.

Xie Xing walked uncomfortably to the cushion, hesitating for a moment before sitting down. The moment his hips touched the cushion, his brows tightened sharply, as if in discomfort.

"Pretty Brother, I’m sorry," he apologized, his fox-like eyes filled with sincerity. "It’s all Yu Chou’s fault—he has no self-control. I had timed everything, but he insisted on one more round. I couldn’t overpower him, so I made you wait. Please don’t be angry."

At first, I didn’t understand what Xie Xing meant. But then my gaze fell on the faint red marks dotting his pale neck, and my cheeks flushed instantly, my ears burning. So, Xie Xing and Yu Chou had been...

"Pretty Brother, let me apologize with tea instead of wine. Three cups, and you’ll forgive me, alright?" Xie Xing seemed oblivious to the implications of his words, assuming I was upset with him. Tipping his head back, he gulped down several mouthfuls of tea.

His apology only drew more attention to the trail of marks on his slender neck—not just kisses but bite marks too, extending beneath his collar. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. Shaking my head, I said, "I’m not angry. There’s no need for this."

"Good that you're not angry," Xie Xing grinned, his eyes crinkling, his beautiful face veiled in the mist rising from the tea, appearing both hazy and clear. "I called you here this time, pretty one, to ask how the seal is coming along."

He began to offer suggestions thoughtfully, his pale fingers with pink tips gently tracing circles on the table, as if lost in thought or reminiscing.

"Pretty brother, you can't search blindly. Blindly searching is like looking for a needle in a haystack. You need to probe, to get Crown Prince Brother to talk—that’s an easier way to find the answer. Men, after all, are usually more pliable once you've been to bed together, aren’t they?"

As he said this, he looked up at me, the slightly upturned corners of his eyes tinged red, as if he'd been crying, appearing both pitiful and alluring, like a fragrant, well-watered rose, its intoxicating fragrance.

I could never really figure Xie Xing out. He was extraordinarily beautiful, with the purity and innocence of a child, full lips, and mischievous-looking canines that showed when he smiled. He often pretended to be naive and unworldly, yet he understood everything, feigning ignorance while hiding shrewdness—the kind of person who could sweetly smile while poisoning your wine.

Why did he want to fight for the throne? If Xie Yan had no backing and could only gamble everything, charging forward alone, then why was Xie Xing doing this?

He was clearly born with a silver spoon, living a carefree life. Why was he so obsessed with the struggle for power? As I pondered this, I found myself asking bluntly, "Xie Xing, why do you want to become the crown prince?"

"Hahaha, pretty brother, why would you ask such a naive and foolish question?"

Xie Xing laughed even more heartily at my words, treating me like some amusing plaything. He reached out with fingers still wet with tea to touch my face, but the gesture held no lewd intent—it was merely his way of teasing me for fun.

I didn’t like being touched like this by others. I wasn’t some doll—why did they always treat me this way? Thinking of this, I scowled, and pressed my lips together without speaking.

Xie Xing noticed my displeasure and quickly withdrew his hand. After a moment, I heard his measured reply.

"Because I want Yu Chou."

"What do you mean?" I didn’t understand. What did obtaining Yu Chou have to do with obtaining the world? Given how intimate and inseparable Xie Xing and Yu Chou were now, even engaging in such acts, hadn’t he already obtained him?

"Pretty brother, you’re too innocent, like a blank sheet of paper untouched by any stain. I really like that."

As Xie Xing spoke, he gently wiped the water from his hand, his demeanor noble and elegant. His fox-like eyes gazed deeply at me, their shifting waves of emotion unusually cold and hard.

"If I want to stay with Yu Chou forever, I must become the most powerful person in Jiang State. If I cannot become the sovereign, my fate will be reduced to a handful of ashes in an urn. To the victor go the spoils—it’s all too common."

After wiping his fingers clean, he poured me another cup of tea, his eyelashes lowered with a touch of melancholy. "I’ve also fantasized about being an ordinary commoner—having an elder brother, a father, and Yu Chou. How carefree and unrestrained that would be, without the scheming struggles or life-and-death battles. But I was born into an imperial family, destined for a life of violence and betrayal."

"Do you think my elder brothers don’t want peace? Everyone wants peace. But if we surrender and hand our fate to others, once someone else ascends the throne, we’ll be left at their mercy."

"I don’t want to lose. I want to win. When I become emperor, Yu Chou will be my empress, and naturally, I will never be separated from him."

At this, Xie Xing rarely revealed the innocence and romance befitting his age, but that expression vanished quickly, replaced by a cold, ruthless look.

"I don’t want to harm others either, but these people are like stones blocking my path. I can’t say I hate these stones—only that they are in my way, and I must either kick them aside or crush them to dust."

After this confession, I should have felt wary of Xie Xing, but instead, I felt a strange sense of familiarity, as if suddenly entrusted with a secret and a wish, and for a moment, I didn’t know what to say.

After saying all that, Xie Xing returned to his frivolous demeanor, eagerly offering me advice.

"Pretty brother, use your charms on Crown Prince Brother! You’ve probably done it already, right? You must know how to make him talk. Just give it a try."

I nearly spat out the tea I had just sipped and hurriedly took out the letter hidden in my robe, just wanting Xie Xing to shut his mouth and stop saying such frightening things with that sweet, innocent face of his.

Xie Xing delightedly took the letter and carefully examined the seal imprint under the candlelight. After a long while, he solemnly said to me, "This is it. I’ve seen Crown Prince Brother’s seal before—this is exactly it. There’s no mistake."

A few days ago, I had been worrying about whether it was authentic, too afraid to contact Xie Xing for fear of letting him down. Now, hearing his confirmation, I finally relaxed. Since the task was accomplished, I stood up to leave but was stopped by Xie Xing.

"What else is there?" I turned back to look at him, my eyes filled with confusion and doubt.

It likely wasn’t anything important. Xie Xing didn’t stand up but leisurely drank his tea, propping his cheek with one hand, his eyes bright like a harmless, obedient youth, and slowly asked me:

"Pretty brother, I know you’re seeking revenge for your father, but have you ever considered that perhaps Crown Prince Brother regretted it after doing this bad deed? If that were the case, would you still seek revenge?"

"However," he covered his mouth with a laugh, his eyes gleaming with mischievous malice, "even though I say this, if you try to take the letter back now, I won’t give it to you. I’m just bored and curious, that’s all."

If Xie Yan regretted it, would I stop seeking revenge? I asked myself this and quickly found the answer. I said calmly to Xie Xing, "Unless my father comes back to life."

"Oh, okay then." Xie Xing rubbed the tip of his nose, somewhat awkwardly, his face showing the embarrassment of someone who meant well but caused trouble. He analyzed coolly:

"How could he possibly come back to life? That old fool Father Emperor wanted your father dead and gone. Anyone who dared save him would be defying the emperor—who would dare?"

Yes, my father could not come back to life, and I could not give up my revenge.

I said nothing more and left more resolutely than ever before.

After handing the letter to Xie Xing, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, much more relaxed than before, and even found time to inquire about Xie Yan’s well-being. After Huai Xin gathered information for me, I learned that Xie Yan had been ill for a long time since that day and had only recently begun to recover.

The next day, I woke up early and stood by the window, staring in the direction of the Crown Prince’s residence. This was the route Xie Yan had to take to attend court. If he had recovered, he would surely pass by here. Sure enough, after a while, I saw Xie Yan’s figure appear.

He wore a dark blue official robe, simple and austere in design, yet it accentuated his broad shoulders and long legs, his every movement exuding grace. Taking advantage of the fact that he couldn’t see behind him, I stared directly at his back, watching him leave through the gate.

But as if by some mystical sense, Xie Yan turned to look at me just as he stepped over the threshold. His face was pale as snow, and he coughed incessantly. His gray eyes fixed on me, suddenly flooding with endless tenderness, like ice and snow melting into spring water in an instant.

I coldly shut the window, blocking out those two burning gazes, and thought to myself: Xie Xing’s impeachment would likely be brought up in today’s court session. The next time Xie Yan and I met, it would inevitably be with drawn blades, tension hanging thick in the air.