Chapter 64: Testing the Waters

Chapter 64: Testing the Waters

When he got home, Su Lichen hadn’t returned yet, and the living room light was off.

Xu Moxing took off his shoes, walked in, and sat down on the sofa without turning on the light. He just sat there.

Leaning back against the sofa cushion, he closed his eyes, his mind blank, thinking of nothing.

This had become a small habit of his since breaking up with Su Lichen and living alone: after coming home from work, he would first sit in the dark, treating himself like a piece of furniture, recharging his batteries.

After a while, he heard the sound of the door opening.

Su Lichen came in and, seeing him sitting in the darkness, stopped short.

“Why didn’t you turn the light on?”

“Forgot.”

Su Lichen switched on the light, and the brightness flooded in, making him squint his eyes. Su Lichen took off his shoes, walked over, and sat down beside him.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes.”

“What about you?” Xu Moxing asked out of courtesy.

“Had dinner with the supplier.”

“Mm.”

The two sat there, neither speaking.

About working late—in the past, Xu Moxing would have asked how late he’d be working, and shown concern for many details, but now he couldn’t be bothered to ask anymore.

The TV wasn’t on, and the living room was quiet. Su Lichen reached out and pulled him closer.

He didn’t resist, leaning against Su Lichen’s shoulder.

Su Lichen lowered his head, his lips brushing against Xu Moxing’s forehead—so light, like a feather grazing skin.

Xu Moxing kept his eyes closed and didn’t move.

Su Lichen ran his fingers through Xu Moxing’s hair, gently pressing.

“Tired?”

“I’m alright.”

Su Lichen’s hand paused for a moment, then pulled it back and rested it on his knee.

Xu Moxing noticed the movement but didn’t open his eyes. After a moment, he stood up.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Mm.”

Su Lichen watched Xu Moxing’s retreating figure, his brow furrowing.

Xu Moxing walked into the bathroom, closed the door, and stood at the sink, looking at himself in the mirror.

His hair was a bit messy from Su Lichen’s touch. He smoothed it down with his fingers before starting to shower.

Turning on the faucet, hot water rushed over him as steam slowly rose, clouding the mirror until he couldn’t see his reflection clearly. He stood under the water, eyes closed, thinking of nothing.

The hot water ran for a long time, until his skin turned red. He turned it off, dried himself, put on his clothes, and went out.

Su Lichen was on the sofa, looking at his phone. Hearing Xu Moxing’s footsteps, he glanced up.

“Hey Mo, you want to talk?”

Xu Moxing looked at Su Lichen, stopping on his way to the bedroom, and walked over.

“What’s up? What do you wanna talk about?”

“Has anything happened to you lately?”

“No, why?”

Xu Moxing played dumb. Just as he knew Su Lichen well enough to spot his small lies, Su Lichen knew him just as well.

When Xu Moxing wasn’t being honest, he couldn’t look Su Lichen in the eye. Normally, unless they were hugging, Xu Moxing always looked him in the eye when speaking.

Xu Moxing’s attitude made it clear he didn’t want to talk.

“Alright, as long as you’re okay.”

Su Lichen didn’t push him. Maybe in a few days, when Xu Moxing couldn’t hold it in anymore, he’d tell him.

Su Lichen knew Xu Moxing too well—he was someone who loved to share everything. Eventually, he’d spill.

Xu Moxing kept a straight face as he sat on the sofa. “Actually, I’m curious about something and really want to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“You said before my memory loss, we had a really big fight. What was it about? Last time, I didn’t get to ask you that.”

Su Lichen was silent for a moment. “It’s complicated—not something I can explain in just a few words.”

“Oh, okay then.”

Xu Moxing didn’t press further, letting it slide for now. Pushing too hard might make him suspicious.

Su Lichen was still dealing with work, so Xu Moxing stood up. “I’m really tired today. I’m going to bed. You do your thing.”

Winter is the best time for sleeping—anywhere outside the covers was no place for a human.

Xu Moxing lay in bed, scrolled on his phone for a while, and soon felt sleepy.

He slept soundly, while Su Lichen kept working. When he was done, he even texted Xu Jianqing.

“Has your brother reached out to you in the past two weeks?”

Xu Jianqing, who was also busy working and building her career, replied after a while: “No, why?”

“Nothing.”

Xu Jianqing didn't believe it and directly called him up, "What's wrong with my brother? You wouldn't suddenly ask that if nothing was wrong."

"Nothing major, just asking casually."

It really didn't have much to do with Xu Jianqing. This was about Su Lichen and Xu Moxing's relationship, and Su Lichen didn't want Xu Jianqing to know too much.

"Alright."

"Don't ask your brother. Forget it, suit yourself. He probably won't tell you anyway."

Su Lichen figured that if Xu Moxing wouldn't even tell him, he certainly wouldn't tell Xu Jianqing.

When Su Lichen returned, the bedroom light was on, but Xu Moxing was already asleep. The quilt was tucked in tightly, like a camping sleeping bag, with only his head poking out.

But his sleeping posture was curled up. Su Lichen suddenly thought of a saying: people who like to sleep curled up often lack a sense of security.

Su Lichen took a deep breath, turned off the light, and climbed into bed in the dark.

In the darkness, he heard Xu Moxing's breathing—very light, very even.

Because it was too cold in winter, the two of them used separate quilts; otherwise, drafts would always get in.

About an hour after Su Lichen fell asleep, Xu Moxing woke up.

Ever since he broke up with Su Lichen, he had needed the light on to sleep well. Once the light was off, he would easily wake up.

After his memory returned, he went back to being like this again, but he didn't show it in front of Su Lichen.

Anyway, in the mornings he always woke up early. Xu Moxing turned on his phone's flashlight and only gradually fell asleep under its faint glow.

A few days later, Xu Moxing brought some food to Sister Zhou, and Sister Zhou gladly accepted it.

On the weekends, Xu Moxing stopped going out with Su Lichen.

He either stayed home studying for certification exams or said he was going out to meet up with friends.

Xu Moxing used to basically never go out with colleagues unless he got along very well with them.

But now he didn't care. If lovers and family couldn't be relied on, then what harm was there in casually hanging out with these superficial colleagues who only invite him to dinner as a token gesture?

If no one opened their hearts or spoke their true feelings, he thought all relationships were about the same—just personality differences that might cause friction and incompatibility.

Su Lichen happened to be busy lately too, with no time for closeness with Xu Moxing.

This state between them lasted until the week before the Spring Festival.

The New Year was approaching.

The company issued the year-end bonus. Xu Moxing was taken aback when he saw his pay slip—it was more than he had expected.

He glanced at Xiao Ke, who was also looking at her pay slip, a smile curling at the corners of her mouth.

He turned back, put his phone on the desk, and continued working.

In the afternoon, Sister Zhong passed by his workstation and paused.

"Did you bring it up with the director during the year-end review?"

"Not yet. The director hasn't called me in yet."

"Hurry up. Get this settled before the New Year, and your raise will come after."

Sister Zhong finished speaking and left.

Xu Moxing sat there, staring at the computer screen.

He wasn't good at this kind of thing—talking about salary, asking for a number, saying "I think I should be paid more." He was very embarrassed to bring it up.

He was always afraid that if he raised it, he would be denied. He felt he hadn't done well enough, thought that if the boss didn't give him a raise, that was the boss's business, and that it would be awkward if the boss said no after he asked.

He recalled a sentence Su Lichen had told him when he had amnesia: "Don't sell yourself short. As long as you handle it, that's a success."

Xu Moxing sent a message to his boss: "Director, when are you free? I'd like to have a chat with you." The boss replied quickly: "Now. Come over."