Chapter 46: Speaking Reinforces Memory

Chapter 46: Talking Reinforces Memory

Su Lichen came home from work and saw him sitting on the sofa, staring blankly.

"What's wrong?"

Xu Moxing looked up, wanting to tell him about his mom's call. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped.

He remembered this was the same old topic again. Su Lichen would surely find it boring, and last time they'd already agreed not to keep talking about the same negative stuff.

"Nothing," he said.

Su Lichen glanced at him but didn't ask further.

A few days later, Xu Moxing realized that after not talking about it, those things didn't feel as heavy anymore.

He recalled that in the past, happy things were fine, but the bad things kept getting brought up. Talking about them did provide some emotional relief in the moment, but when they happened again, it hurt even more.

But sometimes, when you're sunk in an emotion, it's really hard to get out. You need something to break the cycle.

Talking itself is a form of active recall and processing.

When you say it out loud, you live through it again, strengthening the memory.

He wasn't simply "repeating"—he was "re-enacting." Every time he spoke, he re-experienced the emotions of that moment, and possibly added new feelings based on the listener's reaction.

It could be grievance, the feeling of being understood, or even more anger.

But what talking reinforces isn't necessarily the event itself, but "his emotions about it" and "the way he tells it." It's not the truth—it's his undigested emotions.

Every time he talks about it, he’s telling his brain: “This is important, remember it.”

A memory that's repeatedly recounted strengthens the neural connections.

Xiao Ke’s and her mom’s way of talking were both types of emotional rumination.

Repeated complaining, stuck in the feelings of "I'm so miserable" and "He's so bad," always saying the same things with no progress.

This kind of talking makes your brain more skilled at activating those negative emotions, creating a vicious cycle.

Once this circuit is formed, it takes a long time to break free, and you have to truly decide to change. Your brain also needs to be taken care of.

He suddenly kind of understood why Su Lichen never used to say much.

It wasn’t coldness—it's that with some things, talking about them is useless. Better to just let them slowly fade away on their own.

But you also can't keep everything inside, because occasional venting—without too much complaining—still has some negative emotion, but after you share it with someone, it actually helps you bond.

Complaining about someone or something can reveal each other’s views on that person or thing. It’s a way to get to know each other.

...

Two days before National Day, Xu Moxing started packing.

Su Lichen watched from the side, occasionally reminding, "Bring a jacket," "It gets cool by the sea at night."

Xu Moxing answered while packing, feeling a bit excited.

He looked up at Su Lichen.

Su Lichen was scrolling on his phone, not sure what he was looking at.

The living room light fell on his face, making one side look soft.

Xu Moxing thought, this kind of life is really nice.

People are happiest when they're on the verge of happiness. A group of office workers, full of anticipation, made it to the last workday before the holiday.

On the last day of work, even Xiao Ke stopped complaining. She chatted with Xu Moxing about her holiday plans.

"You're traveling with your partner?"

"I really envy how close you two are. National Day is crowded everywhere, so I'm not going to brave the crowds."

Xu Moxing smiled.

"There's no way around it. Most people are just ordinary folks who have to work to support themselves. The only chance to go a bit farther is during the short holidays or by taking annual leave—otherwise you get your pay docked. There's no time or money at other times."

An ordinary person's freedom is chopped into such tiny pieces that they can only breathe through the cracks.

People with both days off can at least take a weekend trip to the suburbs, get some fresh air, and feel like they're still alive.

People with only one day off sleep through Sunday, and then Monday starts all over again—no time to "catch their breath."

"That's true. Unless you quit and use the job gap to travel, but that's just giving yourself a breather. You still have to go back to work eventually."

Xu Moxing asked casually, "So you're staying home for the holiday?"

"Yeah, lying in bed, sleeping, playing on my phone, watching shows. Maybe after a few days when it's less crowded, I'll go watch a movie or stroll the mall with my boyfriend."

"That sounds nice too."

Xu Moxing remembered what Xiao Ke had said—that her boyfriend puts on a generous front in public but either splits everything or makes her pay. His lips parted, but in the end he said nothing.

The last workday before the holiday is the happiest, because most people in the office are in a good mood, rarely put on sour faces, and everyone just wants to leave on time.

Ten minutes before quitting time, many had already packed up, just waiting to shut down their computers and head out.

As soon as the clock hit the hour, Xu Moxing walked out with everyone else—he couldn't run, only walk slowly.

While waiting for the elevator, he texted Su Lichen: "Off work! Holiday time!"

"I'm home, cooking. Take your time coming back. The subway's bound to be packed today. No rush, be careful with your foot."

"OKK. cute.jpg"

Xiao Ke spotted him again. They chatted and walked part of the way together. Zhao Yingyun spotted this.

Zhao Yingyun had deliberately made things hard for Xu Moxing when he first started, and after Xu Moxing made him lose face, he'd held a grudge but never found a chance to get back at him.

Zhao Yingyun looked away. "We'll deal with this after the holiday."

Xu Moxing had no idea Zhao Yingyun was that petty. At that moment, his mind was only on his travel itinerary.

The next morning, everything went smoothly. The high-speed rail took four hours, and Xu Moxing slept the whole way.

When he woke up, his head was resting on Su Lichen's shoulder, and he had almost drooled. He quickly sat up straight and sneaked a glance at Su Lichen.

Su Lichen was looking at his phone and didn't notice.

“Almost there?” Xu Moxing rubbed his eyes.

“Twenty more minutes.”

Xu Moxing glanced out the window and could already see the sea. A vast expanse of shimmering blue, glistening under the sun.

They had deliberately chosen this route—a high-speed train with a sea view, and Xu Moxing instantly brightened up.

“It’s the sea!”

Su Lichen glanced up briefly, then looked back down at his phone.

Xu Moxing pressed his nose to the window for a while, then suddenly remembered to ask, “Which hotel did we book again?”

“The one by the sea.”

“I know that, but what’s the name?”

Su Lichen said a name.

Xu Moxing nodded and went back to pressing his nose to the window to look at the sea.

After Su Lichen finished his conversation, it was almost time to get off. He put his phone back into his pants pocket.

“Mo, time to go.”

When they exited the station, the sun was fierce.

Xu Moxing whipped out his phone, and Su Lichen in sync did the same.

Following Xu Moxing’s habit of saving money, the two compared which ride-hailing app had the better discount.

Su Lichen’s was two yuan cheaper than Xu Moxing’s. “Fixed fare, okay? You sure it’s a fixed fare?”

Xu Moxing was worried the driver would take a detour, so he insisted on a fixed fare.

“It’s a fixed fare, don’t worry.”

The two pulled their suitcases and waited for their ride. At the hotel entrance, Xu Moxing glanced inside; someone was already checking in.