Chapter 38: Guilt Doesn’t Mean You Have to Change

Chapter 38, Guilt Doesn't Mean Change

The supplements were picked out together by Xu Moxing and Su Lichen.

They looked into it for several days, asked older colleagues at work with life experience, took into account the ages and health situations of the parents, and read online reviews before finally deciding what to buy.

Xu Moxing was putting in the order, and Su Lichen hugged him from behind as he watched.

"Buying so much?"

"One for my mom too, and one for your parents."

"Alright, you're buying for your mom—should you tell your sister?"

Su Lichen remembered that Xu Moxing had told him earlier about his mother's temperament and their family's complicated dynamics, and couldn't help but mention it.

"Okay, I'll let her know then."

Xu Moxing was worried that his mother would get even more upset with his sister, since she already barely paid attention to her. If he sent gifts first, his mother might become even more unhappy with his sister.

The flowers Su Lichen had ordered had already been delivered, delivered directly to Dong Yuzhen's company via local courier.

The supplements were sent by courier to the home.

On the afternoon the flowers arrived, Su Lichen received a WeChat message.

His mother sent a photo of the bouquet on her desk, with a cup of coffee beside it.

"Son, the flowers got here. They're gorgeous! I admit it—I'm just as ordinary as anyone else. It really is different when someone sends them compared to buying them for myself. My coworkers' compliments really lifted my spirits."

Su Lichen looked at the message, an involuntary smile spreading across his face. "Glad you like them. I picked them out with my partner."

Su Lichen thought for a moment and sent another text.

"I bought you and Dad something. It's being shipped home. Check it out when it arrives. If you don't like it, it's fine to just leave it aside."

There was no reply for a while.

Half an hour later, the phone rang.

Su Lichen answered. His mother's voice came through, laced with laughter.

"Son, what did you and your partner buy for us?"

"Supplements. You can try them. If you don't like them, it's fine to just leave them."

"Haha, good. First, Mom wants to thank you for thinking of us."

Dong Yuzhen first acknowledged Su Lichen's thoughtfulness. Falling in love seemed to have changed him a bit. His partner must have brought out this change in him.

That's a good thing. Her son didn't need to be like them, always thinking about efficiency, usefulness, or need.

"Secondly, if I like them, I'll continue taking them. If they don't agree with me, I'll let you know, so you don't waste more money buying more."

"Okay, I understand. I'll wait for your feedback."

Dong Yuzhen then asked, sounding concerned: "It seems your relationship with your partner is going well?"

"Mm-hmm, pretty good."

"Glad to hear it's stable. Alright, son, Mom has a meeting now. Let me know if you need any help."

After receiving the flowers from her son, Dong Yuzhen said a few unexpectedly tender words.

"Your father and I have always focused on our careers and spent too little time with you. Although you've always understood, we do feel guilty about not spending enough time with you. But remember, we love you. As long as you need it and we have it, everything we've got is yours."

Nothing's perfect. Guilt is guilt, sure, but it doesn't stop them from choosing what they truly want.

Guilt is just an emotion. It can exist in the heart, but it doesn't mean they'll change what they do.

Su Lichen believed that even if his parents could start over, they would still choose their careers.

Many people think that if you feel guilty, you should change. If you don't change, your guilt must be fake.

But Su Lichen knew the guilt was real, and so was the truth that they chose not to change.

People are complex. They can feel they've let someone down in their heart, while still making the same choice the next time they have to decide.

Because for them, that choice had a higher priority—not that they didn't love Su Lichen, but the way they loved him came after their careers.

Su Lichen himself didn't rank his parents as his top priority either. So what right did he have to demand that they put him first?

Even if he put his parents first, he shouldn't demand that they put him first.

One can only demand from oneself, not from others. Demanding things from others gets you stuck.

Looking inward brings endless growth; looking outward brings nothing you can get.

Su Lichen may not reach that level of understanding in other matters, but when it came to his parents' love, he had long understood this truth.

"I know, Mom. I know you and Dad love me very much."

Dong Yuzhen felt a swirl of emotions, but the secretary had already knocked, and a bunch of people were waiting for her at the meeting.

"Alright, Mom, go to your meeting. I heard your secretary knock."

Su Lichen knew how busy his mother was and offered to hang up first.

"Haha, then Mom will go to the meeting. Come home for a meal when you have time."

Su Lichen's family had settled in Shenzhen before he was born. His family originally came from the north, but he rarely went back. He was essentially a local in Shenzhen.

His home was quite far from where he worked. After he started working, he only went home when he needed a meal or had a reason.

Usually, when he went back, no one was home. Both his parents were workaholics, often leaving early and returning late.

After hanging up, Su Lichen stood for a moment with his phone in hand.

Xu Moxing leaned over beside him: "What did your mom say?"

"She said the flowers were beautiful. When the supplements arrive, they'll see what to do. If they can take them, they will; if not, she'll let me know."

"That's pretty good," Xu Moxing said. "Your mom is a nice person."

Su Lichen glanced at him. "Mm."

Su Lichen suddenly felt the flowers had been totally worth it. At least his mother had admitted she'd been lacking.

...

Xu Moxing's family wasn't from around here; they were from the same province as Shencheng and Yangcheng, but lived in a remote little city.

When the package he sent to his family was about to arrive, Xu Moxing let his sister know.

"I sent some supplements to Mom."

Xu Jianqing replied quickly this time: "What supplements?"

Xu Moxing took a screenshot and sent it to his sister.

After a bit, she replied, "Did you tell Mom before you sent it?"

Xu Moxing was caught off guard: "No, why?"

Xu Jianqing didn't reply.

A few minutes later, she sent another message: "It's nothing. It's already sent, whatever."

Xu Moxing thought her reply was weird. After thinking for a moment, he sent a message to his mother.

"Mom, I bought you something. It should arrive in a couple of days. Just keep an eye out for it."

On the morning of the third day, he got a call at work—it was his mom, Shen Qin.