Chapter 104: Half and Half

Chapter 104: Half and Half

Su Lichen felt that the atmosphere at the dinner table was a bit tense.

He wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say, afraid that anything he said might remind Xu Moxing of something unpleasant and ruin the hard-won atmosphere between them.

Xu Moxing didn't speak either, focusing on his meal.

Xu Moxing didn't find it awkward at all. As he ate, he praised himself inwardly: "Oh my god, this time I cooked way too well. I've exceeded myself. Su Lichen is lucky to get this."

Usually when he ate alone, he only went to such great lengths in the kitchen when he was in the mood.

Most of the time he just made simple home-style dishes, quick to cook, and never spent an hour or two making soup, nor went through the trouble of deep-frying or preparing multiple complex dishes.

Today, to ease his own guilt, Xu Moxing had really put in the effort.

Occasionally Xu Moxing would say, "This is really good. Have more, don't be shy."

For Su Lichen, these words made him even more sad, because "don't be shy" meant that Xu Moxing truly didn't consider him one of his own anymore. Such words were only exchanged between people who weren't close.

In the past, they would even bicker over the last bite of a dish they both liked, chopsticks clashing, but now it had turned into "have more, don't be shy." That was what made Su Lichen sad.

There was nothing Su Lichen could say now. He had no place to say anything, so he could only reply, "Mm, it is really good."

After the meal, Xu Moxing stood up to clear the dishes. Su Lichen also stood up and reached out to take them.

"I'll wash them. You're a guest, just sit and rest for a while. Later we can go see the two kittens."

Xu Moxing avoided his hand and walked straight to the kitchen.

Su Lichen's hand hung in the air, then he withdrew it.

Xu Moxing carried the dishes into the kitchen, placed them in the sink, and turned on the tap, water noisily rushing.

Su Lichen stood still, took a step forward, then stopped and sat back down on the sofa.

After washing the dishes, Xu Moxing dried his hands. "Shall we go now?"

The two went downstairs in silence, and Su Lichen drove to the clinic.

The drive to the clinic took an hour.

It was indeed very remote, feeling like it was outside of Shen City. The clinic was in an alley, with a small storefront, but it was kept quite clean inside.

The clinic had only one doctor and one assistant. The assistant recognized Su Lichen, smiled at him, and asked, "Here to see the two kittens?"

Su Lichen nodded.

The two cats were kept in a small room on the second floor, cages next to each other—the tuxedo cat on top, the tabby cat below.

Su Lichen walked over first, crouched down, and looked at the tuxedo cat. It was lying down, eyes half-open. When it saw him, its tail twitched.

Su Lichen reached in and stroked its head. It didn't rub against his hand, nor did it pull away. It just lay there.

Xu Moxing stood beside him, looking at the tabby cat. It was lying with its chin resting on its front paws, eyes closed, whether asleep or just listless. He reached in and touched its back.

It stirred, lifted its head to look at him, then lay back down.

Xu Moxing finished petting the tabby and then stroked the tuxedo as well.

They had both grown thinner. He could feel the ridges of their spines, each vertebra prominent, thinner than when they were first rescued, and they were still trembling.

Xu Moxing felt terrible for them.

It wasn't his fault, but he blamed himself. Since he couldn't find the person who abandoned the cats, he had no one to blame but himself.

He was the one who had taken them from downstairs, mishandled their rescue, handed them over to Su Lichen, and caused Su Lichen to spend so much money.

They stayed there for two hours, though there wasn't much they could do. The doctor handled the IV drips and injections; they couldn't do anything to help.

They only kept the kittens company, even if they weren't sure the kittens needed it.

More than anything, it was a way to make themselves feel better, to ease their anxiety over the two cats. It was just for their own comfort.

Xu Moxing stood at the clinic entrance, looking into the distance, lost in thought.

Su Lichen stood beside him without speaking. They remained silent for a long while until Xu Moxing finally said, "I hope the two kittens recover soon."

Su Lichen was silent for a while, then said, "Should I drive you back?"

"No need, that would be out of your way. Just drop me off at a subway station that's on your way."

Su Lichen didn't insist. "Okay."

Xu Moxing's prayer was only half answered.

On Monday at work, Su Lichen received a call from the clinic. "The tuxedo cat didn't make it. There was no way to save it. Its condition worsened."

Su Lichen hung up and called Xu Moxing.

Xu Moxing was at the office when he got the call. He was taken aback for a moment.

"Do you want to say goodbye to it?"

"Yes, I'll ask my boss for time off."

"I'll come get you."

"No need, it's out of your way. I'll head straight there."

Xu Moxing got permission and rushed over. Su Lichen was already there.

The tuxedo cat lay there, eyes closed. It could no longer meow and had stopped breathing.

Su Lichen looked at him, his eyes also filled with grief. "He's gone."

Xu Moxing's mind went blank. He stared in a daze at the lifeless kitten.

Its fur was dull, it was skin and bones, so small. It had died in pain, never having had much joy in its short life. It had finally found a relatively wealthy adopter, but before its good days could even start, it was over.

Xu Moxing wouldn't have been so upset over the body of a cat he didn't know.

But this tuxedo cat was one he had cared for for a few days. In that short time, he had taken dozens of photos and videos of the two kittens, bought a lot of cat supplies for the first time ever, and made homemade cat food for them every day.

Xu Moxing stood beside it, staring motionlessly.

He remembered the first time he saw it, in the hallway on the first floor of the rental building. They were huddled together, meowing at anyone who came by, completely unafraid of people.

When you fed them, they'd make little cooing noises while eating, as if they'd tasted something incredibly delicious. It was the cutest sound ever.

After going back and forth for a few days, he took them back. Whenever he was at home, they'd burrow into his arms. Plus, the cat litter hadn't come yet, and they did their business in the corner. He fought back his disgust and cleaned it up.

Later, it got sick, throwing up and having diarrhea. The two lively kittens suddenly became completely lifeless.

It held on for so long, but in the end it didn't make it.

Suddenly he felt a tightness in his throat and a sting in his eyes.

He tried to hold back, but couldn't. Tears fell, one drop, then another.

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but more tears came.

He crouched down in front of the cage, looking at the cat.

It would never move again, never rub against his hand, never scratch at his pant leg. The happy little noises he made at mealtime were gone forever.

It was so small, only a few months old.

He cried silently, tears streaming down without end.

Someone walked past, glanced at him, and kept going.

Su Lichen saw him crying, stood up, and couldn't help hugging him. "Let it out."

Xu Moxing had been holding it together, not wanting to lose control in public, but he was truly heartbroken. He'd been struggling just to hold back and cry silently.

But at a moment like this, once someone hugged him and offered comfort, he couldn't help but fall apart.

Xu Moxing let out a sob, wrapped his arms around Su Lichen's waist, and cried into his chest.

They shared the same grief and wordlessly comforted each other in that embrace—a quiet solace.

Ten minutes later, Su Lichen walked out of the clinic carrying the kitten's body.

Xu Moxing's eyes were red, his nose and lips flushed from crying, as he followed behind Su Lichen.

The good news was that the tabby was doing better and could probably go home tomorrow or the day after.

Not far from the clinic entrance, a guy was chewing out his girlfriend.

"It's just a stray cat. You only picked it up a few days ago. If you'd raised it for a few years, I wouldn't say anything. You haven't even built much of a bond. It died, big deal. I don't get why you're crying over it."

The girl looked at her boyfriend, her eyes filled with disappointment and disbelief.

"How can you say something like that? How can you be so cold?"

They started arguing on the spot.

Xu Moxing totally got how the girl felt—he was going through the same pain.

That feeling of helplessness, frustration, and grief over the fragility of life has nothing to do with "how long you had it."

Even if he'd only rescued it a day ago and it died before his eyes, he would still cry.

Because the moment he rescued it, their lives became connected—he witnessed its struggle and also witnessed its passing.

If it were the body of an unfamiliar cat, Xu Moxing might feel sorry for it, but he wouldn't be this devastated.

No one can mourn every life that ends—if they did, they couldn't survive. This is a normal psychological protection mechanism.

But he had rescued this tuxedo cat. For Xu Moxing, this tuxedo cat was "a specific life." He'd watched a life struggle, fight to survive, and then slip away right in front of him.

He wasn't crying because "a cat died," but because "I saw it die and couldn't do a thing."

It was those specific, un-reducible moments between them — he was crying for the struggle and death he'd witnessed, been part of, and couldn't stop.

But now, Xu Moxing could also understand why the girl's boyfriend would say that.

Some people are naturally born with a higher emotional threshold, or were taught from childhood "don't cry over small things."

He genuinely felt "you've only kept it a few days, the bond isn't deep, it died, so be it." This was his true feeling. Actually, it wasn't heartlessness; it's just that everyone feels differently.

But the mistake this couple made was that not only did they fail to understand each other, but they also blamed the other for not sharing the same level of feeling.

This is a flaw a lot of people have. Xu Moxing used to be like that too, but now he's realized it and is slowly changing.

So Xu Moxing realized Su Lichen wasn't like that guy. He was sad too, but not to the same degree. Still, Su Lichen respected his grief and offered comfort.