Chapter 43: Love Is Mutual

Chapter 43: Love is Mutual

Xu Moxing decided he still needed to clear the air.

"I really can't help you with your company matters, but as your partner, I think it's still very important to share how you're feeling in the moment.

Because I don't know what's going on with you—whether you're happy or upset today. Sometimes I might be in a bad mood too, and if you're also in a bad mood, if I tell you something negative, it will only make things worse.

If I knew you were in a bad mood, I wouldn't share those unhappy things with you. I'd try to cheer you up instead."

From a physiological and psychological perspective, almost no one can go without sharing stuff.

Talking isn't just about solving problems—it's a fundamental way humans connect emotionally.

What Xu Moxing wanted in a relationship was to share happiness and tough times together. He believed that was true intimacy, not just surface-level.

Wanting to get close to the person you love is instinct.

But he didn't know what the right balance was. When things were positive, it was fine. But if there's too much negativity, the other person gets worn out too.

"I know what you want. I'm sorry I wasn't able to give it to you before."

Su Lichen had known for a long time what Xu Moxing wanted, but in the end, he still couldn't do it.

It was precisely because Xu Moxing held nothing back that Su Lichen subconsciously believed Xu Moxing would never leave him. So he got lazy and took their relationship for granted.

Xu Moxing stared right at Su Lichen. "Be honest—when I tell you about my family issues, do you find it annoying?"

"..."

Su Lichen didn't rush to deny it. Between them, there was no need to lie for saving face or whatever.

Lies told to spare the other person's feelings could create misunderstandings, and then next time Su Lichen would be annoyed again. That's not being thoughtful, that's just enabling.

Back when they ended up breaking up, it wasn't just Xu Moxing's fault. Su Lichen had his own issues too.

"Mm."

Su Lichen gave a soft "mm."

He added, "It's not that I'm annoyed at you. I'm annoyed at the things themselves—the constant feeling of helplessness."

"Your family issues are always there. You talk about them today, tomorrow, the day after—still the same stuff. After hearing them so often, I start thinking, 'Why is it always the same thing?'"

Xu Moxing listened silently.

Su Lichen looked at him. "I'm not saying I never want to listen. But if I hear it too much, I start to feel... like there's no point."

They were quiet for a moment. Then Su Lichen asked him, "I was just about to ask you. How did you pick up on that?"

Before Xu Moxing lost his memory, he never noticed... No, maybe he did notice, but he didn't know what to do about it. There's a big difference between knowing and actually doing.

Xu Moxing lowered his eyes. "Because of my mom, because of my sister, because of my new colleague Xiao Ke. I saw myself in all of them... Or rather, my sister and I—in some ways—both have a shadow of my mom."

"She controls us by constantly putting us down, criticizing, and lecturing us, making us feel a persistent sense of guilt."

"These traits—I felt them when Qimei came to see me after I got discharged."

"And I have my mom's shadow too. Complaining, constantly complaining—to the people closest to me."

It was because of the new colleague Xiao Ke that I realized you might also get tired of hearing it after a while, because Xiao Ke is always talking about her boyfriend. At first, I didn't feel much, but after hearing it so many times without being able to change anything, there was a sense of helpless, powerless frustration.

I started getting annoyed too, but I didn't feel right telling her I didn't want to hear it. That's when it hit me: maybe you hadn't told me you didn't want to hear it either.”

Su Lichen didn't speak.

Xu Moxing looked at him and suddenly said, “I’m sorry.”

Su Lichen froze for a moment. “What?”

Xu Moxing lowered his gaze again. “Always going on about the same miserable stuff, even though I've already told you before. I'm sorry. I can't move past it myself, and I've made you miserable right along with me.”

Xu Moxing continued his self-reflection. “I used you like a dumping ground before. It wasn't on purpose, or maybe it was just thoughtless. I didn't want to cause you negative emotions; I just didn't think much. But I really… dumped too much on you.”

“Occasionally dumping a little is fine.”

Xu Moxing looked up at him.

Su Lichen looked at him, his lips twitching. “But you can't dump it on me every day. I can't take that either.”

Xu Moxing was amused by him.

“Okay.”

“You could have told me directly. After all, our relationship isn't as fragile as the one I have with my coworker Xiao Ke. If I realize I've messed up, I'm willing to fix it.”

“Yeah, I should've said something.”

Su Lichen thought back to how he used to be—bottling things up, dealing with it passively, and ending up hurting both of them. At first, he even thought it was Xu Moxing's fault.

But he was also an accomplice. He figured adults were supposed to just know these rules, but who says adults have to know any rules?

Judging whether someone is sensible or mature based on some vague, unspoken standard—that's way too arrogant.

When someone close to you says that, it means they don't want to bother explaining. They use a seemingly correct statement to skip the responsibility of explaining, which is basically dodging the responsibility of real communication.

“I can change. But if you don't tell me, I won't know. I thought you didn't feel anything about it.

But you've gotta tell me when I'm calm. Don't bring it up when I'm already in a bad mood. When I'm upset or emotional, I'm not very rational, and I won't be able to take it in.”

Xu Moxing knew his own flaws, so he added another sentence.

“Haha, okay, got it.”

“But sometimes I might still be super negative. I can't quite keep it in check. I'll slowly adjust. If you get annoyed, just squeeze my hand.”

Xu Moxing is the kind of person who carries a ton of negativity and is really pessimistic, but he's not stubborn. He's sensitive and good at seeing things from other people's perspective, so he is very willing to change.

But if someone just told him to stop being negative, he couldn't do it.

This way of thinking comes from his nature and how he grew up. It's not something you can just switch off on demand.

He can only slowly work on being more positive, and that'll take a long time.

“Yeah, I understand.”

Su Lichen squeezed his hand.

Xu Moxing lifted their interlaced hands and kissed the back of Su Lichen's hand.

Su Lichen was also afraid he might forget, so he added.

“Me too. Sometimes I forget to communicate with you. Don't get impatient, okay? Just squeeze my hand.”

“Mm!”

Su Lichen looked at Xu Moxing's smile and suddenly spoke again.

“There’s one more thing.”

Xu Moxing waited for him to speak.

“Sometimes you take too many things too seriously.”

Xu Moxing didn’t understand.

Su Lichen continued, “You think everything's important, everything can affect you. Today Mom calls, tomorrow work goes wrong, the day after a colleague says something—all of it can make you miserable all day long.”

He looked into Xu Moxing’s eyes.

“If you think everything's important, then everything can hurt you.”

Xu Moxing fell silent.

“Some things are actually not that important. You need to figure out what matters most.”

Xu Moxing thought about it. “What if I can't figure it out?”

“If you can’t figure it out, then keep your distance. Spend less time with people who upset you, and think less about things that upset you.”

Su Lichen paused. “That includes stuff with your mom. If you can’t help, stop thinking about it. She doesn’t want to change, and thinking about it is useless. You only end up hurting yourself.”

Xu Moxing listened, suddenly recalling Xu Jianqing’s words—Do you want to die with her in that mess?

He nodded. “Got it.”

“You’re not the only one who feels bad. I do too, because you tell me about it.”

“Haha.”

Even at a moment like this, Su Lichen didn't forget to crack a dry joke to lighten the mood.