Chapter 82 “Sorry, I Didn’t Protect You.”

Chapter 82: "Sorry, I Failed to Protect You."

I could never fathom why Xie Yan, despite his heart belonging to another, would engage in such intimate acts with me—acts reserved for lovers. Just like now, as he brazenly embraced me from behind, his cool body and steady heartbeat enveloped me completely, as if I were his most cherished possession.

How utterly ridiculous.

When he did these things, it was no different from being unfaithful to Bai Lanxue. Did she know about his actions toward me? Bai Lanxue must care for him too, yet neither had confessed, unwilling to be the first to speak.

After all, the one who speaks first is destined to be at a disadvantage, forever playing the supplicant. Xie Yan would never speak first—or perhaps he would. Maybe he only enjoyed hurling insults at me, reserving his tenderness for Bai Lanxue.

It was ironic. I had even eagerly rushed to the study several times, interrupting his moments with her. I wondered how he felt then—was he afraid of causing misunderstandings with Bai Lanxue? Did he wish he could strangle me on the spot?

What were he and Bai Lanxue doing after I left the study? Would he offer her a gentle smile? Or would he anxiously explain my interruption to her?

I had no idea.

I found him hypocritical, revolting, and vile. A thousand turbulent emotions surged within me, and that cool embrace became the first spark in a pile of firewood, incinerating whatever rationality and guilt I had left.

I thought, I would break my promise. I couldn’t give Xie Yan a child, nor could I help him stand again. Perhaps someone else was always meant to do these things for him. I had been too arrogant.

Xie Yan had only been close to me a few times, offered me a few scraps of kindness, and I had foolishly dreamed of a future with him. It was an incredibly naive and shallow fantasy. Fortunately, I now saw things clearly. Xie Yan was an exceptional man—whether he wanted it or not, his admirers could form a line stretching from Wengcheng to the capital. How could I ever think he was so pitiful that I was his only option?

Thinking this way, the reluctance and hesitation in my heart were shattered by the sharp reality, crumbling into dust, scattered by the wind, never to be found again.

Xie Yan held me tightly, his forceful embrace seeming like a peculiar habit. Whether before or after his rebirth, he always liked holding me like this from behind, his iron-strong arms forming an indestructible cage, trapping me within. He enjoyed holding me while rubbing his tall nose against my cheek and neck, always giving me the illusion that he depended on me and was reluctant to let go.

I couldn’t help but wonder: Were these actions exclusive to me? Or could they also belong to someone else? Would he treat Bai Lanxue this way in the future?

No, he would probably treat Bai Lanxue even better. There were no lingering resentments between them. Bai Lanxue was so clever, like a beautiful flower who understood him. Their relationship would surely be more sweet and harmonious.

Fine.

I struggled slightly but failed to break free, only provoking Xie Yan’s displeasure.

He clicked his tongue softly, his cool, large hand moving from my shoulder to my waist, complaining, "Why are you squirming? Just let me hold you."

The wind was slightly cool but not chilling. As it gently brushed my face, it carried the faint scent of distant hearth smoke, making me feel drowsy.

Xie Yan was no exception. With a slight adjustment, he lifted me from the daybed and settled me on his lap, his cold, sharp jaw resting on my shoulder. He took a long, deep breath, like a predator savoring its catch. Perhaps the evening breeze was too gentle, softening his usually somber demeanor into laziness. His voice was husky as he asked, "Did you just bathe? You smell nice."

At this, he chuckled inexplicably, his thin lips kissing the corner of my mouth, his red tongue whispering, "You even bathed with flower petals. So delicate."

But I hadn’t used flower petals today. The sticky, foul sensation left by Lei Laohu had made me nauseous. I hadn’t cared about anything else, scrubbing myself with plain water over and over until I barely retained my dignity.

What did Xie Yan know? I felt speechless, all my rebuttals turning into a long sigh on the tip of my tongue.

Now, with Xie Yan’s strong arms wrapped around my waist, my hands were finally free. I reached into my collar and pulled out the letter I had prepared earlier. Without turning around, I stiffly stared at the distant mountains, my arm slightly bent as I handed the letter to Xie Yan.

Xie Yan’s voice instantly brightened. A deep, rumbling laugh came from his chest, lazy yet tinged with pride and pleasure. He teased, "Writing love letters with that scribbly handwriting?"

I didn’t respond, letting him think whatever he wanted.

The sound of paper rustling followed, then a long, heavy silence.

On the distant mountains, countless dark seagulls loomed ominously. The room was unlit, and my vision grew blurry as I strained to see. I blinked hard, feeling a film of tears gathering on my face.

Xie Yan didn’t speak, but I could feel his chest heaving violently, as if he were furious. His breathing grew heavy and dangerous, and the arm around my waist tightened abruptly.

The pain nearly made me cry out. Torn pieces of paper brushed against my face, fluttering to the ground. Firm, cool fingers gripped my chin, forcing me to turn and meet Xie Yan’s furious, bloodshot eyes.

"A letter of divorce? Feng Jiuyue, you dare divorce me?"

He was so angry that veins throbbed at his temples. His grip on my chin tightened relentlessly, as if he meant to tear my jaw off. Like an enraged beast, he bared his teeth and claws, demanding a reasonable explanation.

By now, the sky had darkened completely, everything shrouded in shadows. The swelling and exhaustion on my face were invisible—a small mercy, sparing me the humiliation of exposing my unrequited love.

I struggled to breathe, forcing myself to stay calm. I offered Xie Yan a smile that was almost fawning, trying not to appear overly jealous.

"Isn’t this what you wanted?"

"Once we’re divorced, you can chase after Bai Lanxue with a clear conscience. Aren’t you chasing after her? She’s a good match. I wish you happiness, children early, and a lifetime of love."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Xie Yan released me abruptly. I gulped air like a beached fish, coughing so violently that a thin mist clouded my eyes. Through the haze, Xie Yan looked handsome even through my blurred vision, his sharp eyebrows raised, his expression dark and unreadable, yet simmering with suppressed rage.

"When did I ever say I was pursuing Bai Lanxue? Feng Jiuyue, if you want to dump me, at least find a better excuse."

Hearing this, I gave a hollow laugh.

If Xie Yan hadn’t done something ambiguous or doting toward Bai Lanxue, how could Lei Laohu state it so matter-of-factly? If not for Xie Yan’s tacit approval, how could Lei Laohu have treated me with such contempt, doing all those vile things to me? A terrifying thought occurred to me: perhaps Xie Yan had allowed me to leave the attic precisely because he hoped someone would teach me a lesson, to make up for the humiliation he had suffered at my hands.

I had mistaken his permission to leave as a subtle peace offering. I had always thought he came to me only to sleep and leave, treating me like some worthless toy. He never explained or stayed, but suddenly granting me freedom to come and go, I had naively believed it was a fresh start, eagerly stepping into the trap he had set.

All that joy had been a joke. Perhaps everyone, including Xie Yan, was laughing at me behind my back. This sudden realization felt like a knife to the heart.

"Don’t come here again, Xie Yan."

"You disgust me."

As I spoke, I turned my head away, refusing to look at his anger. But he wouldn’t allow it. After a few ragged breaths, he shoved me down forcefully to the daybed, his rough kiss fueled by a wave of anger. Using his size to suppress my struggles, he stared at me with his beautiful gray eyes, which held a faint, clear glimmer of unshed tears. "You think I’m disgusting?"

"Now you find me disgusting? Now that I’m crippled?"

"Why didn’t you mind when you climbed on top of me a few days ago?"

"Feng Jiuyue, sometimes I truly hate you. The day you died, I hated you the most. I wanted to chew your flesh and bones to pieces, swallow you whole, so I could keep you for myself."

"But you were dead. If I swallowed you, there would be nothing left."

His sharp canines left bloody marks on my face, mingling with the raw, swollen patches from my scrubbing, adding to the lingering sting. My tears never stopped.

Sometimes I wondered why love came so easily to others but brought me such agony. Between Xie Yan and me, there was always an invisible wall. No matter how deafening our love, it could never reach the other. We were like two beasts mauling each other until we were bloody, yet never receiving even a hint of response from the other.

Xie Yan bit my lips like a madman. At first, I struggled wildly to avoid him, but eventually, I grew too tired to resist. I let myself become a fish on a cutting board, allowing the blade to cut me into pieces. But the expected violence never came.

Xie Yan propped himself up, his expression pained and furious as he looked at my tear-streaked face. I must have been a pathetic sight, my face marred by red, abraded skin and the bloody marks left by his bites.

Even at death’s door, I couldn’t resist taunting him, "Why stop? Isn’t this why you come here every time—to do this?"

"The reason I find you disgusting is that you’ve always treated me as a tool to vent your anger. Once you’re satisfied, you can’t even be bothered to stay and sleep beside me."

"It sickens me. Can you just stay away from me?"

The coppery taste of blood lingered on my lips. I ignored it, fixing Xie Yan with a gaze full of hatred.

He leaned close, our breaths mingling. Hearing my words, his anger dissipated in a heartbeat, replaced by a deeper, sharper pain. He drove his fist into the carved armrest of the daybed, his eyes boring into me as if I were a stranger. A fleeting, indescribable sorrow passed through his gray pupils before fading into ashen silence. His demeanor reminded me of the day the royal astrologer said I wasn’t Feng Jiuyue—all vitality drained from him, leaving behind a beautiful but empty shell.

"Feng Jiuyue, you truly have no conscience."

"I regret it."

What exactly he regretted, Xie Yan did not say. He merely left those words faintly behind, dragging his weary look as he headed out the door. The spring breeze rustled the hem of his robe, and as his sleeves billowed, he resembled a lone crane embarking on a distant journey, filled with boundless loneliness and sorrow.

I did not chase after him, thinking only in my heart that this was for the best. The divorce agreement had already been delivered; from now on, we would go our separate ways and find happiness apart.

Though I would not find happiness, seeing Xie Yan achieve his desires brought me a sense of joy. Yet, why did this deep joy conceal a bitter ache, causing my tears to fall drop by drop? I purposely didn't examine the reason.

By the next day, when the servant brought in water, he was startled and asked anxiously, "Young master, why are your eyes so swollen? What happened?"

Naturally, I did not tell him that I had cried miserably all night. Instead, I evasively answered, "Ah, the wind was strong this morning, and sand got into my eyes. I rubbed them a few times, and they ended up like this."

"Oh, I see. Then I'll fetch some warm eggs for you to soothe them." The servant was quite perceptive; though he clearly saw my distress, he did not point it out and simply turned to leave.

After I pulled myself together and the swelling in my eyes subsided a bit, I took Han Feidu's handkerchief and prepared to go out to return it. But before I could leave, the servant came up to me and said, "Young master, there's a General Han Feidu downstairs. He wishes to see you and has asked to meet at the gazebo."

"Alright, I understand."

As I went downstairs, I felt somewhat uneasy, but the guards did not stop me. They stood at attention, looking straight ahead, which allowed me to relax slightly.

It seemed Xie Yan had not revoked my freedom to come and go. This was a good thing. Even though we were separated, if he were to keep me locked in the attic again, I feared I would waste away depressed.

Thinking of this, I felt some regret for the harsh words I had spoken to him the previous day. Those were not my true feelings, but in the heat of anger, people often say things that cannot be taken back.

Ah, how I regretted it. If only I had spoken to him calmly yesterday, perhaps we could have had a cleaner break. In the future, when he married Bai Lanxue, I could even attend the ceremony. Though I was not the one in his heart, witnessing Xie Yan's happiness would have been my own happiness. But now, I had ruined everything.

"Young master, over here, over here!" General Han Feidu had sharp eyes and waved cheerfully at me from afar. Today, he wore a navy blue round-collared brocade robe, looking particularly energetic and sturdy. His grin was hearty, and his teeth were white and even.

Xie Yan never smiled so foolishly.

I shoved down my dark thoughts and handed over the handkerchief, saying gratefully, "Thank you for the handkerchief last time. I've washed it clean. Thank you."

"Ah, not only is it clean, but it also smells lovely."

General Han Feidu looked somewhat flattered, happily tucking the handkerchief into the inner pocket of his robe. He smiled down at me as if looking at a rare treasure.

Feeling uncomfortable under his gaze, I prepared to make a quick escape. "Then I'll be going now."

"Young master, wait. I have something else for you." Seeing that I was about to leave, General Han Feidu, flustered, fumbled through his clothes. After a moment, he pulled out a simply crafted deep purple sachet. "I wonder if the young master still remembers this?"

I blankly took the sachet and brought it to my nose, where I could still smell the soft, elegant scent of monthly roses. This was the sachet I had made for Xie Yan. How did it end up in General Han Feidu's hands? Filled with confusion, I looked up and met his smiling eyes. "How... how did this come to be with you?"

"Oh," General Han Feidu seemed somewhat uneasy under my gaze, his tanned, healthy complexion flushing slightly. He scratched his head and explained carefully, "Young master, you entrusted someone to deliver this to the Crown Prince, right? That person hadn't yet had the chance to give it to the Crown Prince before being sent away on official business. At the time, he didn't get our stories straight. Since the young master had your own plans and preferred to remain anonymous, I didn't dare to deliver it to the Crown Prince."

"Now that I've finally met the young master in person again, I can return it to its rightful owner. I only hope I haven't delayed any important matters." As he spoke, General Han Feidu looked somewhat uneasy, as if afraid I would blame him.

But how could I? It was simply a matter of fate. Clutching the sachet tightly, I merely nodded slightly at him. "It didn't hinder anything. You needn't blame yourself."

"That's good," General Han Feidu let out a long sigh of relief and looked at me intently. Suddenly, he said, "Young master, I have something I want to say to you. Could you stay for a moment?"

Though I wasn't entirely comfortable staying with General Han Feidu, I had no urgent matters to attend to, so I stopped my departure and turned back to ask, "What is it? Go ahead."

"Um, um." Seeing that I had actually stayed, General Han Feidu became even more flustered than ever. His eyes darted around, avoiding my face. After some hesitation, he finally spoke, though his voice trembled slightly. "Young master, I like you very much."

"I liked you from the first moment I saw you. I like your eyes—they're very beautiful, like shimmering stars. I want to see you smile more, not with such a troubled look as now. Young master, could you give me a chance to take good care of you?"

"I'm a General now, with a steady income. I can take very good care of you. I used to write to you but didn't dare express my feelings because I felt my rank was too low to provide you with a good life. But now it's different. Now I can take good care of you, which is why I dare to bring this up."

"Young master, can you accept me? I like you very much and will take very, very good care of you."

General Han Feidu spoke very sincerely. I could see his fingers shaking slightly. Though he was a tall and sturdy man, standing before me, he seemed fragile, as if he would collapse and cry the moment I rejected him.

This was the first time in my life I had been confessed to, and I felt somewhat confused and uncertain. I kept weighing my words in my heart, wondering how to reject him without hurting his sincere feelings. General Han Feidu was very earnest. The time we had met was already blurred in my memory, yet he had remembered me from then. I couldn't tell if I was moved or touched, but I felt he was much like me in the past, both of us harboring a lonely bravery in loving someone.

At this moment, I suddenly understood the meaning of those puzzling letters. They were the clumsy expressions of a man experiencing first love, just like the love letters I had written to Xie Yan.

I should express my gratitude to him properly. With this in mind, I raised my head and looked directly into his brown eyes, saying sincerely, "Thank you very much for your affection. But I'm sorry, I already have someone I like and cannot return your feelings. I truly apologize."

"But I think you are a very good person. You will surely meet someone who belongs to you in the future."

This was the most heartfelt blessing I could offer.

General Han Feidu's eyes reddened instantly. He hung his head as if all his vitality had been drained away in an instant. His tall frame seemed unsteady, and his lips turned pale. He asked me quietly, "Is the person the young master likes the Crown Prince?"

At this point, there was no need to hide it anymore. I nodded gently and smiled bitterly. "Yes, but unfortunately, I share the same fate as you."

General Han Feidu liked me, but I did not like him and could not return his feelings. I liked Xie Yan, but Xie Yan liked Bai Lanxue and could not return my feelings. So I chose to step back, which was also a form of letting go.

Unbeknownst to me, wet patches had formed on the ground. General Han Feidu took a few steps closer to me, his eyelashes damp with tiny droplets of water. He opened his arms pleadingly to me.

"Young master, I really like you. I know I can't compare to the Crown Prince. But in the end, could you please hug me? Just as a little encouragement, alright?"

Should I refuse? Should I agree?

I didn't know. This was the first time I had encountered such a situation, but I could feel General Han Feidu's genuine panic and dejection, much like when I first confessed to Xie Yan, and Yuan Ye and the others burst into laughter, the cold wind and rain of the long street still echoing in my ears.

I did not refuse. I simply took a light step forward and patted General Han Feidu's back soothingly. This hug had nothing to do with romance; it was merely a moment of comfort from one disappointed person to another.

"Your Highness, I told you, this shameless seducer should be locked up. If you don't lock him away, he'll inevitably indulge his lustful nature and go around seducing others, right? Look at this General Han Feidu—he's been completely spellbound, probably even forgetting his own name."

Lei Laohu's sharp, piercing voice reached my ears. I quickly withdrew from General Han Feidu's embrace and turned my head to see Lei Laohu approaching with a malicious smile, accompanied by Xie Yan. The sound of wheelchair wheels rolling over the ground crushed my heart, bringing waves of panicked pain.

My fingers curled nervously, and my eyelashes trembled as I looked at Xie Yan's expression. I saw him staring at General Han Feidu with crimson eyes, his chest heaving like a betrayed beast. His slender fingers gripped the wheelchair armrests tightly, leaving deep indentations.

Xie Yan was very angry. I opened my mouth to explain but heard him snarling, "Feng Jiuyue, so this is the reason you wanted a divorce. Very well, very well."

In the center of the gazebo was a stone table made of several tons of rock, thick and seemingly immovable without five strong adults. But Xie Yan merely raised his palm fiercely and split the stone table in half.

He maneuvered his wheelchair, closing in on me. I was somewhat afraid, my palms sweating. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Lei Laohu's smug face, which only made me more furious. But Xie Yan did not allow me to escape. He reached out his long arm, grabbed me, and placed me on his lap, hurriedly heading toward the attic.

Soldiers along the way stopped to watch us. I was trapped on Xie Yan's lap like a child, lying horizontally. I truly couldn't bear the embarrassment, but Xie Yan paid no mind. As I struggled fiercely, he smacked my rear, his cold words falling beside my ear, "Behave, or I might have you right here in front of them."

I didn't know what Xie Yan intended to do. I only knew he was very angry. Along the way, he spanked my behind raw. The servant, seeing our aggressive approach, turned pale with fear but still obeyed Xie Yan's order to fill a tub of bathwater.

"Xie Yan, let me go. What do you want to do?" I looked at the tub of water, a terrible guess forming in my mind. Before I could ponder it further, Xie Yan threw me into the water. Caught off guard, I choked on several mouthfuls of water, coughing uncontrollably, tears welling in my eyes. "Xie Yan, you bastard."

"Heh, I'm a bastard, and General Han Feidu is so much better?"

"I was wondering why, just a few days ago, you were eagerly wanting to have a child with me, but suddenly yesterday you wanted a divorce. So you've found someone new? Is General Han Feidu that good?"

"Speak!" He grabbed my collar, his words frantic with anger. "You're just disgusted by my disability, aren't you?"

"Otherwise, how could I not measure up to him?"

At this, Xie Yan suddenly let out a sinister laugh. His eyes were naturally cold, and this sinister smile made him resemble a venomous snake baring its fangs, ready to devour you whole. The curve of his thin lips bloomed like a deadly blossom. "Feng Jiuyue, do you believe I can break his legs? Would you still like him then?"

"Would you still dare to hug him then!" His raised voice made my ears ring. Xie Yan's hands were covered with thick calluses, and as he scrubbed my skin, the rough scrubbing brought immediate pain.

The sunlight was just right at that moment. Xie Yan narrowed his eyes, glaring fiercely at the marks on my wrists and the broken skin on my right cheek. Urgently, he asked, "What happened to your wrists and face?"

"Who did this?" Strangely enough, Xie Yan seemed even more furious and terrifying upon seeing the injuries on my body. A thick, black killing intent enveloped him as his fingers dug into the edge of the bathtub, leaving a dent. He turned me over and examined me thoroughly before finally suppressing his rage and carrying me to the bed. A cool ointment was immediately applied to my wrists and face.

Xie Yan was extremely close to me, his warm breath brushing against my face. I could sense he was still angry, yet he restrained his fury and applied the medicine gently to my wounds. After finishing, he let out a long, pent-up sigh and glared at me resentfully. "I will find out."

He gripped my chin and licked deeply and heavily my uninjured left cheek, the slimy sensation reminiscent of the probing of a venomous snake's tongue. His eerie tone was like a demon's whisper. "I will make him pay."

Would he, really? General Lei was his capable right-hand man. Would Xie Yan truly take action against him for someone as insignificant as me? I never believed it.

"Your Highness, General Han Feidu is requesting an audience downstairs. Will you see him?" A servant's voice sounded from outside the door. Upon hearing this, Xie Yan's expression turned extremely grim, darker than gathering storm clouds. He rose to leave, but I urgently grabbed the hem of his robe and explained, "It's not what you think between him and me. I can explain. Please don't hurt him."

"Feng Jiuyue, I won't believe a single word you say from now on." With these words, he bit my lip hard before leaving in anger.

I had no idea what Han Feidu would say to Xie Yan. He had witnessed the entirety of Lei Laohu's bullying that day. If he told Xie Yan, would Xie Yan take my side? I didn't know. Just the thought of that possibility filled me with self-doubt.

That night, when Xie Yan came, I was sleeping deeply. In my drowsy state, I felt myself pulled into a slightly cool embrace, just like countless times before when we nestled close, neck-to-neck. Rubbing my eyes, I groggily opened them and, in the darkness, made out those cold eyes. Thinking it was a dream, I nuzzled against his slender neck and said, "You're here."

Yes, back when we were together, Xie Yan often visited my room at night. But sometimes he came too late, and I couldn't stay awake. When he slipped into my bed in the dead of night and woke me, I would softly say, "You're here."

Xie Yan seemed stunned for a moment before softly replying, "Mmm," and holding me even tighter against him. He carried a faint scent of fire oil. I took a deep breath and frowned. "It reeks."

"I'll go bathe." Only after Xie Yan said this did I fully wake up. It wasn't a dream—the Xie Yan in my dreams wouldn't smell of fire oil; he should carry the faint scent of cold pine. Afraid he’d think I minded, I hugged him and said, "It's fine."

Hearing this, Xie Yan truly stopped moving. Gentle kisses fell on the top of my head, then on my injured cheek and wrist—a series of tender kisses, as if afraid of breaking me. He held my wrist and carefully kissed it.

"Your kisses are tickling my hand. Stop it." I yawned and patted his firm jaw, signaling him to stop, and chided, "Why do you always keep licking like a little dog?"

As soon as I finished speaking, Xie Yan's dark gaze swept over me. He sat up a bit higher, holding me in his arms. My head rested on his shoulder, and a sleepy feeling washed over me. All the usual grievances vanished at that moment. It had been so long since I last slept beside Xie Yan. I missed it so much that I almost felt like crying. In that instant, I forgot all about Xie Yan's excessive actions.

The moon hung on the branches outside the window, and clouds drifted softly across the ink-black night sky. The gentle glow of moonlight fell on the reclining couch by the window, and a light breeze rustled the white window gauze. I heard Xie Yan let out a long sigh, his clear, moist voice resonating in the midnight silence.

"Feng Jiuyue, I won't accept the divorce."

"I never liked Bai Lanxue. Our relationship was just a cooperative one."

"If it bothers you, I won't see him again."

"I never saw you as the kind of wretched person you think you are."

"If you don't like doing it, we won't do it anymore."

"Mmm." I softly acknowledged, suddenly feeling a sense of calm. "Then why don't you sleep with me?"

"I will always sleep with you from now on." As he said this, he kissed my forehead as if he couldn't get enough. "Now it's your turn to tell me: where did all that gold and silver come from?"

"You already know, huh?" It seemed Han Feidu had let it slip. With a bitter expression, I confessed everything. "It was all bestowed by the Emperor. He wanted to curry favor with me and have me become his consort, so he sent me all these things. I was afraid you were suffering here in the lands of the barbarians, so I gave everything to you."

"That old bastard." Xie Yan scowled angrily, as if his treasure had been coveted by someone else, and pressed further, "So marrying Xie Xing was just a front?"

Xie Yan was clever; he didn't need much explanation to deduce the whole story. He always got straight to the point. I could only nod. "Yes."

"Though it might not have been entirely a front. After all, someone as easy as me might just take a second husband."

I deliberately used Xie Yan's own sarcastic words to provoke him. But he magnanimously let it slide, only holding me tighter and coldly commanding, "Sleep."

Though I had lost all desire to sleep, I wasn't about to let him off so easily. I tugged at his robe and chattered incessantly.

"What do you think of Bai Lanxue's looks?"

"Ugly."

"And yourself?"

"So-so."

"What about Han Feidu?"

"If you mention him again, I'll break his legs."

So, in Xie Yan's eyes, I was prettier than Bai Lanxue. After all, I was just average, and Bai Lanxue was ugly. Lost in these random thoughts, I drifted off to sleep. But in my drowsy state, I faintly heard a whisper.

"I'm sorry for not protecting you."