Chapter 123: Times When You’re Also Not Confident?

Chapter 123: Even You Have Moments of Insecurity?

The car had been driving for about forty minutes, and they’d even taken the expressway part of the way.

After exiting the expressway, they drove a bit more, and the road got really bumpy, the car kicking up dust as it went.

On both sides were buildings no higher than six stories, mostly factories and warehouses, all gray and dusty.

“I’m sorry.”

Su Chen apologized out of nowhere.

Xu Moxing turned to look at him, curious why he was apologizing.

Su Chen continued, “I was still texting during our date. I should have taken care of everything before we left.”

Xu Moxing felt he was being too hard on himself. “It's not like you did it on purpose.”

“But that still means I didn't handle it well.”

Su Chen gripped the steering wheel tighter. He didn’t want to say this, but he made himself be honest.

“That's not how you pursue someone. I should put you first, plan everything ahead, and not have you worry about anything. That's the only way I have a chance at winning you over.”

Xu Moxing listened as he leaned back in his seat.

A road sign flashed by outside the window. It read “Guangming Industrial Park,” white letters on a blue background, a little faded.

“What you’re describing is a performance.”

Xu Moxing shot back.

Su Chen glanced at him briefly, then turned his eyes back to the road.

Xu Moxing looked ahead, his tone gentle.

“Pursuing someone is a process of mutual understanding, and also a process of showing sincerity. If you act too perfect, what I see isn't you—it's just a role you're playing.

Of course, pursuing someone is like an interview—you can package yourself appropriately, but you can't pretend to have something you don't.

Even if we end up together, you can't keep the act up forever. If I realize you're different from before, won't we just break up again?”

Faking and packaging aren't the same thing.

Faking is showing traits you don't really have.

They can’t last, because the person faking has to keep up the act all the time.

Once the relationship settles into daily life, they lose the motivation and energy to keep acting, and their true self shows through.

For example, if Su Chen hates doing housework but lies to Xu Moxing that he loves it and will handle all the chores, that’s faking.

But if he can clumsily learn to do chores for the relationship, awkwardly cleaning up—and maybe after you're together, he'll sometimes want to slack off and skip cleaning, that’s packaging.

Su Chen said nothing. The tires thumped rhythmically over the seams in the road.

“I’d rather you not pretend to be so perfect from the start. Just be yourself. If you're busy, you're busy. If you messed up, you messed up. I don't need you to be perfect—I need you to be real.”

The car fell silent for a moment.

Su Chen gripped the wheel, staring at the road ahead, the rows of factories sliding past one after another.

Xu Moxing brought up the past on his own—he didn't see it as something off-limits.

“You weren't like this in college. Back then you pursued people with so much confidence. Why are you so hesitant this time?”

Su Chen, on the other hand, didn't want to bring up the past, especially now that he was trying to win Xu Moxing back. Bringing it up might remind Xu Moxing of bad memories, which wouldn't help him win Xu back.

Su Chen was quiet for so long that Xu Moxing thought he wouldn't answer.

Su Chen drove into an industrial park, parked the car, and only then said something.

“Because college was different from now. Back then, I had a crush on you, and I approached it with the mindset—even though I was the one pursuing, I wasn’t begging you to be with me. We were equals. I was just the one who took the first step to invite you to connect with me. If you said no, I’d be sad, but I wouldn’t be devastated.

But this time is different. I'm afraid of losing you again and I'm constantly worried, so I force myself to get everything right.”

Su Chen honestly and openly told Xu Moxing how he felt.

In college, Su Chen never thought of pursuing someone as beneath him.

Some people might think the person being pursued has the “right to choose” while the pursuer can only “wait to be judged.”

So the pursuer tiptoes around and pampers, while the pursued looks down and “tests” them.

In that model, pursuit really does become groveling, because it was never equal from the start.

But that model is wrong. Wrong because the “pursued” sees being liked as leverage, and wrong because the “pursuer” treats their own feelings as a weakness.

In college, Su Chen admired Xu Moxing, so he wanted to get close to him.

Xu Moxing had the right not to like Su Chen, but he could also be drawn to him.

It wasn't a favor given by one to the other—it was the free choice of two independent individuals.

Pursuing is about showing who you are, inviting the other person in, and respecting the result.

Let the other person see your strengths, your sincerity, your life.

The pursuer isn't begging—they're presenting themselves.

Inviting the other person to get to know you, to spend time with you, to come into your life.

What if the other person says no?

That's their right, not a sign that you failed.

I like you, but you don't have to like me back.

That’s fine. Your rejection doesn't make me feel lesser, because my worth isn’t determined by you.

But all of this depends on an equal relationship. Right now, in Su Chen's heart, their relationship is not equal.

The pursuit before a relationship is an equal showing of attraction.

Pursuing someone again after a breakup is a tough process of rebuilding trust.

Now he's afraid of losing him, terrified that if he doesn't perform well, Xu Moxing will give this relationship the death sentence.

He has no backup plan. If the second trial results in a death sentence, he won't get another appeal.

This is why many people would rather start a brand new relationship than try to win back an old flame.

Because creating something new is always simpler and happier than fixing something broken.

And even if both parties have thought it through and made the decision, even if the process of fixing is relatively healthy and normal, that sense of inequality and inferiority is still unavoidable, which drains most of one's courage and energy.

Xu Moxing was stunned by Su Lichen's words—this was a sense of insecurity Su Lichen had never shown him before.

He had always thought of Su Lichen as a truly outstanding and confident person, as if he could handle anything well and think things through clearly.

So even he had such an anxious and insecure side?

"It's okay. As I said, we both made mistakes. The fact that I'm willing to give you a chance means I'm also willing to fix this relationship. Even if we don't end up together, it's our shared failure, not yours alone."

Upon hearing these words from Xu Moxing, Su Lichen hated his past self countless times over—why was he so arrogant and foolish to lose such a wonderful boyfriend?

His eyes stung a little. To hide his emotions, he opened the car door and got out.

Xu Moxing also got out, and they went together to the warehouse Su Lichen had rented.

The building had only two floors, and even so Su Lichen only rented the second floor; the first floor was a warehouse for another company.

Xu Moxing followed him up the freight elevator. There were people working overtime in the warehouse. When they saw Su Lichen, they greeted him: "Mr. Su."

"Mm."

Su Lichen took Xu Moxing to his office. The conditions here were indeed much more basic compared to the previous office building.

Though they called it a company, it was really just a large warehouse. Two small rooms were partitioned off as office space, and the rest was storage.