Chapter 17 “I Can See”

Chapter 17 "I Can See It"

Xie Yan remained silent, and a prolonged stillness settled between us. In that chilling atmosphere, I felt utterly helpless, my fingers clutching the hem of my clothes so tightly they turned pale.

I knew I couldn’t control my hands, yet I couldn’t bear the sensation of being restrained—it felt like a hundred ants crawling over my heart.

The scar on my arm was hidden in the shadows; unless we were intimately close, no one would ever notice it. My father had always been overly anxious about me since I was young, and I could understand that. But why was Xie Yan so concerned about this particular scar of mine? I still couldn’t fathom it.

It was Xie Yan who first broke the icy tension. He let out a faint sigh and told me to summon the steward.

By the time I found the steward, Xie Yan was no longer in his original spot. I found him lying quietly on the bed in the bedchamber, the brocade quilt pulled up to his chest, his eyes closed wearily.

Hearing our entry, he gestured lightly and said to the steward, "Lately, I’ve caught a slight chill and am feeling unwell. I need to take a few days off. Inform His Majesty and have all official documents requiring attention brought to the bedchamber."

"Yes," the steward replied promptly and hurried away.

"Are you really sick?" I reached out and placed my hand on Xie Yan’s forehead, then back on my own, comparing the temperatures. "I don’t think so."

"What do you think?" Xie Yan propped himself up, threw off the covers, got out of bed, walked to the desk, and began reviewing memorials with an unruffled expression.

"Oh!" It finally dawned on me. "You’re pretending to be sick!" As soon as the words left my mouth, I quickly covered my big mouth and glanced around, afraid that someone might overhear this crime of deceiving the emperor.

Xie Yan said nothing. He casually lifted his eyelids, gave me a fleeting glance, then shifted his gaze to a wooden stool not far away and ordered, "Bring it over."

"Okay, okay." I hurried to move it.

"Sit down."

"Okay." I quickly sat down. As soon as I did, Xie Yan’s slightly cool hand reached over, grabbing my arm to prevent me from scratching it again.

"Even if it scars, no one will see it. Why are you all so concerned?" I muttered under my breath, voicing the confusion in my heart.

"I can see it." Xie Yan said this with a calm expression, as if his ability to see my body were entirely natural. But suddenly, I felt shy. Only those intimately close would bare themselves to each other. Xie Yan’s words made my quiet heart race wildly again.

I stole a glance at him. With his other hand, he held a brush, his back straight as a proud pine. As he wrote, his eyelashes lowered, concealing the light color of his pupils, like clear amber hidden by a forest, making one hesitant to approach.

But now, this lake occasionally reflected my figure. How lucky I was.

For the next few days, Xie Yan stayed home on sick leave, keeping a close watch on me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape his sharp, hawk-like eyes. There was no chance for any sneaky behavior, and my scar made it through the itchy phase, with the scab falling off naturally.

Xie Yan carefully inspected my scar and even had Imperial Physician Lin bring many scar-removing ointments from the palace for me to apply. I didn’t pay much attention to the scar, but Xie Yan insisted on watching me apply the ointment every night, which was quite a headache.

Under his supervision, however, my scar took on a pink hue, unlike ordinary scars that are dark and dull. If you didn’t look closely, it resembled a broken crescent moon.

During this period of healing, my father came to the Crown Prince’s residence from time to time to check on me. Now that I was almost fully recovered, it was time for me to return home.

But after spending these days with Xie Yan, I had grown accustomed to his presence and was reluctant to leave. Sitting in Xie Yan’s palanquin, already at the entrance of my home, I still hesitated to get out.

"Your Highness, we’ve arrived at the Prime Minister’s residence," the attendant’s voice came from outside.

Xie Yan acknowledged it and then turned his gaze to me, as if urging me to hurry up and get out.

I could only move slowly. Just as I lifted the curtain, I couldn’t help but look back and saw that Xie Yan wasn’t reading as usual but was watching me intently, his gray pupils reflecting only my figure.

I was so captivated I could hardly move. I let the curtain fall and hurried back to his side in a few steps, unable to resist wrapping my arms around his waist. Like a pet, I nuzzled against his chest, my voice muffled, "I feel reluctant to leave you."

Xie Yan’s hand landed on my head, messing up my hair quite contentedly. Then he pinched my cheeks, kneading them like dough until my face felt warm before saying leisurely, "Won’t you see me tomorrow?"

"Oh, right!" Since my injury had healed, I no longer had an excuse to skip work. I could see Xie Yan when I went to the Crown Prince’s residence for duty. The thought lifted my spirits, and I looked up, gently pecking Xie Yan’s lower lip before happily stepping out of the palanquin.

Perhaps because Xie Yan had softened toward me, life at the Crown Prince’s residence was almost like a fish in water—free and unrestrained.

Xie Yan had now taken over the military authority of the General of the Northern Garrison and was much busier than before. Even the time he spent supervising my writing had decreased.

Since I couldn’t see him often, I had to find ways to amuse myself. I brought Little White to the Crown Prince’s residence to keep me company. Relying on Xie Yan’s occasional compromises, I selfishly thought he wouldn’t get angry with me over Little White.

The Crown Prince’s residence was spacious. Little White and I played fetch under the sun. I threw the ball far away, and Little White would immediately retrieve it for me. We were having so much fun, man and dog, that we didn’t notice Xie Yan’s arrival.

"Woof, woof, woof!" Little White suddenly ran behind me with the ball in his mouth. Puzzled, I turned around and saw Xie Yan standing not far behind me, his brows slightly furrowed as if dissatisfied with something.

"Aren’t you busy?" Usually at this time, Xie Yan would be discussing border defense strategies with various officials.

Xie Yan didn’t answer. His brows tightened, and he stared coldly at Little White, who was rubbing against his trousers.

My Little White was exceptionally friendly and hospitable, especially fond of beautiful people and things. So, in Little White’s eyes, Xie Yan was a special favorite. Unfortunately, Xie Yan didn’t seem to like dogs. I could only pick Little White up and stroke its smooth fur.

"Don’t you like dogs? Or are you afraid of them?" I asked curiously because whenever Little White tried to get close to Xie Yan, he seemed resistant and uncomfortable.

Xie Yan remained silent, his thin lips pressed tightly together. Seeing that he didn’t want to talk, I didn’t press him. I just held Little White and sat under the peach tree, gently stroking its fine fur.

The weather was no longer so hot, and a cool breeze blew occasionally. Xie Yan didn’t sit with me. I knew he was fastidious and didn’t insist.

We sat and stood there without speaking, gazing at the distant mountains with an unspoken understanding of not disturbing each other.

"Dogs—once you keep them for long, it’s hard to let go. Better not to keep them from the start."

Xie Yan’s words reached my ears. I turned to look at him and saw his cold, clear eyes seemingly shrouded in dark clouds, his expression gloomy and enigmatic. After saying this, he left, leaving me utterly confused.

I pinched Little White’s paw, leaned in to look into its amber eyes, and secretly bad-mouthed Xie Yan, "Let’s ignore him. Don’t lick him anymore. Let’s not be overly eager to please."

The Empress’s birthday was in a few days, and the Emperor had handed all arrangements over to Xie Yan. He was so busy he barely had time to touch the ground. I didn’t dare disturb him, feeling that since he’d said those strange words the other day, his mood had been unstable—unpredictable and hard to please.

For example, right now, Little White was quietly curled up in its cage. Xie Yan was writing at his desk, and I was serving ink. Yet he still found fault, "It’s too noisy."

I was speechless. Little White hadn’t made a sound. But arguing with Xie Yan was pointless. I could only send Little White back home first and then return to ask him, "Do you really dislike little dogs?"

"Yes," Xie Yan answered without hesitation.

I pursed my lips, feeling a bit disappointed. But I understood that not everyone shared my hobbies. I nodded, "Then I won’t bring it here anymore."

"You stop bringing it just because I said so. It seems it’s not that important to you after all."

I didn’t know what kind of mood Xie Yan was in, but his words were downright cutting. He was the one who didn’t like Little White, yet after I compromised, he questioned my feelings for Little White, making me want to defend Little White.

I took a deep breath, telling myself not to get angry, not to stoop to Xie Yan’s level, and finally calmed down. I argued reasonably, "I’m not abandoning Little White. I just won’t bring it in front of you. Don’t overthink it."

After hearing this, Xie Yan seemed slightly stunned, as if lost in distant memories. After a long while, he snapped out of it, thought for a moment, and asked me, "If one day you discover I’m different from what you imagined, what would you do?"

This question stumped me. The Xie Yan I knew was the Xie Yan of now, but I knew nothing of his past—how he gradually attained this position, how he developed his reticent and cold personality. I had no idea how I would react.

Seeing me silent for so long, Xie Yan suddenly swept all the ink and brushes off his desk onto the floor and stared at me coldly. "I see."

Author’s Note:

I’m so stupid; I forgot to set the release time, wuwu.