Chapter 82: A Shift from Offense to Defense?

Chapter 82: A Switch in Offense and Defense?

At a little past seven on the morning of the sixth day of Chinese New Year, Xu Moxing returned to the rental apartment with every muscle sore.

The first thing he did was take a shower, then crash for a good long sleep.

After that, he got up, cooked himself a meal, ate, messed around on his phone, then went back to sleep.

With Su Lichen away for those two days, he slipped right back into his post-breakup solo life—very comfortable.

Waking up naturally, not having to talk to anyone.

Eating when he felt like it, skipping when he didn't.

Eating whatever he felt like, without having to consider what someone else wanted.

He boiled himself a bowl of noodles in the kitchen, poached an egg, and ate the whole bowl standing up in the kitchen.

After eating, he turned on his computer and watched a movie.

Halfway in, he got drowsy and dozed off on the couch.

When he woke up, it was already dark—the movie had ended, frozen on the credits.

He shut down the computer, went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and stood by the window watching the streetlights.

The lights were on. Shencheng was still very quiet now; it wouldn't liven up until around the eighth, when migrant workers came back to their jobs. For now, all he could see were empty streets and a sprinkling of people.

If it were always like this—eating alone, watching movies alone, sleeping alone—that would be fine too.

Not exactly lively, but not draining either.

He picked up his phone, took a photo of the night view outside his window, and posted it on WeChat Moments, visible only to himself, with the caption: "Single and happy."

The post was for his future self to see; his overflowing urge to share could be unloaded onto his future self.

This was a new realization he'd had these past two days. He used to think his talkativeness was a flaw, his strong urge to share was a flaw. When he and Su Lichen first broke up, he had completely sealed himself off.

But now he felt a little more at peace with himself—maybe thanks to Su Lichen.

After all, he'd spent over half a year living with Su Lichen when he had amnesia, and he'd learned a lot.

He now felt that being talkative, having a strong desire to share, and being sincere were not flaws; they were proof of his vibrant spirit.

This was his nature. Suppressing these traits would only cause him pain, make him not feel like himself, turn him into someone else entirely.

He used to hand his heart to people; some couldn't catch it, others just dropped it on the floor. He was hurt, not because there was something wrong with him, but because he'd given it to the wrong person.

But it wasn't necessarily the other person's fault either.

Because sometimes, he couldn't catch others' sincerity either. There were always barriers between people.

He used to be unable to find someone who could catch him, so he was sad that no one understood him.

But now, he felt he could catch himself. He and his own self were the ones who had always shared the ups and downs together.

He could still have friends. Perhaps someday he would meet a good man and enter into a close relationship again. But he wouldn't be like before—completely open and completely dependent.

Being that completely open and dependent on someone else was indeed wrong. And that wasn't Su Lichen's fault; it was simply something he hadn't understood before.

He wasn't planning to shut himself off again, lock the door, and let no one in—and trap himself inside.

He just needed to keep the master key for himself.

He'd still open the door, talk, interact, share. But he would no longer offer his whole heart, expecting someone else to catch all of it.

He just needed to gradually understand, through interactions, who could hold which part of him, and who couldn't.

Whether they caught it or not, he always had his own back.

He'd built a safe harbor for himself—he was his own greatest support, his own refuge.

But for now, he truly felt that being single was great.

Living alone, doing whatever he wanted, without having to accommodate anyone, without being dragged down by their moods, and without worrying about dragging them down.

If he was in a bad mood, he could let loose at home, muttering curses to himself.

If he was in a good mood, he could stay up late humming without bothering a roommate, as long as he didn't sing loud enough to get a noise complaint.

He could even get a sudden urge to cook or clean in the middle of the night.

Living alone offered maximum freedom, and he didn't feel lonely either.

Besides, being in love didn't necessarily eliminate loneliness. Sometimes, love made him feel even more lonely.

Free and at peace—everything depended on himself. What he couldn't handle on his own, money could mostly solve. So emotionally and mentally, he didn't need to rely on anyone. This was the kind of life he really liked now—no need to lower himself or feel small.

The past two days, Su Lichen had been messaging him on the dot every day.

What he'd had for breakfast, what party he was going to, who he was meeting, what he'd had for lunch, how his parents were back at work and busy but still came home for dinner because Su Lichen was there.

Xu Moxing just muted Su Lichen's messages.

He only remembered to respond when he happened to open WeChat.

Su Lichen didn't mind. He still bombarded Xu Moxing with messages.

Su Lichen took it to mean that Xu Moxing just didn't respond much—and "didn't respond much" meant he still responded occasionally, and he hadn't said no.

He hadn't said, "I don't want to know every little thing about your life. Please stop dumping your daily details on me."

As long as Xu Moxing didn't say that, Su Lichen would keep sharing everything to keep him in the loop.

On the eighth, Su Lichen messaged again.

"Mo, what time are you roughly getting into Shencheng? I'm on my way back to our place."

Xu Moxing had been up late chatting with his online friend "Happy Little Horse" and was still asleep.

When he finally woke up, Su Lichen was already back in the apartment. Xu Moxing got up to go to the bathroom and was startled to see Su Lichen sitting on the couch.

"Mo, you're up? The trip must've been rough. Catching up on sleep as soon as you got back, huh?"

"Mm."

Xu Moxing didn't bother to explain. He headed to the bathroom first.

When he came out, he went back to the bedroom, grabbed his phone, and saw the message Su Lichen had sent two hours earlier. Xu Moxing didn't want to do to Su Lichen what Su Lichen had done to him—string him along or hurt him with silence. That just wasn't who he was.

During this time, he has also pulled himself together.

Previously, Su Lichen did hurt him, but Xu Moxing also hurt Su Lichen.

It's meaningless to dwell on who was hurt more deeply or who was more in the wrong, after all, they have broken up.

Moreover, when he lost his memory in a car accident, Su Lichen took care of him for such a long time, it's no exaggeration to say he cared for him in every possible way.

When he first regained his memory, he did consider being a selfish, ungrateful person—after all, he hadn't forced Su Lichen to take care of him; Su Lichen could have directly explained the situation and refused.

But now, after much thought, he decided that he should thank Su Lichen for his care; even his own family wouldn't go to such lengths, so he ought to be grateful, since Su Lichen could have refused.

It's better to part on good terms and not hurt Su Lichen anymore. He decided to come clean with Su Lichen, then find a place and move out right away.