Chapter 76 “A Careless Person”

Chapter 76: "A Fickle Person"

I took a deep breath, silently repeating to myself: *Feng Jiuyue, don’t get angry, don’t get angry, don’t get angry. You absolutely must not get angry again. Don’t stoop to Xie Yan’s level, that wretched dog. A moment’s patience brings calm, a step back opens up vast horizons.*

Besides, telling Xie Yan to go find someone else was indeed something I blurted out in a fit of pique. If he really did go find someone else, I’d probably die of vexation. In any case, the immediate plan was to placate Xie Yan, this wretched dog, and stop bickering with him.

With this thought, I opened my bleary eyes to look at Xie Yan. He must have rushed straight to me upon returning from outside. His hair was slightly disheveled; he hadn’t yet changed out of his outdoor clothes, nor had he bathed, and the scent of alcohol still clung to him.

Tonight, he wore an exquisite moon-white robe with subtle floral patterns. The wide sleeves and cinched waist accentuated his broad shoulders and narrow waist. His thick, ink-black hair cascaded down, his phoenix eyes were deep, and the corners of his lips were slightly upturned. Under the soft moonlight, he appeared even more ethereal, like an immortal banished to earth.

Xie Yan knew he possessed a certain allure, but he rarely wore such flamboyant attire. He was usually clad in stark black or plain white—when had he ever dressed so ostentatiously? My internal alarm bells rang loudly as I recalled the attendant’s report: Xie Yan had attended the banquet hosted by the Wengcheng city official. So, he had dressed like this to attract attention at the banquet?

Why not just go in his usual mourning clothes? Why did he have to dress up so deliberately? Wasn’t he afraid of attracting romantic entanglements that he wouldn’t be able to resolve later?

I felt a vague sense of displeasure. I didn’t know what was wrong with me; many of my thoughts were strange. Xie Yan was naturally handsome; he should dress well for a banquet and not wear mourning clothes. Yet, I still felt very unhappy, my heart heavy and stifled.

Dressed like this, few could resist Xie Yan. He truly had no marital virtue. He was already married to me, we had consummated the marriage, yet he still dared to go out and seduce others. How hateful. Why did I care so much? I was the one who told him to find someone else, and now I was the one feeling suffocated.

How infuriating.

"Cat got your tongue?"

Xie Yan saw me staring blankly at the intricate patterns on his robe, then lowering my head without a word. Puzzled, he reached out to grip my chin.

His fingertips were slightly cool, and his movements weren’t as rough as last time when he was angry. It was more like teasing a cat or dog, lightly scratching the soft flesh under my chin with two fingers. It seemed he really saw me as some kind of pet.

"Changed your mind?"

"Don’t want me to find someone else?"

He held my face, curiously tilting it left and right, occasionally leaning in to lick the tear mole under my right eye. His warm breath, heavy with the smell of alcohol, washed over my face. How much had Xie Yan drunk? I frowned in disgust, raising my eyes to meet his slightly upturned phoenix eyes.

Xie Yan’s eyes were exceptionally beautiful, not just because of their rare and distinct color, but also because of their shape. The fold of his eyelids tapered from wide to narrow, tightening gradually at the outer corners like sharp blades or seductive crescent moons. When he smiled, they seemed to hold bubbling spring water, but when he glared coldly, they could make one feel a bone-chilling coldness and sharp hostility.

It was a look completely different from mine.

My eyes were never as sharp as Xie Yan’s; they always had a misty, watery gloss. When pushed to the brink, the corners would unconsciously flush red. So, in the past, when bullies teased me, they’d often mock, "Look, the little lady is about to cry again."

Actually, I wasn’t crying; it was just that my eyelids were too thin, and whenever I got emotional, I’d look timid. I didn’t want to be like that. Ah, if only I were as good-looking as Xie Yan, maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about others bullying me or about Xie Yan finding someone else.

Thinking this, I hesitantly nodded. Xie Yan was the treasure I had guarded for almost four years; I couldn’t let someone else take him away because of my angry words. Taking the initiative to make amends didn’t mean I lost.

After all, in our relationship, it had always been me who yielded, and I was already used to it. Who made Xie Yan so good-looking, so clever, and who saved my life once? Who made me so plain, so foolish, and even broke both of Xie Yan’s legs?

Ah, with circumstances like these, I might never be able to turn the tables and take charge. I always had to do things that involved humiliating compromises.

"Heh." Xie Yan let out a light scoff when he saw my wilted, apologetic reaction, immediately revealing the pride of a victor. He leaned lazily against the back of his wheelchair, one hand stroking my slender waist back and forth, the other propping up his chin. The corners of his lips lifted in a light laugh tinged with smugness, his tone still arrogant. "You say don’t find someone else, so I won’t? Why should I listen to you, hmm?"

"What if I insist on finding someone else? What can you do about it?"

I knew he was deliberately provoking me, but I still couldn’t help the rise and fall of my chest, my eyes misting over. My fingers, hanging at my sides, curled and uncurled as I murmured a rebuttal.

"Then I only casually told the attendant I wanted to see you; I didn’t say it had to be tonight. Why did you rush over in such a hurry, without even time to bathe or change your clothes? Why were you so desperate to come see me? What does that mean?"

"If you didn’t care, you could have not come, or come later. But you were in a hurry to see me, weren’t you?"

"You like me."

"Xie Yan, you like me. Don’t deny it."

"You went to great lengths to capture me, even unnecessarily conquering Yuanzhou, just to seize the Qiu Mansion and use it to threaten me, all to make me stay obediently by your side, didn’t you?"

"You say you only want to sleep with me, then why are you so good to me? Giving me medicine, caring for my health, making sure all the food on the table is what I like. If you just wanted a captive, why bother whether they eat or take medicine?"

I rambled incoherently, saying many things. These were all just my arrogant conjectures, bottled up in my heart for days, finally pouring out now.

I felt ashamed and knew I’d face Xie Yan’s mockery and scorn, but I had already thrown caution to the wind. Anyway, I’ve always been as foolish as a pig, always showing my hand at the start of every game, only to lose miserably in the end.

But so what? At least I was honest with my heart. When I loved, I gave my all; when I stopped loving, I walked away. I tried my best, so I have no regrets.

"Nonsense." Xie Yan suddenly spoke. He straightened up, glaring at me fiercely like a vicious wolf whose intentions had been seen through by a farmer, pondering where to bite into the tender flesh to taste the most delicious heart.

He reached out with a long arm, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me toward him. His thin lips parted and closed as he bit my reddened earlobe. His warm, wet tongue, like a snake’s flickering tongue, instantly claimed my ear, blatantly mimicking a primal rhythm, making my cheeks flush with an unnatural redness.

"Feng Jiuyue, your knack for spouting nonsense has improved compared to before. You used to deceive me into thinking you liked me. Even if your affection was cheap and shallow, it was still worthy of being treasured. You seduced me with amateurish tricks, always batting your watery eyes, pretending to be innocent and clueless, saying you were scared whenever I tried to touch you."

"Clearly, you were the one who provoked me first. In the end, I thought of giving you a chance, but you refused to believe me no matter what."

"Then you told me you liked Xie Xing and didn’t like me at all, conspiring with my dear younger brother to frame me, destroying years of my careful planning and turning me into a complete cripple."

"And now that I have you firmly in my grasp, you put on this act. Have you and Xie Xing cooked up some new scheme? Or have you suddenly decided I’m good again? Trying to move me with your cheap, shallow affection again?"

"Feng Jiuyue, I’ve already told you." He spoke harshly, biting my earlobe fiercely, his cool fingers probing downward to that still swollen, unhealed place.

I endured the pain, my whole body trembling, my hands gripping his lean arms tightly, trying to stop him from going further. But then I heard his near-cruel words.

"From now on, there’s no need to act in front of me, nor to show me your sincerity. If you’re truly possessed by the acting bug and want to put on a show, then use this part of you to properly compensate me."

"The military doctor said you can’t," I cried, gasping for breath, my fingertips digging deeply into the cold, pale skin of Xie Yan’s arms, leaving several crescent-shaped marks. "Xie Yan, it hasn’t even been half a month."

"Oh." His movements didn’t stop. He leaned down to kiss my earlobe, blowing cool air into my ear as he spoke indifferently, "Just fingers."

This was a one-sided humiliation. Xie Yan remained impeccably dressed, untouched by vulgar desire, like a jade Buddha. Meanwhile, I was like a helpless male courtesan in a brothel, so humiliated that even his long, cold-white fingers could reduce me to a dazed, broken puppet.

I don’t know how much time passed. I was drenched in sweat, pain and discomfort spreading throughout my body. I cried and begged Xie Yan for mercy, forcing myself through the discomfort to kiss the corner of his lips. He stared at me fixedly, his beautiful eyes judging whether I truly couldn’t take it anymore.

He withdrew his hand, leisurely took out a handkerchief, and wiped it gently, his voice colder than the autumn wind.

"Feng Jiuyue, stop spouting nonsense about liking or not liking. I do like this body of yours, but that’s all. I advise you not to entertain any other delusions."

"Otherwise," his fingertips lightly brushed the tears at the corner of my eyes, patting my cheek with a humiliating touch, "next time won’t be as simple as today."

I gasped for breath like a fish surviving a storm, frantically blowing bubbles after losing the deep sea. Involuntary tears fell pattering onto my thin robe, leaving damp stains.

Xie Yan no longer needed my affection; even mentioning the past had become a sin. He used thunderous means to block my approach, erecting a high wall in his heart that no one could cross, no one could approach. Because only this way could he avoid being hurt again; he had completely protected himself.

Just contemplating Xie Yan’s thoughts like this made me feel very sad, my heart aching. I couldn’t help but sob. He had once offered me his sincere heart, but it came to nothing, even costing him everything and leaving him crippled. So, it was right that he didn’t want to touch these absurd emotions again.

As the instigator of all these evils, what right did I have to ask him to trust me again? Doing so would be no different from asking Mr. Dongguo to take in a wolf that had once bitten him to death. What would be the point?

Xie Yan’s hand gripped the nape of my neck like holding a mischievous cat. I shamelessly buried my head against his firm chest, crying ugly, my face covered in snot and tears, some even smearing onto his precious brocade robe.

Oh no, I’ve messed up again. I looked bitterly at the ruined clothing, smelling the scent on Xie Yan and panicking. What to do? Xie Yan had groomed himself today to smell even more fragrant than a woman, and I’ve ruined it!

Wait, why is it so fragrant?

Initially, when I was half-asleep, I didn’t carefully identify the scent on him. Later, during the intense exchange, I had no mind to pay attention. But now I realized Xie Yan didn’t just have his usual cold pine scent; there was also a strong, pungent powder fragrance.

That wasn’t a scent belonging to Xie Yan. How closely must two people embrace for this fragrance to transfer onto him?

I abruptly stopped crying, pulled away from Xie Yan, and stared coldly at his indifferent face and his gaudy attire.

Well, that's just great. So when I told him to find someone else, he actually went ahead and did it—and dressed up so finely too. How lovely. Every time he faces me, it’s either dressed like he’s in mourning or looking like the stern King of Hell, but for some girl, he transforms into an ethereal immortal.

Xie Yan, you’re something else.

Suddenly, I remembered his outing on the lake with Jiang Qingling. Heh, Xie Yan probably always liked women to begin with. It was only because I shamelessly clung to him that he reluctantly went along with a relationship he wasn't invested in. Only I was foolish enough to fall deeply into it.

“Why did you stop crying?” Xie Yan asked, amused as he reached out to scratch my chin as if dealing with a misbehaving cat. But with a sharp *smack*, I knocked his hand away. Under his slightly stunned and angry gaze, I slowly spoke, “What’s with the scent of powder and rouge on you?”

“What’s it to you?”

He immediately reached out to pinch my face, his arm like an iron band seizing my waist and pulling me back into his embrace, holding me tightly as he growled, “Didn’t you tell me to find someone else? Now that I’ve granted your wish, what are you making a fuss about?”

“Making a fuss?” I lowered my eyes, refusing to look at him, and instead glared fiercely at the large hibiscus embroidery on his chest. All my tumultuous emotions, pity, and tenderness I felt earlier now seemed like a ridiculous joke. I curled my lips into a cold smile. “You say I’m making a fuss?”

With a sharp *smack*, I slapped Xie Yan hard across his right cheek. He hadn’t expected me to strike so suddenly, and he stared at me with a ferocious glare, his molars grinding like the fangs of a wild beast. Five bright red nail marks instantly appeared on his beautiful right cheek—a truly spectacular sight.

Pressing his tongue against his stinging cheek, he enunciated each word: “Feng. Jiu. Yue.”

“I’m here.”

I coldly withdrew my hand and looked at him with detached composure, as if he were a total stranger. I felt unnaturally composed, and every word I spoke was meant to cut deep.

“Xie Yan, you’re nothing but a stallion who can’t control his urges. I must have been blind to ever fall for you.”

“Get lost. Get out of my sight.” After saying this, I stood up unhurriedly under Xie Yan’s stunned gaze, resolute in a way that was completely unlike Feng Jiuyue. After all, Feng Jiuyue had always been as lowly as dust in front of Xie Yan, but sharing someone’s affection with others? Sorry, I can’t do that.

“You—” Xie Yan hadn’t seen me act so ruthlessly in a long time, and for a moment, he seemed flustered. His tightly clenched fist loosened as he reached out hesitantly to grab the hem of my clothes. “Just hear me out first.”

“Get lost. Don’t ever show your face in front of me again.” I pointed toward the door, leaving him with no dignity.

“Can’t you just listen to me?” Xie Yan lost his temper too, stretching out his arm to grab me. Unable to match his strength, I was dragged back onto him. His arm tightly encircled my waist, pinning me firmly against him as his voice unconsciously softened. “It’s not what you think.”

“Then what is it?” I struggled desperately, my nails leaving several bloody scratches on his face and neck. I roared, “Tell me, how long did she have to sit on your lap for her scent to linger on you like this?”

“Feng Jiuyue!”

“There’s a limit to your willfulness. What do you think you’re doing? Don’t think you can act so entitled just because I still have some patience left for you. Right now, you’re my prisoner. I can do whatever I want to you, and my affairs are none of your business.”

As he spoke, he seemed to remember something, and the viciousness on his face only intensified. The force with which he gripped my hand was enough to crush it. “Fine, since you insist on asking, let me ask you this: you and Xie Xing kissed those times before—did I ever say anything?”

“Why don’t you explain that clearly to me?”

“Xie Yan, don’t think everyone is as filthy and vulgar as you! Those two times you saw, Xie Xing was just close to me—nothing actually happened!” I practically screamed. I stood with integrity and had nothing to fear.

But Xie Yan wasn’t satisfied. He pressed closer and bit my right cheek like a child who had his toy taken away, stubbornly insisting, “It wasn’t just those two times.”

“Feng Jiuyue, I just want to ask you: on Xie Xing’s birthday, why did he kiss your right cheek? What is your relationship? Why did he have to kiss you, of all people?”

“If I hadn’t rebelled in time, would the two of you have already ended up in bed together?”

“Speak! Why aren’t you saying anything? Guilty conscience?”

It was true that something had happened. At the time, Xie Xing and Yu Chou had argued and were giving each other the silent treatment for days. On his birthday, to provoke Yu Chou, Xie Xing suddenly kissed me on the cheek.

I hadn’t had time to react, and I couldn’t remember whether it was my left or right cheek. But how did Xie Yan know? Shocked, I widened my eyes. “You had someone spying on me.”

“So what if I did?” Xie Yan saw nothing wrong with his actions. His face darkened like an impending storm as he continued his interrogation. “Then how do you explain it?”

How laughable. He was the one who let someone sit on his lap, and instead of giving me a reasonable explanation, he was now bringing up old grievances. It’s no wonder he managed to climb from the cold palace to the crown prince’s position—even in the mud, he could turn things around. He was a master of excuses, and though I couldn’t out-argue him, I could turn the tables.

“It’s exactly what you think. Just like you casually let women sit on your lap, I’m just as casual. Xie Xing can kiss me whenever he feels like it. Are you satisfied now?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, Xie Yan pushed me off his lap with such force that my tailbone ached from the impact.

After this heartless act, he looked down at me arrogantly, his light-colored pupils filled with disdain and disgust.

“Sorry, but from now on, my lap isn’t a place for someone as casual as you to sit.”

This time, when he left, he didn’t slam the door angrily as he had before. He left quietly, just as he had quietly arrived.

Even though we had fallen out, my meals were still delivered without reduction. But I could no longer eat—I couldn’t even finish half a bowl of rice. Even when the attendant said he would be punished, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

It was as if I had suddenly come down with some severe illness. I lost interest in everything and often spent long hours staring blankly at the trees outside the window, sometimes for half a day at a time.

Xie Yan didn’t come again. It had already been three days. Everything was fine—the flowers, the trees, everything was fine. But I was not. I smashed all the porcelain in the room to pieces, hiding a shard sharp enough to serve as a dagger before the attendant came in to clean.

Since Xie Yan had found someone else, there was no reason for me to stay. I had to leave. The first step was to deal with the soldiers at the door. I hid the porcelain shard in my sleeve, pressed my back against the door, and prepared to negotiate with the guards when I unexpectedly overheard their conversation.

“Did you hear about the City Minister’s daughter being exiled by the crown prince?”

“Ah, this matter has been the talk of the town these past few days. Probably no one is unaware except for the one inside.”

“The crown prince is truly ruthless. Even though he still needs to cooperate with the City Minister, he forced him to exile his own daughter.”

“Well, who told the City Minister’s daughter to dare entertain ideas about His Highness? At the banquet the other day, she brazenly sat on his lap in front of everyone—so shameless! In our village, she would’ve been drowned in a pig cage for that.”

“What was the crown prince’s reaction?”

“Well, the celestial beauty inside had asked me to relay a message to His Highness, telling him to come back and see her. After I delivered the message, His Highness seemed restless and distracted during the banquet, probably thinking about returning to see his beauty.”

“The City Minister’s daughter was dancing, and when she suddenly danced up to the crown prince, everyone was watching with amusement. But His Highness wasn’t even looking at her—he was lost in thought. By the time he reacted and tried to maneuver his wheelchair back, she had already plopped right onto his lap.”

“I thought for sure His Highness would be gentle with her, given that she’s the City Minister’s daughter and they have to work together in the future. But no—he pushed her off onto the ground without any mercy, not giving her any face at all. The scene was incredibly awkward, and later, His Highness just left.”

“It’s true what they say—even heroes fall for beauties.”

“What beauty? Compared to the one inside, she’s like a fish eye next to a pearl. With such a celestial beauty hidden away, how could His Highness possibly be interested in anyone else? Unless he’s blind, right?”

“Still, as beautiful as the one inside is, her temper is too spoiled. These past few days, His Highness has been discussing defense strategies with his advisors while sporting those scratches on his face. Just imagining it is quite the scene.”

The sharp porcelain shard fell from my hand and clattered to the ground. My heart, dormant for days, suddenly began pounding wildly again.

**Author's Note:**

Xiao Qiu seems like the kind of toxic male lead from those early dogblood novels, always saying things like, "Dressed so provocatively—who are you trying to seduce?"