Chapter 36: Kinship

Chapter 36: Family Ties

Tears cascaded down Yan Sanhe's clenched features, ripping her life in two.

One half was a delicate vulnerability, pitiful yet captivating;

The other half, an unwavering resilience, steadfast and unyielding.

Xie Zhifei was utterly mesmerized.

My mind was shrouded in fog and confusion until a thought emerged from the depths of my heart, clearing the haze.

So it was.

During her possession by the "ghost," she had been grappling with the tormenting dilemma that Yan Xing's inner demon was a family letter!

She didn't believe it, nor did she want to accept that Yan Xing's haunting obsession could be that very letter!

She battled with herself, tore herself apart, and ultimately chose to let go of the lives of three people and her hatred towards the Xie family, in order to resolve the lingering demons that haunted Yan Xing in life.

Xie Zhifei felt as if someone had fiercely clenched his heart, causing it to tremble violently.

But he still had something to say.

"Yan Sanhe, you said the coffin couldn't close because the deceased had unspoken thoughts. It's just a letter home, he wouldn't have gone that far..."

"You're not him," Yan Sanhe's voice was icy cold.

"You can't understand how difficult it is for an arrogant and proud man, one who looks down on others, to open up.

Moreover, people are divided into different ranks. Back then, he was above them, showing kindness to his wife and son;

But now, as a convicted and demoted official, asking his stepson, who is seeking a government position, for a simple letter would be a violation of his dignity and upbringing."

"Seeking help is like swallowing a three-foot sword. If he did that, he wouldn't be himself anymore."

Xie Daozhi slumped to the ground, his gaze fixed on emptiness, "He wouldn't have fallen so low, he wouldn't have."

Yan Sanhe endeavored to keep his voice steady, though it still trembled slightly.

"He wrote you a letter, asking for your assistance. You must recall its contents, don't you?"

How could Xie Daozhi forget? Every word was etched in his memory.

Daozhi:

I hope this finds you well.

In my youthful days, I was reckless and believed that everyone in this world, except for myself, were mere fools and mediocrities.

Rising to prominence at a young age, he held an esteemed position with a noble and aloof disposition, looking down upon the world with untainted eyes, unwilling to sully himself by associating with hypocrites or those of ill repute. In his middle years, he suffered the misfortune of family dispersion and was exiled to a barren wilderness.

Such outcomes, all are the will of heaven.

If it is fate, then I shall not regret.

My only regret in this life is that when I banished you and your mother from the manor years ago, I failed to choose a more favorable day. It was snowing heavily, and I can only imagine how cold you both must have been.

Fortunately, only those thoroughly chilled through can desperately dash towards the warmth.

Today, my son has come on behalf of my grandson. My poor grandchild was stricken with illness in the womb and, at such a tender age, has already endured the bitterness of countless medicines.

I implore you, considering the slender thread of affection from our past, to intercede on his behalf with Doctor Liu Sheng, the esteemed physician of the Imperial Medical Institute.

If it can be obtained, it is the child's blessing; if not, it is his destiny. All I can do is strive to the utmost and leave the rest to fate. I shall be eternally grateful.

On the exalted stage of the imperial court, one treads as delicately as on a tightrope; at the pinnacle of power, life is as fragile as walking on thin ice.

Beware!

-Signed, Yan Xing.

Yan Sanhe's gaze shifted to the window, a hint of moisture in the corners of his eyes.

"He appears indifferent to all, but his heart lies hidden within his words. Had he not considered you family, he would never have uttered that last sentence."

"..."

Xie Daozhi's tears flowed even more fiercely.

For two decades in the court, his journey had been fraught with peril, like treading on the edge of a blade.

While others only observed how high he climbed, only his dearest kin worried about whether he was weary or in danger.

Just like every time Third Son left the capital, he would repeatedly caution, "Son, be cautious in all you do!"

"Upon sending this letter, he held a hope within him, but what arrived instead was grim news."

Yan Sanhe approached the window and abruptly threw it open.

Outside, the night remained bitterly cold with pouring rain.

She couldn't fathom the heartache her grandfather must have felt upon seeing his grandson's lifeless body. It must have been a thousand times, ten thousand times more frigid than this stormy night.

"He finally understands now that Grandmother never revealed the truth of that incident to you. Your hatred for him runs as deep as ever."

"I..."

Xie Daozhi found no words to refute, only managing to bite his tongue until it was drenched in blood.

"He must be utterly hopeless about me!"

"No, he's not hopeless. Despair would crush a person.

He's just filled with hatred - hatred for himself for being blind;

Hatred for having become a pawn in someone else's game;

Hatred for how some people can be so heartlessly calculating it's unbearable."

She paused, turned, and gave Xie Daozhi a self-deprecating smile.

"Sometimes, both love and hate can serve as the driving force to keep one alive."

Ashamed beyond measure, Xie Daozhi bowed his head, striking the ground forcefully with his forehead, again and again.

Seeing his father's immense suffering, Xie Zhifei gritted his teeth.

"Yan Sanhe, if it's hatred we're talking about, then it has nothing to do with family ties."

"I've told you, you're not him."

Yan Sanhe gave Xie Zhifei a cold glance before turning back to gaze at the night outside the window.

Xie Zhifei observed him keenly.

She raised her head slowly, her expression that of a soldier looking up at her most revered general.

"Time is a wonderful thing. It treats everyone equally and can wear away both love and hatred."

She let out a soft sigh.

"When a tragedy strikes, one might blame fate. But when a series of tragedies unfold, it makes one ponder where the problem truly lies. Especially for someone as brilliant as he is.

The more he reflects on the entire affair, the clearer it will become that he himself was the catalyst for this entire tragedy."

Xie Daozhi lifted his head abruptly, his eyes glowing red as he stared at Yan Sanhe.

"If he hadn't taken you in back then; if he hadn't let you go; if he hadn't offended that guest; if he had been willing to bow down..."

Yan Sanhe's voice was hushed. "Perhaps everything would have turned out differently."

Xie Zhifei asked, "Yan Sanhe, do you mean that..."

"There are causes for every effect," Yan Sanhe replied in a deeper tone.

"He himself was the cause, and everything else was the result."

He had seen through Grandma Xie's schemes from the start and tacitly allowed them. The hatred Xie Daozhi felt was deliberately provoked by him to push the young man to greatness.

That guest was someone he could not tolerate or ignore.

If time were to rewind and life to restart, as long as he remained true to his character and temperament, he would still utter those same words, take those same actions, and suffer the same fate of a crushing blow.

It was predetermined!

And as for him, Xie Daozhi, with his diligence, ambition, knowing when to endure and when to strike hard, speaking differently to different people, being cunning, calculative, and full of schemes...

That was why he had reached this point today.

Yan Sanhe turned to face Xie Daozhi, tears streaming down his face.

"Once a move is made in Go, there's no turning back—this is Yan Xing. To have no regrets in one's heart—this is Yan Xing.

"He stood on the side of conscience and humanity, but unfortunately, conscience and humanity did not stand by his side."

These words pierced Xie Daozhi's heart like a dagger. He no longer felt pain, only overwhelming shame, wishing to find a lake to jump into, to cleanse his tainted soul.

Upon grasping the full extent of the situation, he let it go. You must be wondering why I am so certain, he said, his voice tinged with sorrow. He repeated the question, this time directed inwardly at himself.

"Yes, why am I so certain?"