Chapter 22 “Xie Yan, Let Me Go”

Chapter 22: "Xie Yan, Let Go of Me"

I had spoken at length, yet Xie Yan remained utterly silent, his expression as aloof and serene as an exquisitely carved white jade statue.

At that moment, sunlight pierced through the window lattice, landing precisely on his cold, pale fingertips. Only then did I notice his hands were already clenched into tight fists, as if he were desperately suppressing a surging tide of fury.

After a prolonged hesitation, he seemed to make a monumental decision, offering his greatest concession. "Feng Muqiu," he said to me, "I'll give you a chance to retract what you just said."

Having uttered these words, he finally lowered his gaze to meet mine. The corners of his eyes were deep, like distant, undulating mountain ranges, his thin lips pressed tightly together, his face as frigid as winter's ice and snow, chilling me from my very core to my fingertips.

Xie Yan's tolerance toward me had always felt like a condescending charity, the benevolence of a superior. Even when he secretly met with others behind my back and offered no explanation, I had no right to reproach him.

At this thought, my tears ceased. I merely offered a faint smile and said, "Your Highness, please return the ring to this commoner. Though I may be foolish, I deeply understand that words once spoken are like spilled water—there is no taking them back."

No sooner had I finished speaking than Xie Yan unfastened the sachet from his waist and flung it violently to the ground. His breathing was uncharacteristically ragged, the stray hairs at his temples barely concealing the profound depth of his stormy gray eyes, making him resemble a fierce beast provoked but unable to unleash its rage.

"Thank you for Your Highness’s graciousness."

The ring was indeed inside the sachet. After retrieving it, I instinctively thought to reattach the sachet for him, but then chuckled at my own presumption. Instead, I gently placed the sachet on the ground and performed a deep bow to Xie Yan. "This commoner takes his leave."

Just as I was about to reach the door, Xie Yan’s low, somber voice resonated from behind me, laden with a potent warning. "If you step out of this door today, do not regret it."

I did not look back, my departure resolute. Yet, when I emerged from the painted boat and faced the vast expanse of lotus fields and the dazzling sunlight, I felt utterly drained, my head spinning uncontrollably.

Given Xie Yan’s temperament and character, after my actions, it was likely we would never meet again in this lifetime.

At this thought, my steps faltered as I boarded the awning-covered boat, and I stumbled, falling into the lake. Fortunately, it was summer, and the water was not excessively cold. The boatman promptly fished me out, saving my life.

I returned to the ministerial residence soaked and dazed, my expression blank like a walking corpse. As I passed through the main hall, I saw my father applying medicine.

There was a profusely bleeding wound on his forehead, where he had been struck by the sharp edge of a hard object. The imperial physician was bandaging it.

When he saw me, he subtly turned his body to shield the injury on his forehead. Frowning at my drenched state, he beckoned me over. "How did you end up like this?"

I forced a natural smile and playfully retorted, "The weather was hot, so I took a dip in the lake to cool off."

The imperial physician sighed as he bandaged my father, lamenting, "I now truly understand the saying, 'accompanying the emperor is like accompanying a tiger.' Prime Minister, rest well and make your plans early."

With that, he took his leave.

A vague sense of foreboding crept over me. I quickly grasped my father’s hand and asked, "Father, what happened to your head? Did the Emperor do this? Why would he treat you like this?"

My father shook his head, offering no answers to my questions.

He was always like this, burying his worries deep within his heart. Even when he suffered grievances at court, he never spoke of them to me, choosing instead to sit alone all night in my mother’s ancestral hall.

"It's just a minor injury. I bumped into something by accident. Go take a hot bath quickly; don’t catch a cold." My father clearly wished to avoid further discussion, simply urging me to bathe.

I wanted to press further, but then I saw my father’s expression turn cold, his brow etched with what seemed like a myriad of sorrows.

I pursed my lips and said no more. Even if my father told me, I could offer no help. If I pressed further, he would likely become angry, and I did not wish to upset him.

For an ordinary person, falling into a lake in summer might bring a slight chill, but I fell gravely ill for five full days, burning with a persistent fever, confined to my sickbed, and plagued by a bizarre, fantastical dream.

In the dream, Xie Yan married the daughter of the Minister of Personnel in a grand, lavish ceremony, with a procession stretching for miles, vibrant and bustling. Watching him in the crowd, dressed in red robes and riding a tall horse, his eyebrows arched with unbridled joy, I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my heart.

The undeniable fact that I am a man meant that Xie Yan and I had no possibility together. It was my own stubborn insistence that led to this outcome, and I had only myself to blame.

I was ill for half a month before finally recovering. My father’s injury had also mostly healed. Seeing me moping around all day, no longer going out to cause trouble or chase cats and tease dogs, he grew deeply concerned and insisted I go out more and socialize with others. Unable to refuse him, I swallowed my pride and attended a palace banquet.

Coincidentally, I encountered the woman from Guanxin Lake at the banquet.

She was not elaborately dressed today, her hair hastily styled in a simple cloud-like chignon, her cloud-patterned robe unadorned. When she saw me, surprise immediately flashed across her face. I pressed a finger to my lips, signaling her to stay quiet, and sat down beside her.

After I took my seat, a eunuch announced the arrival of His Highness the Crown Prince. I bowed with the others, not even glancing at the figure seated at the head of the hall.

I felt a degree of guilt toward the woman, knowing that my reckless behavior that day must have frightened her.

Truth be told, she had done nothing wrong. Even her every gesture was proper and appropriate—she had merely been out boating on her parents’ orders. Yet, I had acted like a complete fool.

For a moment, I did not know how to apologize, but she smiled at me openly, her expression frank and generous, and said softly, "It was you that day, wasn’t it?"

I could only nod awkwardly. "What happened that day was entirely my fault. His Highness is not that kind of person. Please do not misunderstand him, miss. I was the one in the wrong."

"What does it matter?"

Seeing my nervousness, she smiled and shook her head with a sigh. "I had thought my family background would be of some help to me, but after seeing you that day, I knew it was utterly impossible."

"Xie Yan’s demeanor toward you and toward me is clearly different."

I had no interest in discussing Xie Yan’s affairs and bowed my head in silence, but the woman seemed to need an outlet for her emotions.

"When you appeared, Xie Yan’s eyes lit up. During the days I spent boating with him, he never once looked at me. Even when I spoke to him, his responses were always indifferent."

"It was only after seeing you that I realized even someone who seemed like an immortal banished from heaven could be filled with such deep emotions."

"Oh? What emotions?" I drained the wine in my glass, a mocking smile curling my lips. "He has always shown me nothing but indifference, sarcasm, and pity."

The woman shook her head. "After you left that day, Xie Yan flew into a rage. I had never seen him like that. I thought someone as transcendent as him would not possess the seven emotions and six desires of us ordinary mortals."

Unwilling to dwell on the topic, I drowned my sorrows in wine, occasionally expressing my apologies to the woman.

I felt deeply uncomfortable at the banquet, constantly sensing a gaze upon me that was both icy and burning, making me feel like sitting on pins and needles. Yet, I could never identify the source.

After arranging to go boating and picking lotus pods with the woman another time, I left the banquet.

I had drunk a bit too much today, my head dizzy and my steps unsteady. Taking advantage of the night breeze, I headed toward the garden. The imperial garden had a section planted with vast stretches of wisteria. I wound through the artificial rock formations, following my memory in search of that sea of flowers.

But I felt increasingly dizzy, so I leaned against a strange rock to catch my breath. The artificial rock formations here formed a natural passage, hidden within, making it difficult for outsiders to discern one’s whereabouts. Few people passed through.

However, footsteps sounded not far away at that moment. I struggled to open my eyes, trying to make out the figure in the darkness, but could only see a blurry silhouette against the light.

The newcomer’s movements were extremely forceful, as if fueled by raging anger. He pinned me against the artificial hill, his cool hand covering my eyes, and leaned down to bite and tear at my lips.

The strong scent of alcohol on him overwhelmed any other smell. His sharp teeth pierced the tip of my tongue, the taste of blood spreading between us.

I struggled desperately, but it was like a mayfly trying to topple a tree. He pinned my hands above my head, covered my eyes so I could not see, and silenced me so I could not speak. My senses became heightened—I could clearly hear the man’s heavy breathing, the wet sounds of our lips and tongues, and the muffled whimpers I made from being unable to speak.

Utterly powerless to resist, I could only let him take whatever he wanted, even my breath stolen away. When my consciousness returned, his cold lips, tinged with the metallic taste of blood, brushed lightly against my neck, like a serpent surveying its prey.

"Xie Yan, let go of me."

It was merely a guess, but the person halted all movement, confirming my suspicion. Xie Yan removed the hand covering my eyes but did not loosen his grip on my wrists in the slightest.

The moment I opened my eyes, I saw Xie Yan’s face shrouded in moonlight, his gray pupils sharp and cold like frost and snow, traces of blood still staining the corner of his lips, giving him an aura that was both righteous and evil, demonic and divine.