Chapter 60: I Don’t Need Your Pity

Chapter 60: I Don't Need Your Sympathy

After the party ended, it was only three in the afternoon. The weather was nice, the scenery outside the car window was beautiful, and it was the first day of the new year. All of this should have put Xu Moxing in a good mood.

They had made it through another year together, welcoming the new one—everything was full of hope.

Xu Moxing shut his eyes tight, leaning against Su Lichen's shoulder. A tear slipped from the corner of his eye, but…

His mind was now entirely filled with the memory of the day they broke up.

The breakup wasn't an impulsive decision. In the six months leading up to it, the thought had crossed his mind countless times, through so many days and nights.

It was only on that day that he finally said it out loud.

That day, Xu Moxing asked Su Lichen, almost calmly, "If I annoyed you, why didn't you just tell me? If you had such strong opinions, why couldn't you even give me an honest word?"

Su Lichen remained silent.

He didn't think he had done anything all that wrong. To him, Xu Moxing was using him like a trash can, dumping all his feelings.

Xu Moxing kept pushing him, kept trying to communicate, but Su Lichen felt there was nothing to talk about—these weren't problems that could be solved by talking.

It was Xu Moxing's personality; it couldn't just change overnight.

And in the days since Xu Moxing had noticed this, he had tried hard to change, but hadn't he still failed?

Su Lichen was silent for a long time.

This time, Xu Moxing wasn't going to let it slide. He wasn't going to pretend nothing had happened. He waited.

Finally, Su Lichen said, "You're too negative. Deal with it yourself."

Su Lichen stood up and walked away. The door closed with a soft click.

Xu Moxing sat on the sofa for a long time. He felt his heart pounding, his hands numb.

Two hours went by. Su Lichen didn't come back.

During that time, Xu Moxing didn't change his position. He sat as still as a statue.

Xu Moxing finally faced reality. He decided to end things.

Su Lichen came back in the evening, carrying takeout.

Xu Moxing happened to be walking out of the kitchen with a stir-fried dish. When he saw him, he just said calmly, "Want to eat together?"

"Yeah, sure."

They ate in silence. Su Lichen voluntarily cleaned up the dishes.

Xu Moxing didn't say anything. He got up and took a shower. When he came out, Su Lichen was in the living room on a video call with a client.

He was speaking English. Xu Moxing couldn't understand most of it. He quietly went to the bedroom. His luggage was already packed. He wanted to double-check he hadn't forgotten anything—he didn't want to have to bother Su Lichen later.

Once the living room fell silent after Su Lichen's magnetic English, Xu Moxing came out with his suitcase, struggling to control his emotions, pretending to be calm.

Right, how could he be calm?

Xu Moxing had considered Su Lichen his closest person, yet that closest person had complained to his friends that he was a "psycho," said he was only tough at home, that he would repeat the same story several times and they were sick of hearing it, that "I know what he wants to hear, but I don't want to say it"…

And then topped it off with, "So what if he knows I badmouthed him? I don't care either way."

How could he not be hurt after all that, one thing after another?

Facing the truth didn't stop the pain.

"A Li, let's break up."

Su Lichen looked up at him but said nothing.

Xu Moxing looked into Su Lichen's eyes sincerely.

"I'm sorry for making you unhappy for so long. I know an apology probably doesn't help, but I mean it. I owe you an apology. The furniture was bought together, and you paid extra for some high-quality pieces, so there's no need to split assets.

Since I've enjoyed it for so long, I'm actually the one who took advantage. Everything stays with you. I'll leave the joint card with you too—consider it my material apology.

I've packed all my things. I shouldn't need to trouble you again. I won't say any good wishes. Let's part amicably."

"Are you sure?"

Su Lichen looked at Xu Moxing, standing at the bedroom door with his suitcase, his tone equally calm.

Xu Moxing felt that even when he brought up breaking up, Su Lichen's tone was so indifferent. He hated his own sadness and also realized, once again, that the other person really didn't care.

Their intimacy was one-sided. He wasn't Su Lichen's closest person—maybe he ranked very, very low.

Xu Moxing desperately comforted himself: it's normal. A Li has good parents, close friends since childhood, and many, many ordinary friends. He always knows how to keep them separate.

To him, love was just a seasoning, easily replaceable. Someone like me, a negative little lover, isn't that important. It's normal.

Xu Moxing kept telling himself to face reality, to accept that he wasn't that important in the other person's heart. Then he nodded firmly.

"I'm sure."

"Have you found a place to rent?"

Xu Moxing no longer fooled himself into thinking this was concern. Maybe it was just a casual question.

Xu Moxing's first instinct was still to tell him his plans—like staying at a hotel first, then slowly looking for a place. He had already quit his job and planned to move to Yangcheng. The cost of living in Shencheng was too high; changing cities seemed like a good idea.

But none of it mattered. The other person didn't want to know. Saying too much would just be annoying. So he just said, "If I have money, I won't lack a place to stay."

Su Lichen nodded. "Actually, you don't have to leave right away. You can stay for now, find a new job and a place, then move out. It's fine."

Xu Moxing shook his head firmly. "No, thanks. But thank you for being considerate."

Su Lichen said nothing more. Xu Moxing dragged his suitcase to the door. He took one last look at Su Lichen, who was tapping on his phone, probably handling work.

In the end, Xu Moxing couldn't help saying, "A Li, if only we could go back five years. But time can't turn back."

Xu Moxing gently closed the door and left the apartment he had lived in for four years.

If only we could go back five years. I wish I hadn't made you my closest person. I wish I hadn't poured everything out to you without reservation. Maybe then you wouldn't have found me so negative. Maybe then we could have made it to the end.

But time can't turn back. And even if it could, I don't know if I could have handled our relationship as calmly and stoically as you did—sometimes with near-cold indifference.

Now he understood.

He remembered it all. Those images surged in like water, impossible to stop.

He even hated himself for having lost his memory, and that the first person he thought of after regaining it was Su Lichen.

And why did Su Lichen lie to him? After his leg injury healed, Su Lichen could have told him that they had actually broken up.

But Su Lichen didn't say it. So what was his purpose in all of this?

Out of pity for him? Out of kindness? To take care of him? Honestly, he didn't need that pity.

In the nine months since the breakup, he had grown accustomed to handling everything himself and processing all his emotions on his own.

He had turned himself into an island, but not a literal island.

He had colleagues he could exchange a few words with, friends he could meet for a meal, but he no longer opened his heart—only engaging in superficial interactions.

But this was fine too; he wouldn't get hurt anymore.

After going through what happened with Su Lichen, he realized that no one in this world would unconditionally tolerate him, accept his negative energy, and take on his emotional burdens.

People can only rely on themselves to process their emotions; they shouldn't invest their feelings solely in one person.

And Su Lichen's pity made him seem even more pitiable now that his memory had returned.

He leaned on Su Lichen's shoulder, gripping his sleeve so hard his knuckles turned white.