Chapter 179: “You Are Afraid.”

Chapter 179 "You're afraid..."

It was descending into chaos.

By this point in tonight's confrontation, everything had completely descended into chaos.

"On the first day of the new year, you came down with a raging fever. Your attendants said you had got chilled at the Star-Gazing Tower..."

"I didn't go to the Star-Gazing Tower. I was... terrified."

"Why did you go to the Huo residence?"

"I wanted to see."

"See what?"

"To get a good look at how the Empress Dowager handled the aftermath."

A tear fell onto the back of her hand, spreading a searing heat. Huo Ling lowered her head, staring at her still-trembling fingertips.

A whirlwind of thoughts flashed through Huo Ling's mind. She wanted to stand up again but found she lacked even the strength to rise.

Huo Ling turned her head slightly, looking at Ji Xianshan, who was also collapsed on the floor.

The two of them locked eyes, wordless.

"Your Majesty, you played your part perfectly. All these years, I never saw through it. Every day, having to face me, playing out this charade of a loving mother and devoted son—it must have been agony for you, wasn't it?"

"Indeed." Ji Xianshan let out a mirthless chuckle. "I kept wondering—was the gentle, caring mother who doted on me in broad daylight real, or was the cold, merciless mother from my nightmares the real one?"

And then, after so many years, the mother who had once been gentle and caring in the daylight finally began to merge with the figure from his nightmares.

Once again, he was plunged back into the nightmare.

"Your Majesty, have you ever told anyone about this?"

Huo Ling's question came as no surprise to Ji Xianshan. In fact, because everything was unfolding exactly as he had anticipated, he laughed again. "Empress Dowager, you see? You're doubting me now. You can no longer trust me. You're afraid I'll let this secret slip. Because for you, this secret is fatal."

"Your Majesty, answer my question," Huo Ling said. "Tell me—have you ever revealed this secret to anyone else?"

"Ministers may turn a blind eye to a mother stealing her son's throne. The common people might not care whether it's the mother or the son who sits upon it. But no one would ever tolerate a daughter who murdered her own father taking the throne. Empress Dowager, now you're scared too."

"Your Majesty, I believe you're not stupid enough to spill this secret. Revealing it would do neither of us any good. Since it's been a secret for so long—since it's been buried for eight whole years—then it should remain a secret forever. Don't you agree?"

It was almost a mirror of their earlier exchange. Before, it had been Ji Xianshan desperately pressing for an answer from Huo Ling. Now, it was Huo Ling's turn to demand one from him.

Tears welled up in Ji Xianshan's eyes once more.

During all those nights haunted by nightmares, he would often wake in terror. Afraid of alerting the palace attendants and letting his mother find out, he would lie still until dawn, too afraid to even whimper.

Now, at last, he could freely show his weakness before the very person who shared this secret with him.

After all, for him, things couldn't possibly get any worse.

He simply looked at Huo Ling, and under her barrage of questions—no, accusations—he countered, "Now do you see how I felt? Finally understand why I kept asking whether you truly loved me?"

"So, what are you afraid of?" Huo Ling's gaze pierced through Ji Xianshan, seeing the deepest fears and anxieties hidden in his heart. "Are you afraid that one day, I'll treat you the same way I treated him?"

So, in the eyes of her own child, she was really such a monster?

Ji Xianshan's expression was numb as he laid bare the deepest fears that had been buried in his heart for so long.

"All these years, I've been turning so many things over in my mind.

"Do you remember when you were little, the first time you learned to ride a horse? You weren’t even as tall as the horse, so in the end, Huo Shiming helped you onto his horse and took you riding.

"The first bow and arrows you used for archery were also from him.

"You once said that one day, you wanted to become someone like your father."

At this, Ji Xianshan tugged at the corner of his lips, as if trying to force a smile, but the streaks of tears running freely down his face made the expression painfully strained.

"Do you still remember these little things? Do they ring any bells?

"The first character I ever wrote, you guided my hand as I wrote; when I first learned to ride and shoot, you were the one who lifted me onto the horse and taught me hand in hand.

"No matter how busy you were, you still found time to share everything with me—things you had done with your father as a child, or things you had wanted to do but never got the chance.

"I, too, once said that one day, I wanted to become someone like you, Mother."

He hunched over, pressing his palms hard against his face, but burning tears and choked sobs still seeped through his fingers.

"Back then, you surely never imagined that your own father would try to kill you."

Huo Ling was starting to understand—and wished she wasn’t: "You're afraid that I'll become like him."

Ji Xianshan said, "The Empress Dowager has only me as her son. You still need me to stay your puppet, so I do believe your assurances. If I step down for you, I would become the crown prince—but how fragile that crown would be.

"The Empress Dowager is of the house of Huo, while I bear the surname Ji. I have been emperor for eighteen full years—that is a reality no one can change.

"If I get too cozy with the imperial clan, if I consort too often with the old ministers loyal to Great Yan, if I try to involve myself in court affairs, speak my mind on policy, and rally followers to my cause… Wouldn’t you be afraid, Empress Dowager? Could you truly promise never to doubt me?"

Ji Xianshan lowered his hands. His vision was completely blurred by tears, and he could barely make out Huo Ling’s direction.

"No, we don’t even have to wait for the future. Right now, at this very moment, isn’t your relentless questioning proof enough of your suspicion?"

Huo Ling remained silent.

Ji Xianshan knew he had hit the mark.

"A mother’s love for her son, no matter how strong, cannot outweigh the weight of the empire—nor can it outweigh a ruler’s distrust. The throne can make a son betray his mother, just as it can turn a mother into a monster."

Family turning on family, loved ones becoming enemies—this was the curse of power, the inescapable fate of imperial families.

A mother doubts her son, a son resents his mother. There was no going back.

Ji Xianshan roughly wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve. He staggered to his feet and stumbled toward the palace doors.

As the doors swung open, a howling storm rushed in, bringing with it a biting cold.

Wu Mo stood beneath the corridor not far away. Seeing him emerge, she immediately took a few steps forward. "Your Majesty!"

Ji Xianshan seemed not to hear her call as he staggered into the downpour.

"Your Majesty!"

Wu Mo glanced at Ji Xianshan’s retreating figure, then back at the yawning darkness of the hall behind her. She called out to the stunned servants nearby, "Quick, bring an umbrella and escort His Majesty back! Don’t let him catch a chill!" Then she turned and reentered the hall.

The palace lanterns in the corners flickered in the wind, several extinguishing at once. The shadowed hall plunged deeper into gloom.

Wu Mo instinctively looked up, searching for Huo Ling's figure at the top of the grand hall, but there was no one there.

Wu Mo shifted her gaze and only then noticed Huo Ling slumped on the steps.

"My liege!"

Wu Mo rushed to Huo Ling's side, reaching out to help her up: "The ground is cold..."

Huo Ling's eyes were staring into nothingness. It took a long while before her focus settled on Wu Mo's face.

Seeing the anxiety and worry on Wu Mo's face, Huo Ling opened her mouth.

A sob threatened to escape her lips, but in the end, she merely extended her hand, gripping Wu Mo's arm, leaning heavily on her.

"I'm fine."

Huo Ling bit down hard on her tongue, struggling to remain composed: "I'm fine."

Wu Mo ventured carefully, "Your Majesty, let me help you back to the private chambers to rest. We'll sleep, and whatever matters need addressing can wait until after we wake, alright?"

"No." Huo Ling shook her head. "Help me sit at the desk."

Her gaze fell upon the scroll placed on the desk, the one still awaiting delivery to the Hall of Supreme Harmony. "Put it away," she said.

Wu Mo didn't dare ask questions now. She followed Huo Ling's instructions, carefully storing the scroll before returning to her side, huddling in a corner.

Huo Ling sat frozen before the desk, her eyes fixed on the wavering candlelight in the corner, neither shifting nor moving for a long time.

Wu Mo glanced at Huo Ling's profile, then mimicked her, staring at the dancing flame.

Time passed indeterminably. Wu Mo hugged her knees, dozing off, only to be roused again by the nighttime cold.

She rubbed her eyes and found everything around her exactly as it had been before she slept.

Silently, she stood up, brought two cloaks from the inner chamber—one laid gently over Huo Ling's shoulders, the other wrapped around herself.

Huo Ling glanced at her, tightening the robe with her hands.

Wu Mo returned to her corner, resting her cheek in her palm, continuing to watch the candle flame alongside Huo Ling.

Suddenly, Huo Ling spoke, her voice hoarse yet calm.

"Does this scene feel familiar to you?"

Wu Mo looked at her.

Huo Ling said, "The night the late emperor passed, I sat through the night holding a terrified An Er, and you stood watch beside me just like this."

Wu Mo couldn't find the right words of comfort. She could only promise, "I will always stay by Your Majesty's side."

"I put no faith in others' promises."

Wu Mo tensed, but then Huo Ling continued, "Except yours."

Huo Ling leaned forward, shielding the fragile flame with her palm to protect it from the buffeting night breeze.

The faint glow cast a soft warmth, spreading from her palm, dispelling the chill before dawn.

"Eighteen years have passed. He's twenty now, old enough for his Capping Ceremony. But to me, he still seems but a child—still lacking maturity."

"Not just Your Majesty, even I still see His Majesty as a child every time I meet him. Isn’t that just how parents and elders are?"

"But after last night, I realized he is far more perceptive and clear-sighted than I ever imagined."

The truth was, she could no longer trust him.

As the emperor had said, perhaps she harbored no wariness or murderous intent toward him now, but who could say what the future held?

Maybe the emperor hadn’t yet thought to use that secret against her, but the feeling of someone else holding your weakness, of losing control over events, was unbearable.

Her heart might waver, but her hand couldn’t afford to.

"In my youth, I yearned endlessly to return to the capital. Only after walking this path did I understand the harsh winds and bitter frost—all the hardships."

"Do you regret it, Your Majesty?"

"No. Even if I were to live my life again, I would make the same choices and walk the same path. It’s just that life always leaves some regrets."

Outside, the wind and rain had ceased unnoticed, and a thin streak of dawn light pierced through the narrow window gap, falling directly onto Huo Ling’s eyes.

She shielded the sunlight with the back of her hand.

"It’s daylight. Have Marquis Xinyuan—Wu Feng—come to the palace."

Wu Feng arrived swiftly.

Today was his day off, so he had risen much later than usual. The palace messenger arrived to summon him right as he finished washing up.

When he reached the gates of Shouning Palace, he saw Wu Mo waiting there. He quickened his steps to approach her and asked in a low voice, "His Majesty summoned me so early—what is the matter?"

Wu Mo shook her head. "I don’t know either. Go inside."

Wu Feng’s pulse jumped—even Wu Mo didn’t know the reason?

Pushing open the palace doors, he stepped inside. "Your Majesty, I’ve arrived."

Huo Ling had already freshened up. Aside from looking a little tired, she seemed perfectly composed.

"Regarding Song Xu, I will order him to depart the capital immediately and take up his post in Qiangzhou. Plant people around him. If he makes any contact with the capital, I must be the first to know."

"As for the imperial clan, mobilize all your personnel to keep them under strict surveillance. Watch for any secret dealings. Pay special attention to the households of Prince Cheng of the Second Rank, Su Jùnwáng, Grand Princess Ningxin, Princess Leping, and Princess Yang'an."

"Finally, regarding the Taihe Palace—"

Huo Ling looked up, her eyes locking onto Wu Feng, her voice low and unreadable. "I want to know everyone the emperor is in contact with. Do you understand my meaning?"

Hiding his surprise, Wu Feng replied solemnly, "I understand. I’ll handle it right away."