Chapter 31 Schizophrenia (Not) Lu Xiaogou

Chapter 31: Schizophrenia (Not) Lu Xiaogou (Little Dog Lu)

At five in the morning, the city's sky was a leaden gray.

Clouds hung low and oppressive, the air stifling.

Suddenly, a blinding bolt of lightning tore across the sky, followed by rolling thunder that boomed like the roar of a giant beast, making the glass tremble slightly.

Lu Lin stood outside the Qingye Company building, clutching a pillow.

He was still wearing yesterday's clothes, now wrinkled, his hair disheveled.

The bloodshot veins in Lu Lin's eyes hadn't faded, with heavy dark circles beneath them, and he looked utterly exhausted, a complete mess.

Without much hesitation, Lu Lin stepped into the building.

The security guard on duty was dozing off, jerked awake at the sound of footsteps and startled at the sight of Lu Lin.

"L-Lu... President Lu?"

Lu Lin didn't speak, only nodded.

The guard hurriedly used his card to open the door, watching as Lu Lin, clutching the pillow, walked step by step toward the elevators and disappeared behind the closing doors.

The elevator ascended.

The mirror inside reflected Lu Lin's current pitiful and vulnerable state.

But he kept his head down, tightly holding the pillow in his arms.

The elevator stopped at the top floor.

Lu Lin stepped out. The corridor was quiet, lit only by the eerie green glow of the emergency exit signs.

When he reached the president's office door, Lu Lin gently pushed it open.

The office was dark, curtains drawn, only the computer screen emitted a faint blue light.

Lu Lin walked in, his gaze sweeping across the entire space.

Immaculate, flawlessly tidy.

Just like Shen Qingci's office at Tianchen Group ten years ago, consistent in style, orderly and neat.

Lu Lin stood in place, watching for a moment, then strode off to find the private lounge.

The location of the lounge was the same as the one in the former Tianchen Group president's office. Lu Lin found it almost instantly.

He walked to the door, stopped, then slowly pushed it open.

The room was spacious. On the bed, Shen Qingci lay on his side, back to the door, fast asleep.

Another flash of lightning lit up the window, instantly illuminating the entire room.

And illuminating Shen Qingci's sleeping face.

Lu Lin stood there, looking at Shen Qingci's back, his eyes beginning to sting.

He gently closed the door, took off his shoes, and, clutching the pillow, tiptoed to the bedside.

Then, he lifted the covers and lay down.

Shen Qingci had always been a light sleeper.

Half-asleep, he felt someone climb into bed, felt the mattress dip slightly, then a warm body pressed against him.

About to wake fully, Shen Qingci relaxed his guard the moment he caught the familiar scent.

But almost as a reflex, he kicked out.

"Lu Lin," his voice was muffled, thick with sleep, "get out of my bed."

He had said this countless times.

From the first time Lu Lin, at eight years old, crawled into his bed because of a nightmare, to the last time he fell asleep in his bed at sixteen.

Ten years.

He never imagined he'd say it again.

Lu Lin's movements stiffened for a moment.

He didn't get off, nor did he speak. Instead, he moved even closer, burying his head against Shen Qingci.

His arms tightly encircled Shen Qingci's waist.

Like a frightened little animal, clinging desperately to its only source of security.

This action was all too familiar to Shen Qingci.

Ten years ago, on stormy, thunder-and-lightning nights, Lu Lin would sneak into his room just like this, climb into his bed, burrow into his arms, wrap his arms around his waist, trembling all over.

Back then, Shen Qingci would always frown, calling him a "nuisance," but he never actually made him leave.

He would only pat his head and say, "Sleep, I'm here."

Outside, another flash of lightning was followed by deafening thunder.

Rain instantly poured down in torrents.

Bean-sized raindrops hammered against the windowpane, a loud pelting, as if trying to drown the entire world.

Half-asleep, Shen Qingci felt the person in his arms trembling.

Almost instinctively, he raised his hand and gently patted that head.

"Kids are such a nuisance," he muttered softly, his voice muffled and drowsy.

Then, he fell back into a deep sleep.

Lu Lin, his face buried in Shen Qingci's chest as he hugged his waist, froze completely.

Shen Qingci still saw him as a child.

Ten years, and nothing had changed.

Lu Lin's heart clenched as if in a vise, the pain stealing his breath.

But the next moment, he felt Shen Qingci's hand stroking his hair.

Then Shen Qingci drifted back to sleep.

His breathing was steady, completely defenseless.

Lu Lin's tears started falling out of nowhere.

He bit his lip hard, clamping down on a sob, just holding Shen Qingci tightly as if trying to crush this person into his own body.

He knew Shen Qingci saw him as a child—still that boy who needed shelter, needed care, who was afraid of thunder.

But just being able to touch him, hold him, lie beside him like this now...

That was enough, Lu Lin thought.

He should be satisfied.

He should be grateful.

After all, Shen Qingci had come back, after all, he was still alive, after all, he was still willing to let a madman like him get close.

Yet holding the warm body in his arms, smelling the faint, clean woody scent on Shen Qingci, feeling the other's steady heartbeat and breathing.

Lu Lin wasn't satisfied.

How he wished he could break Shen Qingci's legs when he tried to leave, so he could never leave him.

The moment this thought popped into his head, Lu Lin shuddered all over.

He shook his head violently, as if trying to shake off this terrifying idea.

No.

Can't hurt brother.

Brother deserves the best.

Shen Qingci deserves to be treated gently, deserves to be cherished well, deserves to have the life he wants.

But...

Lu Lin raised his head and looked at Shen Qingci's sleeping face in the dim light.

What if Shen Qingci wants to leave?

What if he really leaves in two years?

What if he disappears again, again... dies somewhere Lu Lin doesn't know?

I'll just follow him.

Wherever Shen Qingci goes, he'll follow.

Whatever Shen Qingci does, he'll watch from the sidelines.

Whatever kind of life Shen Qingci wants, he'll help him achieve it.

But is that... enough?

Lu Lin didn't know.

He only knew that the person in his arms was his.

From the moment Shen Qingci picked him up and brought him home when he was eight years old, it was fated.

Mine mine mine.

This voice grew louder and louder, almost drowning out the thunderstorm outside the window.

Lu Lin's breathing quickened.

He lowered his head, pressed his face back into Shen Qingci's embrace, greedily inhaling his scent.

He closed his eyes.

In his mind, two voices were pulling him apart.

One said: To love him is to give him freedom.

One said: To love him is to keep him by your side.

One said: You can't hurt him.

One said: You can't lose him.

Lu Lin's head began to ache, as if it were about to split open.

He held Shen Qingci tightly, his nails almost digging into his own palms.

Amidst this internal tug-of-war, the roar of the storm outside, and the steady sound of Shen Qingci's breathing.

Finally, utterly exhausted and unsettled, he fell asleep.