Chapter 80: The Past 8: Let It End

Chapter 80 Part 8: Let's End It

Xu Moxing sat in the car, and "End" popped into his head.

Actually, he had long noticed that something was off between them, because over the past six months, when he talked with Su Lichen, Su Lichen was sometimes patient and sometimes just silent.

Xu Moxing wanted a straight answer, but Su Lichen didn't want to talk.

Sometimes a thought crossed his mind: if a relationship couldn't be that open, was it worth continuing?

Xu Moxing sat in the car, resting with his eyes closed, replaying every moment of the past six months with Su Lichen, and Xu Jianqing looking down on him.

Suddenly he felt that he had been living in a lie he had woven for himself.

He thought he was loved, accepted, and understood.

Reality told him otherwise.

They were just putting up with him. His sister put up with him, and Su Lichen put up with him too.

They were done putting up with him.

He didn't want others to put up with him anymore. He didn't want to be the one who needed to be put up with.

He didn't want the people who loved him to be worn out by him.

As he reviewed, he felt that maybe this was where it all had to end.

He fully understood that he could only rely on himself to solve all the difficulties in his life. Even if others were willing to help, they could only provide a little assistance; ninety-nine percent of it still came down to himself.

He shouldn't depend on others—whether in life, work, or emotions.

Xu Moxing seemed indecisive, soft-hearted, and a chatterbox, but once he saw things clearly, he became very "ruthless," almost to the point of being cold, indifferent.

In the past, his sense of security came from making others comfortable—by talking to lighten the mood, by being soft-hearted to avoid conflict, by hesitating to be considerate of everyone.

The same went for his honesty: being extremely honest was a kind of foolishness, because he voluntarily put himself in a position where others could judge and criticize him.

Candor and sincerity are different, and not everyone can handle sincerity.

Many people think they are sincere, but they themselves cannot accept others' sincerity.

His old logic was: "As long as I am good to others, they will be good to me."

But the blow made him see—that assumption was wrong.

He gave everything, only to be used and hurt in return.

So, Xu Moxing decided to completely rip up the old script and start a new one: "I must prioritize protecting myself."

And the most thorough way to protect himself was to cut off emotional ties with others—stop empathizing, stop talking too much, stop hesitating. To outsiders, this looked like "coldness" and "ruthlessness."

True growth lies in finding a balance between "soft-heartedness" and "coldness": being able to protect one's boundaries while still retaining goodwill toward others.

This state of Xu Moxing's was actually an overcorrection after trauma, but it was the only way he could protect himself.

If he could learn that quickly, he wouldn't have been hurt so badly.

He was someone who had just been severely wounded. His sense of self-worth was crumbling; his trust in human nature was collapsing; his ability to handle emotions was maxed out.

In this state, he simply didn't have the energy to "gently draw boundaries."

What he could do was first shut the door. It wasn't that he didn't want to be "warm"—it was that he temporarily didn't have the ability.

It's like someone with a broken bone: first, they need a cast to keep it completely still. You can't say, "Why don't you try moving it slowly?" because moving it would cause the bone to misalign.

He had to temporarily shut down all emotional channels, allowing the wound to slowly heal internally. Without this "overcorrecting" phase, he couldn't even "get back on his feet," let alone "act warmly."

When he completely cut himself off for a while, he found that he didn't die, and even felt a weight off his shoulders because he no longer had to please others—at that point, his sense of security began to recover.

Next, he might, within a safe relationship, tentatively express a tiny bit of genuine need, and find that the other person didn't lash out at him.

This "positive feedback that felt safe" would slowly allow him to open the door to his heart a crack, and he would go from "complete coldness" to "occasional small talk" to "I can say this, but not that."

This process might take years, or even longer, or he might live forever in that layer of coldness.

At least at this stage, Xu Moxing could only overcorrect.

As long as he could protect himself, overcorrection was fine. He could slowly change when the opportunity came later.

People can constantly reinvent themselves. Right now, he had no spare energy; he could only protect himself.

Once Xu Moxing made up his mind, he began preparing for the breakup.

He wasn't happy with this job, so he decided to resign.

This relationship was making both sides unhappy, so he decided to end it.

Where to live after the breakup was also a problem. Xu Moxing started secretly looking for a job during work hours.

Finding a job was quite difficult; he searched everywhere but couldn't find a good one.

The poor economic environment wasn't just an excuse for workers not daring to resign and being exploited—it was also an excuse for many companies to exploit employees without scruples.

Xu Moxing decided that if he couldn't find one, he would take a break. He had never taken a break since starting his internship; changing jobs was always seamless—he would resign one day and start at another company the next.

Xu Moxing submitted his resignation and had to work for another month. He began looking into housing.

Su Lichen was completely unaware of Xu Moxing's psychological changes.

Friday night, Su Lichen was taking a shower, and his phone gave a low battery warning. Without asking, Xu Moxing plugged it in for him.

Before putting down Su Lichen's phone, Xu Moxing thought it over and still unlocked it to check Su Lichen's chat history with Jiang Xingzhou.

Sure enough, that day's honesty—the other person appeared calm on the surface, but behind the scenes, he complained to his close friend about him again.

He couldn't even show this real side in front of him. To be honest, at this moment, Xu Moxing was both disappointed and unsurprised.

Xu Moxing sneered, mocking in his heart: "You say I'm full of negative energy, but how noble are you? Aren't you also complaining and venting to others about me? In the end, you're the good guy, the perfect victim, and I'm the bad guy who used you as an emotional trash can.

And you told Jiang Xingzhou, 'Even if he finds out, it's fine, you wouldn't care either.' I really do know that you don't care."

Jiang Xingzhou wasn't the focus in this matter, and Xu Moxing wouldn't take it out on him.

Xu Jianqing and Su Lichen were the focus.

From Xu Moxing's perspective, both Xu Jianqing and Su Lichen thought he was a "bad person," someone with huge flaws. He had been collectively abandoned by his closest lover and his closest relative.

Saturday, Xu Moxing cooked, and the two spent the day together harmoniously yet silently.

On Sunday, Xu Moxing directly approached Su Lichen for one last attempt at communication, his last chance for the other person as he saw it—he couldn't give up and wanted to try one more time.

"If I'm annoying you, why don't you just say it? When you have such strong opinions, why won't you even tell me a single truthful word?"

This time, Xu Moxing decided not to let Su Lichen brush him off with silence like last time; he wanted a definite answer.

An answer that would allow him to truly let go of the other person—this was a final break.

But in the end, Su Lichen still refused to communicate, only saying, "You're too negative. Figure it out yourself."

After saying that, Su Lichen left.

He was very calm and composed, yet also very cold and selfish.

Su Lichen thought this was dignified, but Xu Moxing did not; he considered it another form of indignity.

The two broke up that night, ending a relationship that had lasted five or six years.